At least some of them are unholy abominations, they'd all be if I had a stronger constitution but alas I lack that strength and so I've been forced to add at least a couple halfway good entries to avoid having my soul shaved by the spirit-breaking horrors that a fast-food chain can concoct. I'm only a single Big Cat, you can't expect me to brave the terrors of this terrible treacherous titan alone with only my own mind to back me, my mind would snap under the gruesome greasy grime and.. Wow.. God damn with my apparent word smith, I can't stop. The hell?
Anyway.. Let's move along..
Hungry Jacks Cookie Dough Pie:
God. Damn. You.
I just want to point out how unfair this is. This pie automatically has me in a death-grip, it'd be hard to dislike it unless it was absolutely terrible..
...It's not.. At least not in my opinion, though I will say I've heard differing opinions - From my memory this pie was delicious. Mine was nearly frozen completely, the back of the ice-box is where it came from and it's Oreo crust which normally I'd hate was complimented well by the firm and nearly ice-cream like consistency of the creme of the actual pie, bits of cookie-dough filling the creme with delicious chunks of chewy sweet cookie goodness and chocolaty-ness, and the chocolate chips themselves? They didn't contribute much but they certainly didn't hurt it. This is a good fuckin' pie. I wish I had frozen it entirely..
Bottom line? You want a comfort food? Get this.. Get this, eat it, goo-gasm your pants, and sob pathetically into the remnants of the pie, it even comes complete with what seems almost to be it's own coffin for it's remains if there even are any when you get done with it.
Hungry Jacks Funnel Cake Sticks:
What. The. Fuck?
Seriously can't think of anyone that would eat these.. Wait, no.. I can't think of anyone that should, I'm in the Southern U.S. right now though and I'm sad to say that in this country (The U.S.) and especially the South that there are plenty of people that would eat this, deep fried candy bars, Twinkies, and even butter.. Yes, I'm serious.. Fuck this country, fuck the South. I've said it once before and I'll say it again, these Southern Americans like the saying "The South shall rise again" - Bullshit. Not if you eat shite like this, you'll never rise again.
Hungry Jacks Cupcake Milkshake:
...Cause this is probably close..
This shite is incredibly high in sugars and saturated fats (baaaad) and it's no surprise, I mean.. Look at it and really think about it's name, does what it is really surprise you?
Naturally and disturbingly it's made primarily of a cake-batter ice cream mix, milk I guess (I'm not completely positive or convinced there's actually milk in this.), whipped cream, and sprinkles which top it all. There's absolutely nothing nutritional about this and in fact it's so very bad for you that I'd almost literally expect some serious damage to be done by actually imbibing this even once and I'd definitely expect that it's taste would leave you feeling quite ill - There's such a thing as too sweet. Definitely such a thing as too sweet.. It also comes with a very fat and thick straw specifically because this 'milkshake' is so incredibly and uncommonly thick that it can't be taken through a normal straw. That's disturbing to me to be perfectly honest, seriously disturbing.
Hungry Jacks Butterfinger Creme Pie:
Now right from the get go let me state this is a creme pie.. I mean duh, it's only in the fucking name but the reason I say this is because when you chill creme pies the colder they get the more like a delicious creamy, smooth, fluffy, and light ice-cream they become.. Not quite the same consistency or texture as actual ice-cream but BETTER - WAY BETTER.
The creme itself is Butterfinger flavoured and is amazing, bits of actual Butterfinger candy fill it, a hard shell-like chocolate lattice covers it, and the Butterfinger inside takes on a sort of unique consistency due to the fact that it becomes a little soggy.. You may think this is a bad thing but in my opinion it's a great thing, it gives a uniqueness to the Butterfinger and makes it reaaaally good in my opinion. All in all this is a smooth, sugary, extremely sweet, and peanut buttery experience and it is an experience; it's delicious. Next to the Strawberry Cheesecake reviewed in the earlier incarnation of this post this is the best pie that Jacks has to offer, it's definitely worth breaking a diet for. Amazing.
Yepyep! That's a pretty dish - That's some pretty fish!