Furtive Fast-Food (Sonic Drive-In Edition)&Sultry Seafood Stir-fry

Back into the inscrutable world of the mysterious classified menu. What strange and unknown secrets may ensconce themselves off the menu, known only by those that are part of 'the in', I happen to be part of 'the in' and although I may be attacked by fast-food flunkies for sharing their systems ala The Da Vinci Code, I'll fend off their advances and their grease-laden assaults to bring you the secrets of the unspoken menu!

The code shall be cracked, the secrets shall be known, and the world shall be better for it! Question me not for I am a wily Cat and I will not be stopped by greasy spoons or sizzling spatulas! But I do love when they use waffle fries as shuriken. Yum. 

For those unawares, Sonic is an American Drive-in fast-food restaurant chain that was originally based in Oklahoma City, originally it was established in the 1950s following World War II and has been a staple in the culture of U.S. fast-food since. Interestingly there are 3,500 Sonic Drive-In's between 43 U.S. States and Sonic serves approximately 3 million customers daily. Pretty impressive stats if you ask me. As another random fact, this chains 'specialty' is drinks and they boast themselves as "Your Ultimate Drink Stop" because of the 398,929 possible drink combinations.



Fuck me that's a lot of caffeine.


Purple Sprite:

Yes, that's right. At Sonic you can make 398,929 drink combinations and among those are some of the most aberrant and mutant combinations and variations that man-kind has ever laid eyes on! It's a miracle with the amount of shit they mix together in a Sonic Drive-In that no one's managed to start a new plague or create some super form of virulent toxin. Frankly I see us waking up one day sooner or later and learning that Sonic Drive-In's managed to create just the right mixture of Sprite and purple drank colour #2 to create a strain of toxin that wiped out most of the Southern U.S. - And nothing of value was lost..


...Kidding..


But the Purple Sprite is one of the secret menu items and frankly I think for novelties sake it's pretty damn cool. This drink basically consists of Powerade, lemonade, sprite and cranberry juice. - I'd substitute the Sprite for Diet Sprite but for the rest of it I'd say it sounds like a pretty good Sports Drink.

Have it your wa-I MEAN ENJOY VARIATIONS!!:

One irritating thing about menu's is they have limited size, I suspect this is why only a fraction of the variations you can achieve at Sonic are listed and only a fraction of their available menu is known widely by the public. At Sonic they pretty much rape the 'other guy' in the 'have it your way' aspect of food creation and as such they have a whole cavalcade of burgers that aren't listed on the menu but you can order/have.

There's the Dixie Cheeseburger, The Thousand Island Jr. Cheeseburger, The California Cheeseburger, and The Super Sonic Jalapeno Cheeseburger, alternatively with the fixin's they keep on hand you can pretty much order any variation of burger you want, I doubt they'd turn you down. That's a lot of burger potential if you ask me!

..Maybe we shouldn't worry about a virulent toxin from drinks but from the burgers rather.. All it takes is one bad burger and BAM, Zombie Apocalypse.... Honestly I blame the preservatives in their foods.. Feeding that many preservatives to people is just asking for zombies.

Pickle-O's:

Normally I'm not one to support the consumption of fried-foods and especially not from fast-food chains. Somehow with their zombie creating potential they manage to be nutritionally worse than anything you could make at home and I have no clue how, how can something virtually identical still be so different?

Well this is a product on the Sonic Menu that is largely and widely thought to have been discontinued because it's no longer listed but they are still available, you can still order them.. After all, they're just pickles coated in batter and deep-fried until they are a crispy golden brown and full of artery clogging goodness (badness?) - These are predictably very popular/were very popular in the Southern U.S.

Something about rednecks and fried-food.. The fuck? It's kind of scary to be honest.. The redneck obsession with fried-food disturbs me to no end. I still believe there will be zombies, grease-covered and pimple-ridden zombies, moaning, and groaning while they trudge along with burger and fried pickle remnants in their bedraggled hair.

Dr. Pepper Orgasm:

Well I've officially never found another item I've ever wanted to order so badly in my life, the literal name for this drink is actually Dr. Pepper Orgasm.

It is a Dr. Pepper, with lemonade and Power-aid and officially counts as the single greatest phrase I could hope to rape the ears of some poor underpaid Sonic Grunt with; "I'd like a Dr. Pepper Orgasm, babeh." - Male or female, I'll say this with the utmost conviction and an absolutely straight-face and preferably I'll do so to their face just so I can see it contort in pain as they try and attempt in a feeble struggle to register precisely what was just said, what it means, and whether it counts as sexual harassment.

Sonic Grilled Ham & Cheese:

Everyone loves a Grilled Cheese sandwich and although slathered in so much butter that I'm surprised the bread doesn't just turn to slime and the fact that I cannot in good conscience support this insanity I can say that if you're going to have a grilled sandwich at Sonic you might as well order the secret menu item which is the Sonic Grilled Ham & Cheese Sandwich, what more makes a grilled cheese sandwich better?

...Seriously?

.....Ham you fucking moron, are you even paying attention or reading? - Add on jalapeno's and I think this sandwich would be absolutely brilliant.

Frito Pie:

This. Scares. The. SHIT out of me.

I just want to get that off my chest.

I've stated in the past that rednecks have a very disturbing relationship with fast-food, grease-laden meals, and foods that have so much oil and preservatives that I suspect they'd get the same nutritional value from eating something cooked by Exxon Valdez. THIS particularly aberrant mutant food-stuff is truly mind-fucking, however.

This consists of Fritos topped with a metric fuck-ton of chilli and nacho cheese, this isn't to be confused with high-quality chilli or actual cheese, this is shit I suspect to be largely if not completely artificial and is basically 'flavoured slime' for lack of a better explanation. This is a menu-item that used to be listed but is secret now and is/was widely popular again in the Southern U.S. (Gee what a surprise), god damn it rednecks. STOP TEMPTING FATE. I do not want a Walking Dead situation on my hands, especially not when most of you are going to be spewing rotten fried-pickles and gooey false-cheese ooze mixed with beans.

Dear god what a horror movie mental-image.

Dinner:

So it being XMAS and all in spite of not being able to see my family, receiving no gifts, and spending the night alone I was interested in making something more festively inspired for James for dinner before he left to go to his Holiday gathering. My dish? Shiroi kurimu de itame firetto (Stir-fried Fillet with White Sauce) - It's pure and beautiful looking if you ask me, it truly brought me a great deal of joy to have achieved something this perfect on a day like this. Down in the dumps as I feel, I can smile back on this proudly.

White fillet, broccoli, corn, noodles, and mushrooms all topped by a creamy Japanese white soy alfredo sauce (home-made), a Strawberry Cheesecake Anpan (Sweet Roll), and side of spinach with a touch of Tabasco and salt.

Looks good, don't it? I was surprised it came out as pure white as it did, with the soy and the colour of the butter it was cooked in I expected my white-sauce to be less.. Uh.. White.. But it still came out quite surprisingly white! This was devoured quick like, I'm assuming that means it was really good which is nice because it's rare I use cheese in my cooking so this was more of a 'treat' than some dinners I make.

With those noodles it all comes together at least in my opinion, I think it's so damn pretty; big success!