(DISCLAIMER: At the time of writing I was fucking mile-high cotton-candy land on several Midol therefore this article may seem a little off.)
TOLD YOU THERE WOULD BE AN UPDATE, also I wish I had a goddamn fan, I really do. We're coming back to the all impressive pooping cat-toy, I've finally opened it and removed it's cellophane wrapping and decided to try feasting upon it's inner fecal matter, I've never been so prepared to ingest cat shit so happily.
Removing the cellophane was a bit of a task believe it or not, it wasn't perforated which is kind of retarded, the shape of the toy itself didn't exactly lend to the ability to remove the damn stuff from it's frame, I used a super sharp knife and I still had trouble with it. When I finally managed to get the cellophane off I began to toy with the.. Uh, well.. Toy.. I was trying to figure out how the thing actually worked, it doesn't come with instructions.. I guess they presume we're all smart enough to know how to force a cat toy to shit and I probably should have been but I spent the better part of fifteen minutes messing with this thing and trying to figure out how it operated, I'm not proud to say that I fingered a toy cats asshole in the process.. I am disturbed to say that I also photographed said asshole for the sake of the article. Here's where the ASPCA shows up and cuffs my ass for animal abuse because the first words anyone will see skimming over is 'I photographed and fingered a cats ass'. Oh yeah, this is a winning article. ( By the way if I ever get a hit on the site from that specific phrase having been searched for in Google I will probably down the whole blog and promptly commit suicide. )
It's a surprisingly complex little toy, enough so that the damn thing really should come with some form of instructions. Even the little tag says nothing on how to operate it and after a time of poking and prodding I figured out that the tag had to be removed so that the head could be screwed off.. And yes, that's awesome. A Halloween cat toy that shits whose head can also be removed, awesome.. I mean really, what if I just wanted a decapitated cat? I've got one! Booyah. But that's not really the thing that makes it operate, no. The actual process of making the cat poo requires that you pull the tail up and then press down on it's body, shifting it slightly in the process.. It's interesting because the sounds it makes now surprisingly make more sense, it sounds very violent.. And as it turns out it sounds very violent because it's meant to make these sounds while it shits into the little 'trick or treat' bag on it's pedestal, a rather nice touch. Fucker hisses, howl meows and poos a multi-coloured fecal matter into a bag.. Nothing about this is not awesome.
Interestingly the colours so far that I've gotten out of this toy ( I've only had four ) were purple, orange and green, I'm not sure if there are other colours but these alone are a pretty interesting mix, it's kind of like my cat-toy is one of those retard animals that decided to eat a Halloween pack of Crayola and is now defecating the multi-coloured remnants, again.. Awesome.. The fecal matter itself is surprisingly good, it's kind of like tiny little Sweet-Tarts, they're a sort of hard candy with a sweet outer shell and a chalky sour-ish inner shell indicative that this cats diet is very odd indeed.. All in all? I come out of this even more pleased than before with this toy, I cannot complain at all. There isn't that much candy inside the toy itself and I imagine when it's gone I'll never see more again, it's not like I'm going to be able to buy refills but at least when it's all gone I'll still have an awesome sound-making toy which poops. I'm sure I can find fun things to dispense in the future, imagine how awesome Anko (Red Bean Paste) would be coming out of this; a thought to fill you full of wonder as well as disturb you all at the same time.. Not that this whole article probably hasn't been one huge lesson in how disturbing the shit I write about can be.