Criminal Cereals of the Past 3 & a Fautless Feast

We've had the first, the sequel, and now the test of time! The dreaded threquel!! .....I'd be wiggling some sort of aluminum and flicking the lights on and off rapidly but I doubt it'd convey the same sense while I was typing a blog-post.. Also I'm fairly certain James would have me institutionalized because as soon as I pull some random sheet of aluminum out of no where, start making loud noises with it, and flicking the lights for no apparent reason that would be the point he'd be convinced that I'd finally gone completely off the deep end. Not that it wouldn't be a nice effect.. I just can't stream the action onto the blog sadly.. I should really be able to. Enough rambling about inane things, though! Shall we ramble on about the subject of the threquel? The CEREEEAAAAL!? Yes! Yes we shall!

#1
General Mills S'Mores Crunch:

Gee, what a surprise to see another General Mills cereals on one of these lists. No great surprise then being that it is General Mills and the subject is Criminal Cereals of the Past that this cereal should have been released in 1982, yes. 1982 was the year that General Mills decided that they've basically driven about a million kids into early onset stages of diabetus (blame Wilford Brimley for the misspelling. It's intentional.) with monstrosities such as Rocky Road Ice Cream Cereal and Powdered Doughnut cereal, why not throw another wild-card into the mix? What's the worst that could happen? I say this, a child somewhere slipped into a diabetic coma after consuming a bowl of this stuff in 1982. Hey though, if you gotta go I could think of worse ways. The mascot for this cereal was also cute, from a time when mascots for cereals were not an exception but the rule. The S'morecerer, a little fairy-like fella that was involved in several cases of child endangerment such as letting children run a muck unsupervised on a ship that was then struck by lightning and then following his negligence, kidnapping them via magical spell and transporting them to his cereal which he used to bribe them. Tricky chocolate bastard. It's interesting that this is one of the few cereals I remember to have had a particularly enticing premium in the form of a small pack of Starburst Candies. Because it's not bad enough that you're letting me eat what is essentially junk-food of the campfire variety regularly (who eats smores regularly, seriously?) but you're going to make damn sure that diabetic coma takes me quickly by pumping me full of more sugar. Bastards. Criminal charge? The cereal tasted fine, wasn't great.. It was just meh.. It's criminal in how bad it was for you and the fact that it betrayed the rule of thumb and really wasn't that tasty. Also, seriously.. Candy in a box of what is essentially candy given for free? The fuck? You just want the kids to die of sugar O.D.? Please Sir, Sugar.. May I have s'more? OHGODDON'THITME!

NOTE: Disturbingly in modern times the cereal company Kellogg apparently decided to rip off S'mores Crunch Cereal and in 2003 released this monstrosity onto the world;

Not the exact same obviously but it's nice to see we're still trying to shove kids into hyper diabetic states. Also because of the new modern formula I've got to count it points less worse than this new comer;

Brownie Crunch.. Yeah, okay.. I'm a girl and it sounds delicious because as a girl I'm inexplicably drawn to brownies, I'll admit.. But fuck.. Just.. Wow..

#2
General Mills Nickelodeon Green Slime Cereal:

I love Nickelodeon. Search this blog and you'll easily find things from Nickelodeon I adored, tons of things not limited and including the epic Legends of the Hidden Temple (which I still watch re-runs of. I wish they were new but alas, all I have are re-runs) and the reason I love Nickelodeon can partly be expressed through this cereal. Released in 2003, it's not an ancient contender by any lengths but it is from the past and can't be found anymore so it's worthy to be featured. Again it's made by General Mills who seems to be taking over the world in a covert opera.. Oh shit, I just uncovered a secret covert conspiracy by General Mills to usurp power and control of the world from the governments and powers that be through feeding them years and years worth of diabetus coma inducing sugar-laden corn, haven't I!? I should finish this article quickly before they come to try and take me away (In their clean white coats. Ha-Ha!) I had a few boxes of this, I count myself lucky for having had this. It's one of the few cereals I actually ate with milk like 'cereal' is meant to be eaten.. I treated most of it like candy but there's a reason why I couldn't eat it all like candy and had to have at least one bowl full traditionally and as intended.. That is because..

The shit turned your milk green. Duh. What'd you think it did?  It turned it a wonderful, nuclear and toxic, beautifully mutated green and that's just awesome, I don't care who you are.. That is awesome and anything that turns your milk such a putrid shade of green is by rule an epic product. Unless it's not intended to.. Then.. Then you might want to straddle that line cautiously and watch your back.. You might die.

AND DINNER TONIGHT - OH. MY. GOD.

There are rare meals that I make once in a while that come out so unbelievably perfectly, so flawless and so without any bit of disappointment or regret. It just magically comes together and when it's finally all on the plate and dished it is just perfect. This was one of those rare meals. The amount of pride I feel when I show this picture to the world through my blog is.. Well, indescribable.. I only hope that someone out there appreciates it as much as I did and is as impressed as I was with my work;

The dish is called "Choshoku no yorokobi" (Breakfast Delight) and what a delight it was. Everything on this dish came out so perfect that you'd think it was all placed intentionally with hours of pain-staking work laboured into it but that's the weird thing, it wasn't. This was a meal that was put together in a few moments, dished together and simply interlocked like the beauty of Lego's being built into something wonderful and unbelievable except it came out so perfectly by accident. I wasn't actually trying to make it look this nice. There is nothing quite like this happening, this is a truly unique experience for me and I really loved this meal for it's short life-span as it was thoroughly devoured by James. I really believe he enjoyed this one and I couldn't be happier with it myself.

Second photograph brought to you by TrueCat Perfection©