It's weird, as popular as Pop-Tarts are there are certain places in the world where you virtually cannot get a Pop-Tart no matter what, they're not sold commercially. One such place is Australia where they've literally been entirely discontinued, no Pop-Tart is sold in Australia commercially and they can be found only in import shops, how much does that suck?
Introduced in 1964, over the decades Pop-Tarts have been endlessly re-released, re-branded and re-purposed. I've seen the flavour of blueberry and strawberry re-released under different names with barely any variation or no variation at all more times than I care to admit and each time I wonder 'Will this be the last time?' and then I realize how many times they've done it before and smack myself for being a moron and asking a stupid question.
Pop-Tarts were actually 'officially' introduced in 1967 when it was discovered they could make frosting that withstood the heat of a toaster-oven. Originally the flavours were only strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon, and apple currant.
More history includes the fact that it wasn't until the 1990s that we discovered the intense flammability of Pop-Tarts which kind of lends to how awesome they are.. I know it's not necessarily a valued trait but anything that bursts into foot-high flames in your goddamn toaster is pretty fucking cool to me even if it does cause irreparable damage to the aforementioned appliance, your kitchen and possibly your eye brows. Who the fuck needs eye-brows anyway? Like you actually use them! Pssh.
Caramel Chocolate Pop-Tarts:
These things are goddamn yummy but they're a bit of a rarity in the sense that they're one of the only Pop-Tarts I've ever found that I prefer to be toasted and not just in a toaster, no. Forgo the normal appliance toaster and opt for your oven, trust me. If you're going to eat these, place them on a flat pan or sheet of tin-foil at 350 degrees for 5 minutes and you'll have something amazing. Do not however and I repeat do not forget them. You think appliance toaster Pop-Tarts are bad when they explode into foot-high flames? You've never fucking had a Pop-Tart oven fire-ball nearly take your ass out, then.
Taste-wise these as I recall were sort of bland, I ate them 'raw' to begin with, untouched, uncooked, unfrozen and unmodified; removed from their inner-wrapper and gently nibbled upon in the way someone tasting something does obsessively nibble. They weren't good at all, that's for sure.. They were just.. So.. Under pronounced and the chocolate flavour was very weak leaving only the crusty, dry and largely unappealing pastry as the only thing I could really discern on my palette.. Frozen they weren't great either, they lacked that certain something that made them tasty and ended up just being hard and bland biscuits.. No, these things shine when they're heated and even then they don't 'shine' so much as they glisten slightly because the frosting has been heated up a little.
I would have really preferred chocolate penicillin.
Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts:
In the seemingly endless line of fruit flavours and variations there on the Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tart comes as somewhat of a breath of fresh air. To be fair there's been Blueberry Frosted Pop-Tarts, Blueberry Unfrosted Pop-Tarts, Blueberry Fruit & Yogurt Pop-Tarts, Wildberry Pop-Tarts (Blueberry & Strawberry) and now Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts. Fuck me that's a lot of blueberry.
It's disappointing that these taste-wise aren't as delicious as the box makes them out to look to be. If you're expecting to bite into one of these and enjoy a blueberry muffin, well.. Go buy a fucking blueberry muffin, you're not getting it here.. These taste almost exactly like the normal and average blueberry Pop-Tarts though maybe a little more bland. If you want blueberry like I said, either get a muffin or just eat a damned blueberry Pop-Tart. These aren't worth it in my book. Quite disappointing.
Peanut Butter & Jelly Pop-Tarts:
THESE WERE THE GREATEST POP-TARTS EVER MADE, THE ABSOLUTE MOST DELICIOUS!!! I'm stating that again for the record and making it clear, these were divine. Featuring a thicker pastry than the Pop-Tarts you're used to today it was far more substantial and even seemed tastier than the Pop-Tart pastry is today (a little softer too if memory serves correctly), the inner-filling featuring a decadent peanut-butter frosting goo which just was yummy and accompanying it from the discontinued Grape Pop-Tart was a grape jelly goo which was divine along with the peanut-butter and all together teamed up into pure deliciousness.
Dear god these frozen.. Frozen these were a dessert and a half, add a little whipped creme, crush them up and mix it all together frozen and chilled and you've got THE most delicious dessert that's ever been conceived.
I'll never again have a bowl of whipped PB&J Pop-Tart though. :( As mentioned they've been discontinued for over a decade.. Pop-Tarts, what the hell? Why?