Gum and a Thundercats Ph.D?

So following the theme I've evidently taken over the past few days, I'm going to yet again review something. You ungrateful bastards what never comment can't say I've never done anything helpful for you now, the few of you that give a shit about thoughtlessly spending a dollar and some change ( typically ) on something without hearing some loud and intrusive girls overly aggressive/energetic opinion of it. DOES TONE OF VOICE TRANSLATE WELL OVER TEXT, BY THE WAY? BECAUSE I SHOULD BE SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW IF IT DOES AND THAT'S JUST COOL. MIIIIIND FUUUUUUUCK.

So that stated, we're reviewing. And what are we reviewing? Why a product picked up at Walmart! Not Walgreens, no. That's not a typo, Walmart. The good 'ole Wally World ( Which amusingly is also a gas-station operating by the same name in the area so that can get confusing ) but not just any product but the following product;

Wrigley's React 5 (Elixir and Flare): These were actually bought between two people in three packs, the reason why? Well, I bought one pack and James got the other and since we had six between us we swapped a pack so each of us would be able to try the others gum. This works out well because I had really wanted to know what the fuck "Flare" was and James wanted to know what "Elixir" was. While we both collectively assumed that Flare was probably basically Big Red neither of us had even the slightest inkling what the hell Elixir was. Surely it wouldn't be something mundane like bubble-gum, right? And that being the case left open the door to endless possibilities since as coming from the same people who make the Dessert Delights gum they've evidently abducted Willy Wonka's fucking Loompa's and chained them for cheap orange-skinned labour ( Insert off-colour tasteless Mexican/Indian joke here )

Elixir: Nope, it wasn't. Point in fact at first I wasn't completely sure what the hell it was, I don't know if the wrapper had any name on it because I threw the fucker away and I can't be assed to do a simple search because that takes all the fun out of guessing.. Thirdly because.. Fuck you.. That's why.. I'm not cheap orange-skinned labour, thank you! My closest guess on this gum is that it's raspberry, there's a distinctly raspberry taste and it's fairly strong on the first few chews but I must admit while satisfied right away my satisfaction eventually melted away and I was left with a rather odd and somewhat bitter taste of almost rotten berries in my mouth when the flavour soon faded away. Would I suggest this? Short term chewing, sure. You want something to chew for a long time, though? Noooo. Goddamn orange-skins can't get the flavour to stick better, really?

Flare: On the money with this one though and that's no great surprise because honestly what the hell else could it be? It's more or less Big Red with a little more sweetness and a slightly toned down spice-burn which may seem counter-intuitive for Big Red but it's actually quite good. The flavour on this as should be expected from Big Red and gums like it in general actually lasts for quite a while and hits you very strongly, that's not a bad thing though.. It's actually a good thing, a really good thing. The initial burst of flavour was far sweeter than what I've come to expect from cinnamon gums and I found it quite enjoyable myself. Of the two gums, this one get's my seal of approval.. Which is kind of depressing because in the end I was stuck with two shitty boxes of this off-tasting raspberry which while good seemed far less favourable and palatable next to the excellent Flare.

Finally coming to the last bit of our entry I'd like to address something rather perplexing that I noticed while watching an episode of ThunderCats recently ( The original 1980's ThunderCats, not the new 2011 which is still quite good in and of itself. ) - When the credits roll, I usually end the episode because frankly I don't give a shit what Korean asshole animated what samoflange but on today for some reason or another that I can't seem to recall the credits remained rolling while I.. I don't know.. Did something else, spaced out or just sat there watching them for some strange reason? Maybe the desire just hit me, maybe it wasn't anything but gas and maybe it was just fate, either way I noticed something and I noticed something strange;

ThunderCats had a Psychological Consultant? A Ph.D? The fuck? What precisely do you need a psychological consultant on a goddamn cartoon for? Was someone disturbed by the use of the word samoflange? I mean I know it borderline makes me shit my pants when I say it but try it a few times and it becomes a fun word you'll never want to live without.. Seriously though, what the hell? Perhaps someone can explain this to me, perhaps they can't, more likely they can but won't comment and I'll be left to forever ponder the mystery that is the ThunderCats Ph.D Psychological Consultant.

.......Samoflange...

Wonders of Walgreens: Wrath of Consumerism

Hello, hello my blog. My silent, dead and cob-web ridden blog.. How I wish you'd perk up.. Nevertheless, we've spoken in the past ( We've? There is actually someone else out there, right? ) about Walgreens, probably one of the best stores in this back-ass water city specifically because since I have an abnormal condition and literally cannot be in direct sun-light without serious injury or even death to myself ( I burn very easily and it would take under half an hour for me to die from exposure. Yes, it's a valid medical condition; it sucks. ) it's one of the only stores that I can actually go to being 24-hours and honestly they just have some awesome shit in the store. What sort of awesome shit? Well, I'll tell you. I won't just tell you, yet again I'm going to do the unthinkable, the unfathomable, the completely incomprehensibly redundant! I'm going to REVIEW. *Lightning strikes in background.*

So what does Walgreens have that you've never tried? What could I possibly review that you'd be even remotely interested in, what could I review that was cool and possibly even nostalgic? Well, we'll start off the offerings with the following;

Pop Rocks: Okay fine, you've probably had Pop Rocks before. FUCK OFF, I had to start the reviews with something and it's better to set the bar low so at least I've got some room to try and raise it. Walgreens of course sells Pop Rocks, not individual packages of course but 3-Pack packages, they're also quite worth it ranging around 0.99 a bag and come in the flavours pictured and advertised on the bag (DUH) Strawberry, Watermelon and Pineapple. Not just any Strawberry, Watermelon and Pineapple mind you, they're GIANT GODDAMN EXPLODING STRAWBERRY, WATERMELON AND PINEAPPLES! and truthfully I want to know who came up with the idea of popping candy, it must have been Willy Wonka because popping candy seems like something magical and fantastical that could have only come from the mind of someone whom fervently believed while candy was dandy liquor was quicker. Amazingly Pop Rocks while not filling in the slightest are satisfying if you have a sweet tooth, at the tiny fraction of calories that comes from a single bag ( one serving ) you could easily overlook the intake even if they are nothing but pure explosive sugar. They're satisfying in the sense that they're utterly delicious and delightful fun to eat and play with. You won't find many candies as fun as Pop Rocks and you know you love them, I know I do.

Necco Wafers Original: These are maybe I'd say 99% certainly my favorite candy of all time. Why? I don't know why, I think they're delicious. There's a neat story behind them too, you see these are one of those old-timey candies that are truly old-timey, this is a candy that has a small, underground but surprisingly loyal fan-base ( possibly just consisting of me being as I'm a rabid psychotic for the strangest shit ) and often times I've found it none too surprising to learn that many people don't actually know what Necco Wafers are and have never heard of them in spite of their life-spans. The Necco Wafer? It's been around in one form or another since 1847 when they were originally made. The product didn't start selling as Necco Wafers until 1912 and has been around ever since. To give you an idea? The Titanic sunk in 1912, this is a fairly vintage candy. Boasting eight different flavours; lemon, lime, orange, clove, cinnamon, wintergreen, liquorice, and chocolate the Necco Wafer pack comes with no assortment of flavours to be scoffed at. The big question is, how do they taste? Truthfully? To me they taste like absolute heaven, they're not great for you of course and they claim the whole roll is a single serving which I'd contest ( being at excess of 200 calories ) but they're candy and damn it all to hell they're good. Surprisingly some of my personal favorite flavours in the pack are liquorice and chocolate, I think others tend to agree because I know a variation of Necco Wafers is sold that is all solely chocolate wafers. Some of the flavours are a little lacking and some aren't that good admittedly but out of such a large assortment you can find some you're going to really adore and some you'll be able to stomach or won't lament much about tossing to the side. Want to try a new candy and a unique history experience? Try these. They're worth it.

And finally we're at the curtain closer, the crescendo, the terminus ad quem. This is yet another something that came out of Walgreens that nearly made me wet myself in excitement, why Walgreens seems to carry these most awesome of treats I will never know but I will always be thankful for, some of you may recall an earlier blog post of mine featuring the beloved Eeyore Marshmallow Lolli well Walgreens has done it again, friends, visitors and frustratingly silent audience I give you the following;

The HELLO GODDAMN KITTY MARSHMALLOW LOLLI!! Can I just have a moment? AWESOME. I don't care what anyone says, I don't give a SHIT what you think or how you feel about me for stating it but I LOVE Hello Kitty. I love their blatant corporate merchandising because it's actually good merchandising, I love the unbelievably cutesy nature of it and I love the little Kitty White. I've liked Hello Kitty since before it became cool in the U.S so I'm not just one of those previously adolescent girls that got into it when it was "the thing", surprisingly James seems to have zeroed in on this as I asked him to get me something he thought would excite me and I'd love and he comes out with THIS EPIC FUCKING THING! I AM FOAMING AT THE GODDAMN MOUTH!!! Do I care what this thing tastes like? NO, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. SIT THE FUCK DOWN GODDAMN. CHRISTFUCK THIS THING IS LOW ON CALORIES TOO AND IS A SINGLE-SERVING MOTHERFUCKER GODDAMN. You better bet your ass this thing will be with me for a looong ass time before I decide to eat it IF I ever decide to eat it because then I'd be Kitty White-less. Do I suggest you get one? Let me put it this way.. YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!! NAOOOOOO!

( DISCLAIMER: Hello Kitty Marshmallow Lolli may not be everyones cup of tea but I was so in love with it I had to post about it. )

Marshmallows, gum and bimbos

So rarely do I ever actually give the people who visit my blog ( There are some, right? It's so quiet, I can't tell! ) something constructive and helpful. This? Going to be one of those rare times, half-way at least. I'm at least going to review something on this entry, I don't know if it'll be helpful but I'll damn well make certain you know my opinion on some random product. Though the first product?

Not actually a product I'm reviewing, not a product I purchased. Merely a product I managed to notice.. Mostly due to the fact that the motherfuckers were sitting pile upon pile in boxes and were bigger than my goddamn fist. THE WHOLE FIST. Okay, I've seen big marshmallows. These bastards? They make jumbo look like mini. What the hell are you going to do with a marshmallow literally the size of a girls fist? Wait, no. Don't answer that you sick little moo-cows, I don't want to know in spite of my rampant curiosity. Though I'm fairly certain that eating just one of these monstrosities they call marshmallows is equivalent of injecting concentrated essence of sugar and lard directly into your heart, I can't help but think they're wonderful. Never have I seen a marshmallow I've been so sure I could kill a person with and never have I desired to so badly. I guess if you don't plan to eat them you could always use them as throw-pillows.

The next entry? It's an actual review, holy shit I'm being constructive. At the risk of freaking out and scaring off my few faithful viewers I present the following for your consideration; Extra: Dessert Delights Apple Pie and Orange Cream Pop and I also ask, am I the only one that finds these mutant gum flavours slightly disconcerting? It's almost as if a machine has tapped into my subconscious and is feeding me precisely what I desire but doing so as if it were an IV drip, I get tired of one thing and start to drag and then I find these.. Jade, the Matrix has you. Oh god.. The Matrix.. But wait, what about the gum, we'll worry about the Matrix later, right? Well while I wait for agents to bust down my door and we begin an action packed Kung-Fu fight sequence I'll try to finish the article.



Dessert Delights Apple Pie: This made me nearly shit myself in excitement and anticipation. They've had Key Lime Pie which was pretty impressive, Strawberry Shortcake that tasted like Strawberry Shortcake, and the Snozberries tasted like Snozberries! Amazingly whatever mad scientist sat in his lab all night figuring out a way to fit an apple pie into a stick of gum ( Possibly Carl Sagan in which case, congratulations asshole, you're chewing the universe. ) was a brilliant motherfucker worthy of a Nobel Peace-prize. Okay, maybe they're not perfect, the flavour doesn't last as long as I'd like it to but they are damn tasty. They actually truly taste like apple pie. What the hell?

Dessert Delights Orange Cream Pop: Remember those old Flintstones Push-ups you used to get as a kid? No? Well if you don't, kill yourself now. My childhood was abuse, neglect and poverty and even I got Flintstones Push-ups, point is.. Well, assuming you're not hanging from the ceiling or bleeding out currently in which case I advise a band-aid, I hear those fix everything and might I suggest Flintstones Band-Aids and perhaps even some Flintstones Vitamins to perk up your blood-loss weakened body.. Unless you're hanging from the ceiling then I guess just.. Uh.. Good luck with that.. Anyway, back to the Push-ups. Like the Apple Pie I was amazed, it's uncanny how much these sticks of gum really taste like the Flintstones Push-ups. The flavour on these lasted a little longer than the Apple Pie, they're also really good and addictive. Careful if you buy either of these gum brands, seriously. This shit will fuck with your head, but there's never been an easier way to have your cake, eat it too and finally not have to fret about having taken a billion calories in.

In closing, I'd like to be a senselessly ignorant git probably bordering if not flat-out crossing over into racism and definitely crossing into a more puerile nature and simply giggle at the following, it really requires no explanation.. Though I'm sure it means something entirely different, I just want to put a blond wig on it and walk away to leave people wondering;

AHAHAHAHOSHITAGENTSSGBNGHM

Cooking; an art form?

I wonder sometimes, I'm not the best cook ever and I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a 'chef' or even qualify to be called one but one thing I do know for sure is that I have an intense and burning love for cooking. I consider cooking to be an art-form, when I'm cooking or working with food I want no one around me, it's my 'zen-zone', it's one thing that makes me more happy than anything else like when I'm training my Martial Arts. For me cooking is not just about creating something that tastes good but something that looks beautiful, I think there's a special connection made when you really get into cooking something and I think it shows in the way you display what you've created. I get a special one of a kind thrill, a great thrill.. An indescribable pleasure of the highest caliber from hearing honest feedback good or bad about my dishes, especially when it's good admittedly and especially when someones truly enthusiastic about something they've tasted that I've made. For the record, yes. I realize such a serious post from me is both fucking creepy and fucking weird, sorry. I need to express myself and I wanted to do it where I can at least assume it's being seen by others and perhaps I might even get some feed back and responses and know what others think and how they feel about cooking themselves and perhaps even my dishes. Over the past three nights? I've really been into the 'zone' lately, I've made James three separate dishes and they've all come out really quite well. Some spectacularly so. Here they are;

The first here is Gyokai-Kushi ( Skewered Seafood ) and boy was it a bitch to make, ever tried to use chopsticks to substitute actual skewers and slip little slivers of shrimp and vegetables onto? Fuck you, don't lie. You haven't. And if you have, you know; that shit is ever loving hard. Frankly this one came out looking incredibly pretty in my opinion and I was informed it was quite tasty.

The next is a simple Choushoku ( breakfast ) dish. It's more or less ( there are of course some minor alterations ) a traditional Japanese breakfast dish. Nori no rappu-gyo ( Dried Seaweed wrapped-fish ), Furaidoeggo ( Fried Egg ), ebi ( shrimp ) and Amai Gohan ( Sweet White Rice ), this one was really good I gather, those eggs? James devoured them in under like thirty seconds and no, I'm not kidding. If one is to take anything as a sign that it's good, one should take someone inhaling something like that as a definite sign.

And tonight? Dorayaki Choushoku ( basically they're the Japanese equivalent of pancakes ), of course it's another Japanese Breakfast dish and I think it came out beautifully. The Dorayaki themselves? Three stacks of Dorayaki with two layers concealing both a serving of Anko ( Sweetened Red Bean Paste ), four raspberries per tier and two chunks of breakfast meat ( sausage ) - Honestly I'm just inclined to repeat how proud of how beautifully I think this dish came out looking. I can't see any visual flaws with it and there were no complaints on flavour, I'm guessing by the fact that it was gone almost as quickly as the eggs that it was quite good as well.






So that's me, that's that. I think cooking is an art-form, I don't enjoy much else in life more than I do cooking and every single day I wake up everything is just a time-burner for the point in the day when I finally get to cook. I'm extremely enthusiastic and passionate about it which may be an understatement, to say I love it is.. A disservice.. Cooking is something I do that just fills me with a pride and a certain sense of complete oneness that I can't describe, right down to the pit of my soul.

And now.. Back to your regularly scheduled bullshit ( in other words, new posts coming soon. )

I don't think 'yer ready 'fer sum footbawl.

Points to anyone that get's the entry names reference.

Here in Alabuttfuckbama it's an odd place.. There's a literal law prohibiting sex in any position other than the missionary because naturally all of us are Christians and certainly not Godless heathens, used to they wouldn't sell alcohol on Sundays ( That was only recently changed ) and the average hill-billy hick up here seems to rank about .50 on the IQ scale and thinks that's pretty good because hey, that them there's two numbers 'anda dot. Them's must be 'sum good learnin' they dun did. To say this place is a godforsaken cesspool would be an insult to a godforsaken cesspool, I question if anything would change if the eventual Fallout-esque nuclear apocalypse befell this state.. Maybe Jimbob over there might mutate an arm out his forehead which might be pretty awesome for him because then he's got one closer to his mouth to drizzle the beer in.. I digress, though. I don't hate this place as much as I sound like I do and there are some pretty decent people around, not many but some.. Though I will say this, Alabama's general obsession with football is something I will never speak positively of. Bluntly, it's Deliverance creepy. They're about as obsessed with football as Mercy was with the idea that that motherfuck in her bed was not leaving. Hobbling much, anyone? That's why last night when I entered the local Wal-Mart for our weekly shopping-trip I was both horrified and impressed by the display that stood before me.

Yes, it's a big picture. It's a BIG GODDAMN DISPLAY. GODDAMN SON. These rednecks do NOT fuck around when it comes to football, I mean who the hell was the poor sap they wrangled into putting this display together? It's both impressive and horrifying, does this solidify the claims that working for Wal-Mart is akin to slavery, that you can literally be owned by this terrifyingly powerful corporate entity? Shit.. I'd think so.. I'd be scared as piss of the man ( or forbid, woman ) that actually wanted to spend the time stacking coke boxes up to build this shit.. Maybe while they built it they were downing soda's from discarded boxes by the second, that would explain the obsessive energy seen in this thing. Does obsessive even cut it? I feel like we've reached some mutant form of obsession with this display like obsessively obsessive compulsive football fetish disorder... OBSESSIVE... This shit barely fit in my camera, what are they going to do when some asshole inevitably comes around and starts a trend of playing Jenga with this display? Sooner or later some kid's going to die in an avalanche of carbonated beverag... Wait.. Scratch that, that's awesome.. The head lines read "Soda Pressing: Child Killed By Wal-Mart Display".. Yeah, there may be something to that.. Note to self, start giant game of Jenga with disturbing yet impressive display of Alabamian Football Worship.

You know the sad thing? I suspect something like this would survive the apocalypse in a situation where nothing else did so the next civilization/people up will only have this to go by as a way of knowing how we once lived and whom we once were. Yeah, that's a great thought.. Maybe in hindsight I do actually hate this place as much as I sound like I do, though that might just be the veins nearing bursting limit against my brDSAGwfweac23

A McDonalds sack from 1994 and Japanese cuisine

So hiya, I'm not sure how many of you remember back even this recently or how many of you are actually reading my blog regularly ( Anyone? Aaaaaanyooooone? I ask as I hear my voice echoing, only one persons comments to keep me company. By the way, that's me shamelessly hinting POST SOME DAMN COMMENTS. I NEEDS SOME LOVE. Not that I have delusions of becoming a 'net super-star or even being known by a small portion of the net by name, but still. ) but in the early/late 90's there was a little fad that hit and survived for at least a short period of time ( Seems really short now ) and that fad was known as 'Pogs'. Pogs were simply cheaply made usually cardboard but sometimes plastic and the ever coveted metal disks with images emblazoned upon their surfaces. With the popularity of the Pog collecting fad, McDonald's being the corporate entity it was ( And is ) seized the opportunity not only with excellent timing for the fad itself but adding in the extra popularity boost of the then recent first Super Sentai ever edited and butchered for American television, the cheese-o-rama that was; Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Yes, in 1994 friends there was a promotion for Power Rangers Pogs or as McDonald's coined them, 'Power Rangers Power Coins' ( NOT THE FACE! I understand punishment but that's just cruel! )

The Commercial

(Also if McDonald's actually transformed into a robot like that I'd of motherfucking jacked the bitch and gone on a downtown rampage.. Or more likely piloted the thing to another McDonald's to go through the drive-thru with it just to fuck with their heads in an extra special way.)

Personally it is my belief that whomever was in charge of marketing for McDonald's for this time and responsible for the Power Rangers Pogs was a marketing God and genius. These things hit and sold like motherfucking gold laced crack cocaine. I specifically remember the gauntlet of Power Rangers toys and merchandising that McDonald's acquired because their offering them turned the local McDonald's into a fucking gang-war complete with soccer moms decking their mini-vans out road-warriors style, guerrilla war-fare and business men shanking one another with executive pens. Why? ...Honestly? We all thought the fuckers would be worth something.

It wasn't until recently that I was sorting through my toy drawer ( NOT DIRTY! No, really. ) that I found this old decrepit and partially ripped bag. Curious as to why the hell such an old and cloth-like paper bag had been pushed to the back of the drawer, I brought it out and glanced inside. Lo and behold a mountain of mint-condition wafers of Poggy goodness glanced back at me, I'd forgotten about these.

So why do I still have these little bastards? Well, as I mentioned.. Back when they released we all thought they'd be the next big thing, we all believed they'd be worth a damn in the future. Collecting them was a way to ensure a proper investment for a futures.. In theory, anyway.. Theory so rarely works.. It's sad too because I'm fairly certain I have all the little fuckers, an impressive task seeing as Lord Zedd's grotesque inside-out ass pretty much dominates the field ( By the way everyone ever picture meeting him and just... Licking his exposed brain? No? ...Me neither, of course. I'm sure he'd taste nothing like smoked sausage or bacon. ) the fact that VR-Troopers are so prominent also seems illogical and a poor choice.. I know VR-Troopers was another Tokusatsu butchered from Japan for American television but I never really watched it and honestly I don't remember it being popular at all so why are these little robot Cybermen wanna be motherfuckers all up in my POWER RANGERS POWER COINS?! Some mysteries will never be answered..

And moving on from inedible Power Rangers Power Coins? ( Are they inedible? Has anyone actually tried? Mhh.. You know that Zedd coin is kind of making me hankering for bacon.. I wonder... ) we move to my culinary creation for the day; Hottouingu.

Commonly called 'hot wings' in the United States, they've recently become a small pub-staple in Japan along with the usual Yakitori and the like. Of course cooked specifically Japanese they're first marinated over-night in a bath of their hot bbq sauce, then come cooking time a mixture of flour and spices are added to create a batter that shouldn't crisp too much but should be just right cooked into the meat, they're then pan-fried, and finally moved from the pan-fry to a dry-pan where they're further cooked until done ( extra sauce being added during this step. ) when you're finally done you serve them up, top them with a tiny bit more of bbq sauce and dish the.. Uh.. Dish.. Personally I think it all came out rather nicely and with a great display. I'm very happy with it.

Wonders of Walgreens

Apologies for the title, sounds kind of like it might be an MMO, right? I'll roll a Human Manager (DPS spec) with a stealth specialization, level up my mad skillz with such dangerous tasks as restocking shelves, toy aisle destruction by the dreaded Murtots and the ever horrifying CUSTOMER SERVICE (Because if you think your towns retail has it hard imagine what retail with competent managers must be like surrounded by the backwater hicks that largely make up a place like Alabumfuckbama. Yeah, that would be the fear poop setting into your pants.)

The local Walgreens while it's often in the past been a favorite spot of mine to frequent has in the current frame of time become something of a.. Well, a place to be avoided. Frankly some of (most of) the employee's are unfriendly and with lives as miserable as I assume theirs to be, I'm not surprised and a few of them in the past have been downright assholes. (I mean it's really fun when a backwater hick finds out you're not Christian *GASP*BUMBUMBUUUUM! and decides to take it upon himself to show you the error of your ways the way Jesus would; good 'ole fashion down-south harassment!) still the local Walgreens is a variable treasure trove of wonderful finds if you know where to look and what to look for, sometimes you don't even have to know what you're looking for necessarily, it just kind of jumps out at you. Such was the case with the following product.

That's right, a generic brand given.. It's Walgreens Australian Liquorice, when I first received this package it was a surprise from James and I frankly was somewhat underwhelmed. Not necessarily because I don't like Liquorice, more because I know what "Australian" means here in the U.S and as mentioned I'm currently knee-deep in Alabumfuckbama. *Glances around for source of dueling banjo's strums.* ...I feel dirty.. Let's hurry the article along, shall we? I was underwhelmed because my first thought was "Yeah, Australian. Right I'm sure, about as Australian as Outback Steakhouse, huh?" - No, my usual cynicism aside.. I was actually wrong.. A little going over on the package revealed that this was in fact an Australian made product, further research seemed to yield the indication that this candy had in fact been made in Australia. It confuses me because why would you market such a thing in such a place? I mean Alabamians are not really known for their stunning sense of culture, no offense and truthfully I can't see this really being accepted or chosen by a large crowd of consumers but nevertheless, here it is and here I am. Happy and amazed. The candy itself? It's very good, it's the traditional Australian Liquorice I'm used to aside from the raspberry flavour (I'm actually used to the black which isn't James' fault, he didn't know.) and Australian Liquorice differs in the fact that unlike U.S Liquorice it is soft as opposed to being a hardened string that will threaten to forcefully remove your incisors if you're foolish enough to go into it without the proper backing. I'm not typically a fan of U.S Liquorice, that's not just a bias either; I don't like things that threaten to go Christmas Elf on Yeti against my ass, especially not something I'm supposed to be enjoying. I'm still too young to gum things down. This stuff, however? Quite flavourful and good. You won't find a better Liquorice out there in my opinion, even if you don't like the stuff if you can find it I suggest you give it a try. You may be surprised.

So what's next on the list?

Next we have a favorite of mine, a snack for cheap/poor fucks. Sweet Time Jelly Beans, I'm pretty sure these are considered 'generic' because I've personally never seen anything from this company 'Sweet Time' but even if this is all they've ever put out (I doubt it) at least they could say they did this goddamn right. I've had other jelly beans, I've had Jelly Belly's, Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans, Smuckers (Motherfuck does that name sound dirty and feel dirty to say), Brach's, and others.. Too many really to name.. Honestly? I can't think of a single jelly bean that even begins to rival these.

If a 'Jelly Belly' is the 'gourmet' version of the jelly bean then Sweet Time Jelly Beans must be the Nectar of the Gods compressed in bean form with love, a sprinkling of sex, afterglow, foreplay and some random shit from Bacchus thrown in just to make it extra decadent and good. These are the purest form of jelly bean that exist. Tasty? For just $1.10 you can get this WHOLE BAG which is filled with the absolute most heavenly and delicious jelly beans ever to grace my tongue. YES THEY'RE TASTY. Oh my god MOTHERFUCK THEY'RE TASTY. If I were a hobo right now, starving and given the choice of buying a steak dinner for $1.10 or a bag of these jelly beans? Well I'd be making me some jelly bean hobo stew now, wouldn't I? YOU BET YOUR CANDY ASS I WOULD. If your ass was made of these jelly beans as an alternative point I'd kill you and feast upon your hinder, your fecal matter the sweet sweet jelly filling of the bean and your ass cheeks the gentle and soft deliciously pliable and sugary shell. I HAVE NO PROBLEM SAYING THAT OR IMAGINING IT, THEY'RE THAT DAMN GOOD. TRY THEM NOW OR YOU WILL DIE AN EMPTY PERSON.

TINY BUUURGERRRRR!

So I haven't been posting again like I usually do with the day to day post, frankly it's not because I've felt like shit; I've actually felt pretty good.. The actual reason? Nothing goddamn happened. Nothing to post, nothing neat really found and frankly no inspiration. The high point of the week? We got a new tenant in the complex ( our side of the apartments, across from us but still our side and living above our best mate ) so I, being the unofficial 'welcoming wagon' of the apartment complex and one of the few people living here who isn't a miserable asshole cock stain... And lest you think I'm kidding, some asshole out here while I was training ( I do Shaolin Kung Fu, Martial Arts ) decided to start screaming obscenities and insults at me cursing me out, threatening me and calling me a whore all because.. Well, he didn't have a fucking reason, he just did. Literally. Evidently according to him and this is verbatim we live in a quote unquote "redneck state". Nice. Continuing on the subject I veered off from anyway, being the unofficial welcoming wagon of the complex I baked the 'fella some cookies. I know, weird, old fashioned but it's my thing. Everyone who doesn't act like a complete ass-hole to me for no reason ( And believe it or not recently some new tenets moved in that actually fucked with me for no reason the first or so day they were here, mocking me and insulting me. Fun. )  gets hand-made and freshly-baked cookies delivered directly to their door. Sugar cookies, in fact.

However tonight I was thinking, "I really haven't posted on my blog in several days, frankly I can't think of anything to post. Saying 'IT'S BEEN REALLY FUCKING BORING' wouldn't cut it and honestly does anyone want to hear that? No. They want something else, at least I think." and so tonight as boredom levels began to teeter at an all-time high and I realized that I was beginning to obsessively clean things that were already clean I decided upon the best idea I've had in a while; "I'm going to fuck with James' head."

So I set out! I devised a brilliant plan in my ever brilliant and devious mind and decided upon one thing, I was going to cook him something. But not just anything and this was only half a labour of love, the other half? PURE FUCK EVIL. Well, okay.. Maybe it wasn't that wicked, but it was certainly a bit of a mind-fuck I came up with.

I had sent him out to Wal-Mart to pick me up the elixir known as 'Vernors Ginger Ale' and upon his return I began piecing together my devious creation. He had been sitting for little more than three minutes when I called to him;

"I made you something, hunny."
"Oh? What's that?" he queried
"A cheese-burger." I replied
"What? Really?" he questioned in disbelief
"Yep." I responded
"To like eat now?" he questioned, his sense of bewilderment clearly growing
"Of course." I said as I marched the dish out held firmly behind my back

You see, I had not lied. I had made him a cheese-burger. I HAD JUST MADE HIM A BARBIE SIZED CHEESE-BURGER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Oh it's the real-deal. It's got a custom-made freshly baked bun which I created the dough for myself, seasoned beef grilled to perfection, cheese ( monterey ) and mayonnaise carefully applied to the bottom of the bun. Is it not adorable? FYI, the plate it's on? Tiny plate. Tiny tiny plate for an even more tiny burger, I shit you not. This thing was gone in a single bite. It was AWESOME.

Just so none question the truthfulness of the article, here you can see for yourself the cheese, mayonnaise and beef as well as the size of the burger when compared to the tiny plate ( which is several times smaller than a normal dinner plate. It's meant for a single piece of toast, basically. ) so, yes. Mind-fuck had, time enjoyed and now a post made.

TINY BURGER, I LOVED YOU!!!

Truly awesome shit

Well we all know I have the habit of finding my muse in odd places.. At least you should if you've been reading this blog, if you don't then you HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION HAVE YOU?! ....Well, or you're new.. In which case, I apologize for the scream spittle, welcome and enjoy your stay. I find my muse in simple things and odd places because frankly normal mundane shit just doesn't cut it for me which is somewhat contradictory since the places I find my muse or the things I often attach to are normal and mundane shit. Furthermore to make your head fucking spin is the fact that the fact that I attach myself so thoroughly to normal mundane shit then makes it to be the exact opposite of normal mundane shit making it randomized and abnormal. HAH. FUCK YOU LOGIC.

But at any rate, sometimes and some days you find shit that just... I don't know, touches the inner portions of your mind and soul and you just know; "this is something special".

We'll start this off with something rather common-place, except it's not. Now I'm assuming by the name "Werther's Original" that this is meant to represent their full line of candies as the company "Werther's" original creations because frankly, I don't see how the fuck this could be original otherwise. Werther's have always been a single flavour hard candy, at least that's how they started out so that's their original form, right? Nevertheless, I found this and thought it was awesome. I mean I like Werther's to begin with, I was the odd kid out when I was younger that when some old person would give me a Werther's while the other kids were moaning about how lame it was and how it was an 'old person candy' I was like "FUCK YES GERIATRICS AND SENILITY HERE I GODDAMN COME!" and in truth, I kind of can't wait to be old just so I can justify fucking with peoples heads more than I already try to. At least that way I can use an excuse like senility or dementia as opposed to simply being "wrong in the head" which I still totally am and still totally will be and I'm okay with that. I just want a thin veil so someones always asking themselves whether I'm doing this shit on purpose or whether my brain turned to mashed potatoes. Mm... Potatoes..

Next up we have another photograph that apparently decided it was going to be goddamn upside down but nevertheless it should be instantly obvious exactly why I attached myself to this item. IT'S A GODDAMN BUR. Not just any bur, a honey bur! AND IT'S FUCKING ADORABLE! Shit like this was what made me a weird kid when I was younger, you see.. When you're poor and you can't afford toys, you start to see toys in simple and abnormal things. I remember these fondly, the idea that they'd make a bur shape for a honey product was just.. Beyond me and brilliant.. I remember playing with these motherfuckers like they were dolls and specifically fashioning clothing for them from handkerchiefs. I was ungoddamnstable but Mrs. Honeyburgoddamnseaqueen was BEAUTIFUCKINGFULL.

And then there's faire from recent years because you see when I was younger and through most of my life Ghirardelli and things like it always represented 'expensive' and 'rich' society in America. I couldn't fucking afford them but often the kids around me could, I remember finding the little preppy kids rather annoying with their Altoids and fancy chocolates. YES I THOUGHT ALTOIDS WERE RITZY GODDAMN SHIT. FUCK OFF. The thing that amazes me about this is not that it's Ghirardelli and I finally have one which is kind of like Charlie and the Chocolate factory for me except instead of the possibility of finding a Golden Ticket in my chocolate bar I get better, it's the fact that this motherfucker assures me that there is DARK MOTHERFUCKIN RASPBERRY CREME in the center of this chocolate bar. I DO NOT KNOW HOW, ALL I KNOW IS THIS IS AWESOME. I DO NOT CARE TO KNOW HOW, WE LOWLY PEONS SHOULD NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF CHOCOLATE GODS; SIMPLY ENJOY THE BOUNTY AND BE THANKFUL OUR UNWORTHY HANDS MAY TOUCH UPON IT. Whew.. Okay, volume down now..



And now.. Because of course you know, we've saved the best for last.. I'd like to introduce you to the single most amazing, most awesome and wonderful coupon yes, coupon to ever grace upon me.. But before I do, let me state. The possibilities for this coupon? Both good and evil pretty evenly. This thing is like an ultimate power.

Now I'm sure I'm mispronouncing it, I'm sure I'm just being an uneducated and ignorant boob but still. How do you see this being read by anyone and everyone who got one?

"Honey, where would you like to go out to eat tonight?"
"Oh I don't know, Phuket. Let's try that.."

Yeah.. Phuket. Because phuk you and phuk me it's phuket time! THIS MAKES ME SO GODDAMN HAPPY!!!!!!! Because you KNOW as well as I do that about twenty people a day in all seriousness call up to that restaurant and ask the specific line "Is this fuck it?" or something vaguely to that effect and I LOVE IT, these Thai bastards have found a way to coerce even the conservative Christian shits of this bible belt hell-hole to profanity possibly without them even realizing it and even if they do, THEY'RE STILL DOING IT.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

...Please excuse me now, I need to go change my pants... and panties...

Suicide Cereal

So, right. I haven't been posting lately, I haven't been feeling well again over the past few days. Frankly I've just taken a break and been trying to focus on myself as opposed to focusing on the blog and bleeding more of myself out, but I'm feeling moderately better now so I think I'm going to make a small post here. A post about what? Suicidal cereal.

You see, it's always been my belief that cereal has emotions. Don't ask me why, I just feel it does and little things tend to reinforce my belief that the cereal feels.. And then something like this comes along and I end up screaming like a fucking batshit Bellevue patient at a piece of cereal "DON'T DO IT, MAN. IT'S NOT WORTH IT! YOU'LL BE FOREVER!!!!", I'm not sure how but I'm convinced that one day I'm going to come into the kitchen and find this particular piece of cereal has taken it's own life. It's survived a year, a single solitary year which is an impressive life-span I should expect for a piece of cereal that's been out of it's natural habitat for so long and who knows, perhaps the fresh air is doing it well and giving it a new lease on life? Nevertheless, when I found this particular piece of cereal I exclaimed but one thing; "HOLY FUCKING SHITE. THIS IS SO. FREAKING. COOL." - I remember it like it was yesterday, I take a certain... Strange and unhealthy joy in finding pieces of abnormal cereal, I mean really.. What more to life is there? How often do you find a truly unique piece of cereal? Do you have the foresight to save it? To stash it away somewhere never to be eaten but protected, venerated and possibly worshiped? Well, I'm just mentally unstable enough to do exactly fucking that.

Although this blog post is short, it's sweet like the piece of cereal. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions; cereal or secretly sentient suicidally depressed Graino Sapien?

Whatever it is, it's fucking AWESOME.

An early Halloween PART 4; MORE CAAANDY!

Well, I haven't made a post in a few days because frankly I've felt like shit and I still feel like shit. I'm depressed and I don't feel super grand and I just wanna feel better. Spending a full day alone today which is something I really didn't want to do but it had to be done and dealt with so I'm dealing. I'm dealing by making a blog post to suck up time before I inevitably crash or try in vain to find something to occupy my time that won't bore me out my fucking skull. Sometimes I hate life. Specifically these moments when I get so depressed that I can become so monumentally lonely that even things I may find fun any other day make me feel like blowing my brains out with.. Well, I don't like guns so we'll have to be more creative.. Trepanning myself with a crossbow... Actually that probably would be fun before the babble, drool and probably die part. It'd always be fun to see precisely what sort of shit Egon was trying to pull before he was stopped, actually. Maybe I'll try that later.. Anyway, onto the actual post! CANDY! Pure fuck sugar!

Because obviously sugar is totally something I need to be given. Luckily my inclination is to have sugar to look at it and possibly eventually eat it, being the obsessively health-minded type of person I am the chances that sugar touches my tongue at any point in the whole year is extremely low. It happens, it just doesn't happen often.. Which is probably fine because truthfully? Our apartment complex is shite and I don't think this old rickety place could handle my body finally hitting and achieving super-sonic speed and the sonic-boom from my breaking the sound barrier. Walls? Windows? Neighbors? FUCK 'EM!

So I've seen some really neat candy in the past, I'm pretty simple minded. What I may find awesome and neat is often dictated by what my adoration is currently and inexplicably held by. Right now? Happens to be the Catkin. Yes, ever since posting about it my love for the damned thing has grown ten-fold. I don't understand why. It's useless, it motherfucking sits there and grins like a palsy patient on enteral midazolam ( Look, the motherfuckers are out of it to begin with. After you put them on sedation? They're in another fucking world. ) but I love the damn thing so freakin' much! Now here's the thing, James recently came home with a new candy for me and I'm pretty sure that while the damn things scare the fuck out of me with the idea of eating them ( only five of the little shits weigh in at 140 calories, FIVE TINY FUCKING CANDIES. ) and their second listed ingredient is 'corn syrup' ( AKA High Fructose Corn Syrup AKA shit that will probably contribute to most peoples deaths in the United States because it's pumped into goddamn everything for some reason and it's REALLY bad for you. ) they're still tiny pumpkins that were purchased with the thought behind them that I'd love them because they resemble the Catkin and isn't that just so adorably thoughtful? NOD YOUR HEAD, MOTHERFUCKER. NOD IT.

 

The Culprits in question, the Candykins. For some reason the dipshit picture decided to handstand even though it displays on my phone and computer as right-side up so fuck it, whatever. Be a 'tard on your fuckin' skull, see if I goddamn care!

And you know... Looking over the ingredients I'm inclined to believe they're simply candy corn and the fact that it claims 'made with real honey!' which is an odd claim seeing as honey is.. Oh.. Only the motherfucking seventh thing on the damn list of ingredients. If you're going to advertise honey shouldn't it be in greater quantity than corn syrup? Why not advertise 'made with real corn syrup!', you know why? Because people wouldn't fucking buy it. Because it's DISGUSTING. It tickles me that 'salt' and 'gelatin' are both above honey, I can understand gelatin.. We need our crushed ground up hooves and bones to retain the integrity of the Candykin shape, after all ( LESSON FOR YOU ALL, GELATIN IS MADE OF GROUND UP HOOVES AND BONES. TRUE STORY. FUCKING ENJOY THAT, THANKS! Lessons here are abrupt, abrasive and intrusive, full of inane and disgusting facts but they're free and that's what counts. Furthering edumacation for the gain of the human race. That's me. ) but the fact that the damn bag advertises it being made with 'real honey' feels to.. I don't know.. Oversell the ingredient.. Like 'we may of only added a drop but it's motherfucking there! TRUST US OR WE'LL KILL YOUR GODDAMN FAMILY AND RAPE YOUR DOG WITH A CHICKEN BONE!'

...Moving on, anyway..

We come to quite possibly my favorite candy in my possession currently and unsurprisingly came from the year of the Catkin, a rather good haul by my standards at least. Considering I usually get jack and or shit.. This candy I'm tempted to leave be and not eat not because I'm necessarily disgusted by it, quite to the contrary. It could easily be consumed in acceptable doses for the perfect caloric intake and I'd never have to worry about consuming 140+ calories by eating five goddamn tiny bites ( Because whose going to actually be happy with five pieces? COME ON. I'm not even being gluttonous here. )  but because they're simply awesome.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Monster Lab Test tubes. Liquid candy with a small gummy submerged inside, a simple enough idea.. But it's in a fucking test tube, how awesome is that? And the gummy inside appears to be either a random body-part ( Finger? Penis? I have no clue ) and just kind of floats there, shifting ever so slightly when the tube is moved. That's so cool. These things look positively wicked when you put some light under them, it's been my long-time dream to be able to rig some stand up for them with tiny lights underneath that would spread an eerie light throughout the tube, lighting up the gruesomely coloured candy-liquid inside and wrapping the little gummy in a thin sheet of a spectacularly spooky specter-ish glow. These things are what Halloween should be all about. Simple and cheap fun. Nothing should cost me so much I feel like I'm being raped out the ass for buying it on a Holiday because I know that even if it is novelty that if it were sold any other time of the year it'd be several dollars less and nothing should be so simple it's fun-value is neigh. Especially when you're dealing with something that has no goddamn nutritional value. I mean candy was made for fun, right? It's fucking pointless, bad for you and there's no point to eating it other than enjoyment. Otherwise you'd eat candy for your meals and.. Well.. Judging by the rate of obesity, that's probably exactly what most people do... Uhg.. That depressed me... Back on subject before I try to kill myself with the chopsticks I tried to cut my wrists with a while back.. My question is this; these are so simplistic, why can't more things like these be made? They're so fucking simple but so fucking cool that I just can't bring myself to consume them, what would I do without them? Well.. I imagine I'd survive quite well but it'd be a hollow existence without freaky candy to accompany me endlessly throughout time! Plus! I'd never get to see what I'm really wondering about these.. What precisely is going to happen to those little gummies floating inside as the years roll by? Will they balloon up into grotesque hideously deformed blobs? Because the coolness factor would only raise by motherfucking googolplexes if they did. Will they dissolve? If I eat them, I'll never know! YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME AND I SHALL NOT WEAKEN!

...Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find where I put my crossbow

Let's Learn about: Super Sentai!

So something I've always found strange is the fact that generally although almost all of you have at least in one form or another seen something Super Sentai related, you've not been aware of it. Well, I'm looking to change that. Edumacation, motherfucker. I'm gonna learn you some shit. Completely asinine shit, but what the fuck are you coming here for expecting an actual useful lesson for? Come on.

It's interesting but the first bit of 'Super Sentai' most from America and other countries get to see is actually not the first but the sixteenth in a long-running Japanese Tokusatsu series. Tokusatsu is Japanese live-action film or drama that typically deals with super heroes. Basically these guys are the Batmen and Supermen of Japan. The first bit of 'Super Sentai' you've seen? I already know what it is, you probably don't because you probably don't know that it's 'Super Sentai' ( And notice I keep using quotation. It's not actually Super Sentai, it's an altered form of it's original form suited for Western audiences. )

Anyway the first you've likely seen is this and you'll recognize it instantly as 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers', fact of the matter that's not what it is.. What it originally is was a series that ran in Japan from 1992 to 1993 known as 'Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger' ( Dinosaur Squadron Beast-Ranger ) and it's interesting to note that almost always ( If not actually always ) the Super Sentai original is vastly different and typically ( Subjectively and in my opinion ) superior to it's Westernized counter-part. Interestingly enough? What you'd of seen and did see from 'Power Rangers' is and I stress again VASTLY different from what you'd of seen from Zyuranger. Whereas Power Rangers had a bit of a goofy and cartooney edge to it and was clearly marketed towards a younger crowd, Super Sentai tends to target a larger audience ranging from children to adults. And sometimes that can be a little disturbing from a non-Japanese perspective because some of the shit in the shows you'd never associate with a show that was even remotely intended for children to be watching it at all. Violence? Got that in deuces, way different than Power Rangers because in a Super Sentai it is not at all uncommon for someone to be delivered such a devastating blow to the jaw that they spew blood all over a nearby flower like a ripe cherry tomato being fucking popped. Drama? You bet'cha! Super Sentai works hard at skull-fucking their characters! There have been many a character whom were simply dealt such a bad deck in life that you're left going 'goddamn no wonder they're buttfuck crazy'. Death? Hells yes we have death. Ever wondered why the 'Green Ranger' had to be done away with so soon in Power Rangers? That's because they ran out of original footage to use ( By the way, 'Power Rangers' uses footage cut from the original Super Sentai. Much of a show of Power Rangers you'd see is actually Super Sentai footage dubbed over. ) because the Dragon Ranger, Burai fucking died. He was killed by the main villain, Bandora. Another fun fact? Bandora was featured in the Power Rangers too, she was portrayed by actress Machiko Soga whom passed away in 2006. Yes, she was 'Rita Repulsa' in the Power Rangers.. Sadly, she is no longer with us..

In the Power Rangers, Machiko was of course dubbed over and her character was fairly seriously changed from the wicked Bandora the evil witch and trust me, she was evil. She killed one of the Rangers, you won't see that shit every day. Getting to the point, Zyuranger would continue and without going into a full history and run-down of every Super Sentai and Power Rangers there's ever been I'll say this. While Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers ran for three seasons, Zyuranger was only from 1992 to 1993, from 1993 to 1994 the Super Sentai became a new Super Sentai known as 'Gosei Sentai Dairanger' ( Five-Star Taskforce Dairanger ) and out of the Dairanger there is only one you would notice although you would notice the mecha as the 'Zords' from Power Rangers Season 2. The Dairanger were never used because they were too violent and culturally unfriendly to Westernization. Whereas previous Power Rangers had only used varied mixed Martial Arts the Dairanger used forms of my chosen style in real life ( That I regularly practice ), Chinese Kung Fu.

The Ranger you will notice of course is the Kiba Ranger or 'White Ranger', Kiba Ranger interestingly enough having been a child. His was the only suit and footage used in the Westernized version of the show, the series 2 Power Rangers.

Then there were of course the Dairanger mecha which I'm sure you'll also notice. They also had a fucking giant robot turtle of goddamn doom that was actually some fatass dork that was actually not a fatass dork but the giant robotturtletakenhumanformandhewasreleasedbyacrystalwhichmadehimturnbacktemporarilyintoagiantrobotturtleand WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING!? Breathe, damn it! Breaaathe! Okay, so they're Japanese. Shit gets weird, really weird. Dairanger? Shit gets hand-puppets with hand-guns weird where the damn puppets are trying to take the Dairanger out by shooting them. Fuckers.. You can't kill the heroes off with such mundane methods, you gotta blow 'em up, dumbasses!

Point is with this history lesson, there were Super Sentai before-hand. Before 1992 and 1993 and before Zyuranger and 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' in the U.S, first Super Sentai ever? Himutsu Sentai Goranger.

PS: POWER JAMMIES ARE GO MOTHERFUCKAAAA! Yes, the costumes are cotton. This was before spandex and trust me these weren't the worst of them.

I'm not even going to bother elaborating. I'm just going to point out; helmet wig.



That brings us from the first Super Sentai literally thirty five years later. That's right, this motherfucking series? Has been running for THIRTY GODDAMN FIVE years. The current? Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger ( Pirate Squadron Gokaiger ), we've been through thirty-five years of Japanese insanity with this shit. Some has been great, some has been horrible and some has simply been bearable. The current incarnation is leaning towards great. You know why? Bad and good, there are thirty fuck five years worth of Super Sentai crammed into one goddamn show.

CHEESEANDCRACKERS CHRISTFUCK that's an overload of Super Sentai.

Sufficed to say as we continue to follow this current series, we wait with whetted anticipation for what is next. You want my opinion? Power Rangers pales big time in comparison to Super Sentai as can be expected for something designed to be more puerile and marketed towards a younger crowd. Want to experience epic? Try 'Gosei Sentai Dairanger' ( And prepare to feel as if you're on a fucking acid trip of awesome ), or perhaps one of the best if not the best Jyuken Sentai Gekiranger or even the current Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. With thirty-five years worth of Super Sentai at your feet? You certainly won't be bored for long if you choose to delve into this series.

AND I HOPE THAT WAS FUCKING INFORMATIVE.

Onaka suiteru?

Well, are you? I've been busy lately cooking new and tweaked dishes for James, every dinner for the past two or three nights has been something new I've either never cooked before or have radically tweaked to improve upon. My actual cooking is somewhat hindered by the fact that we often don't have the highest tier ingredients or exactly and precisely what I need/would like to have because we can't afford it. I'm alright with that, raises the bar for the challenge. Honestly I'd probably be bored if there were no chance that I could create some puss-spewing, belching and hell fucked abomination that would threaten the world or at least our small back-water area.. And truthfully given the intelligence level and behaviour of some of these backassward yanks, it might be a good thing to thin the population a little with say.. SWEET POTATO HELL SURPRISE! The surprise!? ...Well, I don't know actually.. FUCK OFF, I HAD SOMETHING GOING THERE BUT IT'S HARD TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER FOR POTATOES! ...Let's see... Next to the sweet potato hell surprise you're just a small fry.. Now isn't that just mashing? You get attacked by the helltater, I'll be the commontater.. PUT THE FUCKING GUN AWAY AND STOP POINTING THAT SHIT AT ME, DAMN IT!

Anyway.. This is another cooking-related post if you can't tell, truthfully I just want to stroke my own ego and post some images of my dishes. Who knows who may chance across them and be forever mentally scarred? ...I mean.. Have their appetites whetted?

Tonight? Sake Korokke ( Salmon Croquette ), Gyokai Chahan ( Seafood fried rice ), Satsumaimomasshu ( Sweet Potato Mash ) and Anpan ( Japanese sweet roll ) which fucking exploded at the top for some dumb dipshit reason. It's like it formed it's own ass-crack and it was steadily shitting out the anko bean paste inside which made for a rather appetizing visual if you have my mind.. You probably don't but now at least you know what I was thinking, so fuckin' enjoy that!

Yesterday was Yakiniku Omurice ( An omelet filled with fried rice and Japanese barbeque ), the typical Anpan and two sides one of which included Yakisoba. Neither of the side dishes were particularly impressive I feel.. I set a high fuckin' bar for myself most of the time and meh, I don't always preform. Who does?

Then I've gotten weird in the past and made shit I can't fathom why I'd make typically for dessert. For instance, this Churro I made. What the fuck? Why a hand-made Churro? What was my motivation? Was I just feeling particularly beanerish? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW!

Then I guess I got in a Frenchy mood this night because I made a damned Blueberry Semifreddo. It's basically a small cake/bun thing topped by frozen gelatto ( Blueberry also ) and powdered sweetener.. BECAUSE FUCK YOUR SUGAR!

Here with another random dinner? This motherfucker is HARD to make. Try flipping that big goddamn thing without tearing it all to hell and back. It's Yakiniku Okonomiyaki, a common Japanese street food. Of course theirs are prettier than mine but FUCK OFF. You've never seen what I have to work with and it's DAMN impressive I don't end up with Okonomiyaki all over creation! Truthfully though this shit is fun to make. It starts like making a pancake, turns into a little pizza-ish experience and then turns pancake again because you're cooking it in a pan. FUCK OFF SENSE!

Finally we finish the gauntlet with something pretty ( Pretty and pretty goddamn random ) I guess I was just in a carnival mood this night because I decided I was gonna melt some goddamn chocolate, drizzle that shit over an apple and cover it with the most colourful shit I could find in the house which LUCKILY happened to be sprinkles and NOT the crayons in the closet. Because I WAS going to have colour on this bitch one way or another. Either it came out looking like a gay pride parade being shit on or I was going to lose it. OVER AN APPLE, YES.

Animation, why the haters?

You know, I'm as much a nostalgia nut as the next person and maybe even more-so most of the time. I've seen every episode of Gargoyles at least a minimum of fifteen to eighteen times ( I'm guessing twenty or twenty three times through is more like it. ), Batman the Animated Series set me on a path to follow the DCAU for the rest of time, I've seen all of Captain Planet multiple times, I love Lucy and I'm bewitched by Samantha, I love animation and live alike and a lot of what I love is nostalgia fodder now but something I've never understood is why nostalgia fiends seem to largely consider only things from a certain and specific era or generation as 'the best' or 'truly good'. What I hear constantly is 'they don't make edgy cartoons like this anymore', 'this would never get past the censorship radar these days' and 'the quality of shows/cartoons has fallen since -insert obligatory 90's date here typically-' and truthfully I've been guilty in the past of saying the same things.. But my mind has actually changed.. I had a moment of inane introspection, yes I FUCKING HAVE THEM. I CAN BE A DEEP THINKER TOO, GODDAMN IT; I'M NOT ONE BIG TROUGH OF FUCKING PROFANITY AND RANDOM OVERT BUBBLING FUCKRAEG!!!!!! ...Anyway.. Getting over that and considering taking some fucking downers.. I noticed that I was actually mistaken, shows like that actually are still being made. Maybe not the exact identical thing per say but the general gist, I mean to be fair what we're talking to was like ten plus years ago.. Of course there's been a little change, that's to be expected.

These days all I hear is bitching about the quality specifically of cartoons, but I wracked my brain and thought to myself. You know.. There's actually some really good recent cartoons to have come out.

Let's take for instance my pick #1 and one of my most favorite if not favorite cartoons of recent times, Danny Phantom. It was funny, it was witty ( Goddamn them for the puns, they made me want to kill your family, kill my family and then nuke the whole fucking world because the scary thing is, the puns were actually quite clever and well executed. ) and it had excellent character development as well as action.. Not to mention a fairly bad ass voice-cast to boot. There were probably some lesser actors in that whom I noticed due to, well.. The fact that I'm fucking weird and attach myself to certain actors for inane and unexplainable reasons such as Martin Mull or.. Dun dun duuuun! ....The Kurgan.. Grey DeLise too whom had a most recent ( Recent in my book ) role in Avatar the Last Airbender voicing major characters including one of my favorite, Princess Crazy-pants BRBRBRBRBRBRBRRRRBBB! ( And you have to spit all over everything to make that noise ), Azula and even David Carradine before his death ( Durh? Why did I state something so FUCKING OBVIOUS? No, zombie goddamn Carradine voiced for a fucking TV Sh..SHIT.. THAT IS A GREAT IDEA! NO ONE STEAL THAT, I'M GOING TO GO FUCKING JACK DAVID CARRADINES CORPSE RIGHT AFTER THIS POST AND REANIMATE IT SO HE CAN VOICE ACT FOR ME! )

Danny Phantom at any rate was a very good cartoon that was far too short lived for something as good as it was.. But then, they often are..

In our trip through recent years, take the extremely short-lived Dave the Barbarian. Proving you don't necessarily have to have astounding consistency or even point in most episodes to have an entertaining series on your hands. Frankly I found it extremely amusing and humourous. It was sadly cancelled after only one season due to low ratings, I guess others simply did not find it as endearing as I did. Alternatively I fucking loved Fang, crazy little monkey. ( NOT A MONKEY! )

Coming once again from Disney was American Dragon: Jake Long, it was actually very good and.. Well, it features The Kurgan as the 'big bad'; the Dark Dragon. It had plot, consistency, character development and excellent humour. As I recall however, during the time that this was being produced and aired there were also a few big-wig execs being aired as well that pulled some pretty stupid shit, going on an evident cancellation spree of programs that were actually pulling in viewers after only their first one or two seasons. This fell prey to that fiasco as well and was ultimately cancelled ahead of it's time, but not before it finished out with a half-hearted but respectable attempt at a finale.

 Coming once more from Nickelodeon was El-Tigre, following the trend of awesome animation that felt like it's life-time was far too short it was a show that was hilarious, witty and had fairly decent action considering how cartooney it actually was. Truthfully I almost didn't watch El-Tigre because it made me feel dirty, like I was a racist for watching it.. And then I remembered.. I AM A GODDAMN RACIST. A racist to Blacks, Mexicans, Latino's and even my own kind. I'm an equal opportunity racist mah niggahonkeyessay(insert random stereotype latino slang here that I do not know because of my own ignorance) two words. !Viva Pantalones!

Coming in lastly from Nickelodeon but definitely not leastly ( NOT A FUCKING WORD! ) is Wolverine and the X-Men. Wish I could say this one actually made it through the fabled second season but it fucking didn't. The bullshit between Disney and Marvel and their acquisition of Marvel actually lead to the ultimate premature cancellation of this epic cartoon right as they were on the precipice of doing the Age of Apocalypse story-line. Gee, thanks Disney. Fuck you, fuck you right in the goddamn ear.

Ha-Ha! Not dead!

So yea, I haven't made a post in the past couple of days and there's a damn good reason for that. Evidently the bible-lovers were half right and biblical bullshit weather tore right the fuck through this little area and consequently also tore right the fuck through our internet and cable. So for the past two days? We've been without. It literally just came back and I started writing this not thirty minutes after, er.. Well, typing.. Fuck it.. I've had a long day, damn it and it's only just started!

So I'd like to say I've got some great and awesome post lined up but frankly over the past two days I've been so stressed out and frustrated over the situation ( Because Charter is FUCKING INCOMPETENT but then aren't all ISP's? ) that I haven't had time to think or really prepare anything. But I do have SOMETHING at least! What do I have? Another cooking related post! DEAL WITH IT YOU FUCKS! I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE BECAUSE THE SKY WAS FLASHING LIKE A GODDAMN STROBE LIGHT! No.. Really.. It was actually flashing exactly like a strobe light when this shit started, you could see the distance lighting up rapidly and flickering but you couldn't actually see any lightning bolts. It was creepy and as mentioned 'biblical' looking. ( And I'm a Buddhist so it was pretty wicked looking for me to say that. ) leaves? twigs? branches? Yup, all over the place.. ANYWAY..

So I'm a fan of Japanese cooking, durh. I've said this before, HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? Point is, I've been really proud of the dishes I've prepared the past two nights. Frankly, I want to share them. Not that I actually think anyone cares moreso because if at least one or two people gaze upon them I gain some sort of shallow ego boost and I NEEDS ME SOME SELF ESTEEM DAMN IT!

The first dish? Orenji no suraisuchikin ( Orange Slice Chicken ) which as it's name suggests is quite literally what it is, it's a dish with a buttfuck lot of vegetables, orange slices, and chicken basted with orange-sauce. It looked considerably prettier than the picture gives it credit but I had a crappy angle and I remember not feeling too hot that day because frankly IT WAS THE DAY WE RAN THE CHANCE OF MOTHERFUCKING DYING, OKAY!? ...Also the Anpan (Sweet Roll) to the side came out rather perfectly, this was also a day I'd actually be pretty okay with dying because I had finally discovered a way to make these Anpan perfectly, forming them without the slightest flaw... And.. I just realized it's kind of sad that I'm okay with dying because the highlight of my day was figuring out how to make a damn filled sweet roll.

For dinner tonight? Japanese style curry and frankly I've always been good at making curry, I think. Not much to it. Lop the ingredients into a pot, hope you got the measurements right and didn't accidentally create the perfect mixture for mustard gas and start cooking. If you're not asphyxiating and dead within the first three minutes, you're probably fine! ...Course you could have made slow acting neuro-toxin, good luck with that! Another night of course that the Anpan had come out perfectly, I'm proud of it again. Still kind of.. Suicidal feeling over the realization that the highlight of my day... Nay.. Week.. Has been figuring out how to form a damn sweet bun..

Pardon while I go try to cut my wrists with chopsticks.

Nostalgic awesomeness

So lately at 3:00 AM Disney XD has been rather epic, they've been playing re-runs of Gargoyles. Well durh re-runs considering the series was cancelled some several years ago but still.. They've also been playing the re-runs for several years but that's beside the point. Point is, James and I have been watching them regularly before bed time. I have a few 'favorite' episodes in Gargoyles, frankly some of the episodes are just EPIC as all shit such as Vinny and 'Mr. C' but there's one episode in particular that I adore. You know, the voice-cast in Gargoyles was always truly impressive but my favorite episodes come when one of my favorite voice-actors for the series ( and of any series currently ) is cast in a position during an episode that drips of crazy. ( and I suggest you find and watch it yourself. )

The person I refer to? The Kurgan. Yes, I've spoken of The Kurgan in the past ( AKA Clancy Brown ) and anyone that knows me knows that I love The Kurgan, I love the fact that his voice seems so damned cliche because he's always cast as some cock-wad backstabbing bastard. ( For those unaware The Kurgan also voices such roles as Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants, Grune the Destroyer from ThunderCats 2011, Parallax in the Green Lantern movie, Odin in Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Savage Opress in Star Wars The Clone Wars 3D animated series, Hades in God of War, Mister Sinister in Wolverine and the X-Men, and the list goes on. For a full list see; http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000317/ ) and for those uninitiated, this is The Kurgan.

The Kurgan was a fun guy. Screamed a lot at priests and nuns and doesn't afraid of anything.

But it's not exactly The Kurgan we're talking about, no. The episode of Gargoyles in question is an episode called "Vendetta's" ( Also the Vinny and 'Mr. C' episode I had referred to so this one is doubly awesome ) and in this episode we go along on a ride with Wolf ( voiced by The Kurgan )

And Hakon the crazy Viking fuck ( Also voiced by The Kurgan )

Now I could probably stop typing right now and just post this blog entry unfinished, you'd work out why this is awesome but I'd like to explain it. You've got a crazy sounding asshole voicing two mentally unstable assholes who spend the entire episode after obsessive revenge against a single person who wasn't even truly 'guilty' of anything. Not only that but these two crazy sounding assholes take it a step further by the fact that one is an Ax Crazy Viking ( No, really. He's literally a motherfucking ax. )

And one who is a batshit wolf mutate. Both.. Voiced.. By.. The.. Same.. Awesome.. Man.. YES.

So this entire episode goes on with the two of them demeaning each other, berating each other, bickering with each other, and trying desperately to take their revenge on poor Goliath. This episode drips of utter insanity because this is a case of a voice actor insulting, bickering, and threatening himself the whole episode through and by god I love that. The entire episode? It wraps up with 'ole Vinny boy using Mr. C to deliver some good-'ole fashion vengeance of his own.

Two words for Goliath at the end of this episode. BOOM HEADSHOT! ( Or is that three? I think headshot counts as one )