No one can really know why a person becomes stupid unstable but everyone knows the signs of a person that has become stupid unstable, the signs are quite clear cut and simply stated largely consist of the tendency to do things that have no chance of achieving anything other than harming yourself in the long run. The Willy Wonka Candy Company has achieved this for no matter how cool or integral a candy may be to the company (take the flagship 'Wonka Bar' for instance that they discontinued and I still question what the fuck to) The Willy Wonka Candy Company seems to have a fetish for discontinuing that candy for no apparent reason other than that they simply did.
I will concede in some cases the products they discontinue might not have been the greatest products ever but many of them in their own way were either extremely good, extremely cool or extremely unique and seem like they would be far more an asset alive than dead.. Maybe the Oompa Loompa's are just doing extra lines of crack-cocaine.. Oh, right. Like you thought that was sugar, suuuuuure.
The product here is the Wonka Nerdalicious, it's in it's simplest terms a grape 'liquorice' stick with nerds down the middle of it. Yeah, it's that simple. That's all it is, nothing more and nothing less and while you may think 'But Jade, usually less is more, how could you go wrong with this?' well, I don't really know how to explain it.. It's not really liquorice, it's a grape bastardization and the Nerds in the center.. Bleh.. Just doesn't do it for me, it's like.. Just.. No.. Definitely not losing any sleep over this one being discontinued.
Little pebbles of rice-krispie type crunchies drenched in a chocolate coating with a wonderful popping pop-rocks type candy, these things were just.. just.. yes..
And it surprises me that the actual chocolate of this product wasn't as waxy or cheap as other chocolate in Wonka products, these taste really good and they've even got a nice and unexpectedly pronounced pop especially with the rice-krispie type crunchy which adds a very nice pop to the product without even meaning to.
I don't know if these are actually discontinued, I have reason to believe they are because they've been MIA for years but if you get the chance and happen to somehow find some Tinglerz, GET THEM. They're delicious, awesome and fun! Everything a Wonka Candy should be and they should be marketed more than they are, damn it!
Wonka Exceptionals Fruit Jellies:
Now that you've mightily slain your packaging foe you'd find that these little candies are surprisingly square, that's friggin' cool and I don't care who you are. Who makes a square fruit candy? Willy goddamn Wonka, that's who!
They're not gummies, they're jellies and as such their consistency is considerably softer than the gummy candies you'll probably associate them with off first glance. Of course as you can see they come in numerous flavours (some not shown) but those that are shown are Goji Berry, Grape Fruit and Red Apple and flavour-wise they're pretty damn good little jellies.. They'll stick to your teeth which is something I hate but not quite as bad as other jellies I've had in the past so they earn some points on being less about sticking to every corner of your goddamn mouth like some industrial grade adhesive (I've seriously had a permanent retainer torn out of my mouth when I was younger by Dots so I'm a little apprehensive about 'sticky candy'.) and more about being a soft, chewy and sweet candy.
If you can find these, I'd suggest you try them. They're damn good and pretty closely akin to a box of froo-froo expensive French import jellies I have that are just the best damn jellies I've ever tasted and they're cheaper so.. I mean.. You do the math. Totally worth it.
Wonka's Sour Peckerooms, I MEAN PUCKEROO-Ah, fuck it. Here we go.
AHAHAHAHA.. AHAAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAA OMAGAWD, LOOK AT THE SHAPES.. HAHAHAHAHA.. THE OOMPAS FUCKED UP BIG TIME OR WONKA'S BEEN WANKING INTO THE CANDY AGAIN! Hahaha! Oh my god.. Oh my god.. Oh my god.. What more can be said about these? I'm not actually reviewing them, I never had them before they were discontinued. They're just something I knew about that I had to find a way to share because.. Well, duh.. Because you see why.
What. The. Fuck. Wonka? Hahahahahahaaaa!
THIRD (Burn Baby Burn!) photograph brought to you by CATINFERNO!!©