Nabisco Teddy Grahams Breakfast Bears Cereals:
In the 1980s and 90s everything was being made into cereal and I mean everything, it was hard to find something if neigh impossible to find something that hadn't been made into a cereal yet and if it hadn't yet it's cereal incarnation was likely just down the line a year or so. Not all were that successful and some strangely in spite of being scrumptious never received 'adequate sales' and were discontinued because of 'lack of consumer interest in the product', Nabisco Teddy Grahams Breakfast Bears Cereal (God that's a long-ass name) is one of those cereals. Maybe people just tired out too much and needed a nap after trying to say the name a few times? Seriously guys.. Teddy Grahams Cereal would have sufficed.. Anyway.. Launched in the 1990s this was a cereal that came in honey, cinnamon and chocolate varieties the best of which being by my account cinnamon and chocolate with honey a close runner-up. They were more or less Teddy Grahams, they tasted exactly like Teddy Grahams, especially the chocolate to my memory so I don't know if they actually were Teddy Graham Biscuits that had simply been re-purposed and re-branded to be called 'Cereal' or whether there were actual ingredients (lacking an ingredient list and not really caring to dig through the interwebs to find one to confirm. It doesn't matter, point is they tasted the same.) I remember carrying these in baggies and I remember a couple of times that these actually got me into an interesting argument or two because my peers would insist I was eating 'baby cookies', Teddy Grahams evidently not being acceptable for anyone out of kindergarten (why?) and my response being 'They're not cookies they're biscuits and they're not biscuits. They're cereal.', it was true and I was right but it didn't much matter and it still doesn't. Ah, memories.. Childhood peer abuse is such a fun thing. Nothing that a little baggy of Teddy Grahams Cereal couldn't solve, though. These were a great snack that always made me smile and maybe I might have gotten picked on a little for being the girl who played with her snack at the table but they're goddamn bears, can I be blamed when the cereal company gives me a cereal shaped like a fuckin' toy?
Nabisco Chips Ahoy! Cremewiches
Stepping back in time once more to the 1990s we come back upon a Nabisco product known as the Nabisco Chips Ahoy! Cremewiches - Now this was a winner in every sense and definition of the word, there have been other biscuits like it but sadly so far as I am aware they no longer exist. The Nabisco variety has all vanished entirely from shelves and that's a shame because I adored these. Two of these biscuits (which admittedly was probably too many) adorned my beloved all-mighty lunch bag every now and then, my lunch put together by my own hands and lovingly crafted with everything I loved in all it's weird splendor. These were fucking amazing. Picture if you will a creme filling more satisfying than the Oreo, far more satisfying in fact evolved from the Oreo. Having taken note from the Oreo, the creme filling is improved, increased and softened into a deeper more rich and more decadent creme than the Oreo could ever hope to have.. Then picture two moist and delicious chocolate chip biscuits with almost the consistency of shortbread, slightly chewy and all delightful replacing the shitty Oreo biscuits which I despise so thoroughly.. Seriously, the Oreo simply has a texture and crunchy consistency I can't support. Yuck. Never mind that, though.. These were the perfect sandwich biscuit and you want to talk about something that was amazing frozen? Of course I couldn't take them in lunch bags frozen but from home.. Oh god, from home.. These things were divine when frozen.. I wish the product was still sold because I'd be begging for it right now if it were and soon thereafter hopefully freezing several of the fuckers for later enjoyment and an orgasmic moment of 'me time'.
Little Debbie Zebra Snack Cakes:
So I'm not exactly a huge fan of snack cakes, most of them I find utterly disgusting and repugnant to the point that I won't ever consider tasting them for the sake of a review let alone eating them but these were different. Little Debbie Zebra Cakes were and are snack cakes that I remember having tried simply because they were around and I had nothing else and having loved, I mean I was fucking mental for these things and I wish I could find them now because I'd love to have some to myself. They were perfect as far as I'm concerned when it comes to snack-cakes and I'm not sure why, something about them just clicked with me, here's the run down.. - A creamy and soft white frosting covers the entire cake with gentle wafts of chocolate lining on the outside, the frosting serves the purpose of keeping the inside of the cake which is some sort of yellow/white cake (I have no clue what type, maybe it's just the 'classic' type) wonderfully moist and the creme filling rich and thick oozes out from this cake when bitten into. They are motherfucking godly good and if frozen? Oh my fucking crap.. Just forget about it.. These things are crack cocaine in cake form when frozen, they're crack cocaine in cake form when kept at room temperature, what am I talking about? Point in fact in 2007 a 9 year old was suspended from school for threatening to kill a classmate over a dispute regarding Zebra Cakes and I quote;
ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. —Even the mother of the girl who was threatened said she can't get a copy of the note, but she did get to read it. In a police report she said another girl talked about having a gun and wanting to kill her daughter."The note said 'I have a gun and first I'm going to shoot you in the shoulder,'" said Cindy Landfair, mother of the girl who was threatened.
From one nine-year-old girl to another, the note continued.
"...then you're going to shoot me back with a bazooka, but you're gonna miss..."
Cindy Landfair said a note to her daughter from a classmate at Southwood Elementary School went too far.
"...and then I'm going to shoot you back and kill you..." the note continued.
"I was shocked. I was terrified," Landfair said.
The girl's mother said it all started over snacks. Her daughter traded her 'zebra cakes' for a bag of chips. But when the other girl wanted both for herself, the mother said that's when she wrote the threatening note.
It happened during an after school program run by the YMCA. They suspended the girl who wrote the note, but Landfair said school officials won't tell her whether they've done the same and will only say they're handling the matter internally.
"I don't know anything at this point. The school is basically leaving me in the dark," Landfair added.
Landfair, whose daughter has a different last name, said she may pull her kids out of the school even though authorities couldn't find a gun and don't believe there was a crime committed.
When asked if she thought she was being an over protective mother, Cindy Landfair responded.
"Yes, I do, but I only have one daughter and she's not replaceable" she said.
School district administrators contacted the sheriff's office. The district said it's considering how the girl who wrote the note should be disciplined.
Need I say more? I mean really? This story is awesome and truly highlights how unbelievably awesome Zebra Cakes are. They may be the best snack cake out there right now on the market and I'm pretty certain they still are which means I really need to look into starting to beg James to buy me a box. Gods I'm a deplorable and disgusting person for wanting to eat something so unhealthy but these are worth it.
Disney Jungle Book Animal Crackers:
There may not be much good news but I at least found a new crack cocaine in the form of these Disney Jungle Book Animal Crackers from Walgreens - At $2 a bag (a huge fucking bag) they're a great deal surprisingly enough (I'm not paying out the ass for something 'Disney'?) and they're addictive delicious which is good because they're cheap as mentioned.
Looking like your run of the mill animal crackers with confusing and non-distinct animal shapes (I seriously can't tell what the fuck most of these animals are supposed to be, it's Jungle Book so I know there's a Panther, Elephant and probably a Tiger but what the fuck are these other animals? Is that a fucking camel? What the hell? Where were camels in the movie?) and of course many of the animals are broken due likely to shite handling by Walgreens staff (no offense guys, just handle the product a little more gently in the future.) leaving you with a number of random animal asses, heads and body parts. They really largely are run of the mill but something sets them apart from others I've had in the past and makes them particularly good, they have this strange kind of.. Lemony taste that is very pleasing to the palate and they're extremely filling, four of the fuckers seeming to forge into some sort of strange stomach cement which refuses to relent all through the day. Seriously good snack for kids and adults alike. They're actually and honestly really good and I suggest anyone that heads to Walgreens look into picking them up, they're totally kick-ass and you can play with them because like Teddy Grahams, they're little biscuits shaped like fucking toys. Yeah, whatever. I'm an adult and I shouldn't play with my food or play with toys but fuck off. I don't give a shit.
Second photograph brought to you by FEAR ME FISH!©