Crazy Candy & Sexy Sandoitchi!

I love candy contrary to popular belief, popular belief being that I'm such a health-nut I'd never in a million years touch the stuff. Well, maybe not never in a million years, more like never in several years but not a million or even a hundred.

I'm very reserved when it comes to eating sweet-stuff, sweet-stuff is meant to be eaten with restraint, that's what I believe and I'll stand by it no matter what. Many people in the world would take well to the quote "Strength in restraint" and would do well to observe some restraint and to approach food with a more conservative and health-minded attitude and thoughtfulness. People need to eat more healthy.

That said, I particularly and specifically love a very certain type of candy. That type? The miniature.

The miniature is perfect, it helps to control portions if eaten thoughtfully and can satisfy cravings without the inevitability of imbibing too many empty calories, it's delicious, and less than half the size so you're not tempted to keep chomping away. I recently received some miniatures from my friend at Walgreens, Mike, a Manager and an awesome guy for Halloween this year. I've been enjoying them a lot and as always, I've been enjoying them frozen.

They're fucking great.

Baby Ruth Mini:

I can't think of or say Baby Ruth in a normal voice/mind voice. Whenever I hear or say Baby Ruth it always comes out with a retard intensity.

That's not my goddamn fault, The Goonies rocked and nothing you say or do will ever change that. Baby Ruth will always be synonymous with a retard mutant screaming at the top of his lungs and loving chocolate in a disturbing fashion. Sloth was the shit.

The candy bar is also surprisingly deadly and I'm pretty sure it's because it's so small and it was frozen, I'd suspect the bigger counter-part to my miniature was slightly less lethal and slightly less dangerous to eat and cut.. I cut it with my super-sharp crazy meat-cleaver that I love cutting things with so and this is what happened;

So right.. They freeze and they become basically projectiles that could concuss a person or leave a small candy-bar shaped hole in their skull if hurled/fired from a sling-shot with enough velocity.. They also shatter like motherfuckers when you try to cut them.. I'm guessing that was the abundance of peanuts in the bar that caused that.. Either way what's there and actually in one piece looks rather nice, doesn't it?

Tasted damn nice too but it's fucking dangerous to eat a frozen Baby Ruth. The aforementioned peanuts and other shite filling it becomes rock fuck hard and will run the risk of shattering your teeth cartoon-style if you bite into it with too much gusto. It kind of caught me off guard and I actually hurt my mouth a bit trying to eat a piece off of it.

First time I've ever had my gums cut by chocolate. Chocolate shivved me. Evidently Baby Ruth is fuckin' Gangsta.

Interestingly when frozen the foamy interior of the bar takes on a cool and hard consistency changing the flavour of the bar big time, it's one of the few chocolate bars whose flavour is really quite radically altered by freezing. It's not bad, it's simply hard; it's actually quite delicious and the peanuts do nicely to set the average sweetness of the bar off making it considerably more enjoyable than it should be.. Baby Ruth weren't ever anything to really go ga-ga over but they're definitely improved with freezing.. Just watch out when you eat one frozen, those peanuts will fuck you up.

I made an oatmeal out of the other half of this bar that I didn't eat, it was pretty goddamn amazing. I tasted a small portion of it.

Almond Joy:

Second and.. Well, it's my favourite. You already know if you've read this blog at all that I love coconut, this is a chocolate bar with shredded coconut filling and an almond inside of it, of course I adore this fucking candy-bar. It's frozen by the way.. Duh..

This one cut a little more agreeably and it's insides revealed it's beautiful frosty frozen coconut filling, god I was drooling a little when I took this picture. I was really looking forward to.. Ahem.. Making this sacrifice for the blog..

Now normally Almond Joy at room temperature are moist and chewy, the chocolate coating manages to keep the coconut inside at a very nice consistency, it's quite enjoyable eaten normally and I think they're absolutely delicious Au-naturale.

Frozen the consistency of the bar changes and it becomes a little more chewy but not hard, it's kind of like a gummy consistency which is actually quite nice because the coolness from the cold transfers through the chocolate and filling and makes it considerably more palatable in my opinion. It's motherfucking delicious.

Still I'd prefer a Mounds and the differences between the two are that while Almond Joy has Almonds, DUH and uses Milk Chocolate, Mounds has none and uses Dark Chocolate. I find the Mounds preferable, I'm not a nut-nut and specifically almonds I could have or do without.. It's just meh.. All that said? These are one of the most grievously unhealthy chocolate bars out there, watch yourself when eating these, especially the full-sized. Miniature is the way to go and be safe. I only ate half of mine.

The oatmeal made out of the half of this bar that I didn't eat was pretty damn good but a little more mellow-tasting than the others. I tasted only small portion of it as well.

Butterfinger:

Then we've got the worst of the worst, this little offender is the absolute worst candy-bar on the list. A Butterfinger candy-bar is a candy-bar for when you want something that has no nutritional value whatsoever and is strictly and blatantly a guilty pleasure. That's absolutely what a Butterfinger is, for gods sakes the word 'butter' is in the name.

That said of course, I really like Butterfingers; I'm a big fan of peanut-butter.

Butterfingers are candy-bars with delicious peanut-brittle style cores surrounded by a thin 'shell' of milk-chocolate and they're fucking delicious is what they are. The difference between the texture in the thin and soft chocolate and the hard, flaky, and peanut-buttery brittle is brilliant, this one of course was frozen and when frozen the Butterfinger becomes even more brittle but takes on that coolness that just increases it palatable nature and increases the enjoyment factor of this candy-bars for me ten fold. God a frozen Butterfinger is good.

Like the Baby Ruth however the Butterfinger becomes considerably more difficult to cut and the peanut-brittle becomes a lot more hard and brittle when it's frozen. Cutting the bastard caused portions of it to disintegrate and the damage is actually a lot worse than you can see in the photograph because when I tried to pick up the two pieces the bottom completely fell apart.

In the end the texture and consistency of the peanut-buttery brittle and the soft chocolate is what makes a Butterfinger really stand out and freezing the Butterfinger only serves to increase it's uniqueness, it's unique from other candy-bars because there's no other candy-bar texturally or taste-wise like it. The Butterfinger is amazingly delicious and you better not lay a finger on my Butterfinger.

Like the others I made an oatmeal out of half of this bar for James and I tasted it. It was amazing, the BEST out of the mix I think.


LAST MINUTE LATE ENTRY
Crunch Bar:

I don't know how this slipped my attention but apparently these miniature Nestle Crunch Bars managed to slide under my radar and I only recently remembered I had them after doing the Butterfinger.

Honestly I like Nestle Crunch Bars, I think they're really good. I think they're good room-temperature and I think they're great frozen and for those uninitiated, the Crunch Bar is a chocolate bar whose basic make-up consists of rice-style puffs with a nice and tasty milk-chocolate providing a.. Well.. Duh.. Very nice crunchy consistency. This candy-bar also cut considerably better than the others being as it's milk-chocolate is very agreeable.

You can imagine then with such crunch (and it does in fact have crunch) that the crunchy consistency of the candy-bar would only be enhanced by freezing it. You'd be right, freezing it makes it ten times more epic as freezing most candy-bars does in my opinion. This little motherfucker was delicious when frozen, the crunchy rice-bits inside taking on that ever-loved cold and frostiness that makes it sooooo palatable. It feels so nice on the tongue and tastes amazing. The slight undertones of salty flavour provided by the crunchy rice krispie like innards also are slightly enhanced by the freezing and that's always nice plus can I mention that I just love the packaging?

So very retro and so very cool. The Crunch Bar is awesome and I have no complaints on this, point in fact.. Making oatmeal with this it came out as probably the best oatmeal that I've made out of all the candy-bar oatmeals, I tasted a little of it before serving it to James and I've got to say, it was delicious. The Nestle Crunch Bar may be the clear winner of the four miniatures in spite of everything and personal feelings. This just worked well and tasted divine.

Dinner:

Age sake no kirimi no sandoitchi (Fried Salmon Filet Sandwich), it's a simple dish, it's an awesome dish, it came out perfectly. A home-made bun perfectly baked, the salmon filet beautifully fried up to a golden brown texture with a home-made panko (breadcrumb) batter, a home-made cheese Japanese Tar-tar Sauce, and Nori (Dried-seaweed) sitting upon the salmon fillet to act as it's 'lettuce' - This was an epic dinner and I know for a fact it was delicious, James' mouth has nary been so full in the past; he was wolfing this motherfucker down.

It cooked perfect, looked perfect, the presentation was spot on, the Anpan (Sweet Roll) came out flawlessly, and the little french fries that accompanied it? They smelled heavenly and I'm sure they were flawless as well! What can I say? Bad ass meal! Look at that shit! LOOK AT IT!

You can't fucking tell me you don't want to eat this. You can't tell me you don't wish this wasn't sitting in front of you right now! And if you can't tell, I'm really proud of this one!

THIRD (Blammo!) photograph brought to you by I'MBURNINGUP!©