Remarkable Retro Rations 5 & Eggcelently Eggxecuted Eggs

I really wish more companies would try to push the envelope, I mean I know that a lot of them do in horrible and terrible ways uniquely trade-mark to the soulless corporation that doesn't care if your blood coagulates into a horrible congealed mess of fat and high fructose corn-syrup but a lot of good stuff comes out of that evil train of thought and that flagrant disregard for human health and safety.

Some of the most impressively aberrant and disturbing products have been spawned from the mind-set corporations have of 'who gives a fuck?', I mean look at the cereals of the past.. Hell.. The cereals of current day sometimes follow this trend, it's as if someone just starts throwing random ingredients in and decides that forty LBS of high fructose corn-syrup wasn't enough to sweeten the puffed deep-fried doughnut holes and that we need a second syrup in corn-syrup as well as sugar and... Fuck it.. For good measure let's add some brown sugar, crack cocaine, and methamphetamine.. Oh a good fifty drums of speed and PCP too just in case they can still barely function.


In the spirit of such products and to prove I'm not over reacting, I'm going to introduce our first product;


Butterfinger Buzz:

It's not so retro because it was around in 2009 but it is worth mentioning and because a normal Butterfinger isn't unhealthy enough and because fuck you, we need AS MUCH CAFFEINE AS THE LEADING ENERGY DRINK, in other words GET READY YOU MORONIC UNASSUMING AND UNSUSPECTING CONSUMER, YOUR SYNAPSES ARE ABOUT TO GET A FIRM BUTT-FUCKING!!!!!

By the way, there's a fucking disclaimer on this bitch; "Not recommended for pregnant women, children, or persons sensitive to caffeine" - MOTHER FUCK!

I've had one of these and let me confirm, you eat one of these and the ensuing sugar and caffeine rush will push you straight over the goddamn edge and you'll be rocketing through the world and capable of making Sisyphus look like a sissy bitch when you rip his goddamn grandmothers left arm off, beat him with it, jack his boulder, and finally spurn the Gods by rocketing that motherfucker STRAIGHT TO THE MOOOOOOOOON!

...Shit

Thing that sucks is these weren't very good. They were kind of bitter and really didn't taste much like a normal Butterfinger or even have the same consistency or texture, they were rather unpleasant which I guess shouldn't be surprising for something that converts your ass into a rocket engine and your stomach into the receptacle for high-octane rocket propellant.


Rocky Road Candy Bar:

This one is questionable from the get-go, we're taking a candy bar and automatically we've got not just a candy bar but a candy bar with the name of an incredibly unhealthy flavour of ice-cream, I'm pretty sure right from the get-go we've abandoned any hope for any semblance of nutritional value in this product, right?

..Good, I'm glad we're all on the same page now. Blah blah blah, horrible for you, marshmallow congealed blood, high fructose corn-syrup, you won't poo right for months, and when you do it might resemble something the Easter Bunny would shit out.

....You thought those were marshmallow filled eggs? HAH!

I've only had a Rocky Road Bar once and I've only had what is largely a marshmallow candy-bar a handful of times - That being said, I can't understand why there aren't more. Marshmallow and chocolate go great together. There's the marshmallow with a gooey pull/rubberiness and it isn't too sweet but just tasty enough while the chocolate packs enough of a sweet punch to rot your goddamn teeth out your head in seconds but in a good way and then finally there's the cashews which add a very nice and pleasing crunch to the airy texture and consistency of the marshmallow and chocolate. It's quite enjoyable but at the same time very light for a snack like this.

Mackers El Maco & Shaker Fries:

The magical years of 1993 (CHILLS down my goddamn spine! MOTHERFUCK) and 1994 introduced to us the final product on this list and the best which has been saved for last, a true blue which genuinely deserves to be called a Remarkable Retro Ration; The Mackers El Maco and the Shaker Fries.

I just want to start by saying, the Mackers El Maco was something that back in the day I could eat but I could no longer consume due to allergies that cropped up for me; this was quite possibly the best burger I've ever had and it scares me to say this because this is something coming from Mackers of all places.

That I a hater of all things fast-food and a thoroughly fervent opposition of anything Mackers would say that says something about how goddamn good this burger was. And it was pure and utter indulgence, no getting around that fact.

The El Maco was a disgusting abomination that tasted so good, essentially a normal Mackers double-pounder burger but taken up to delicious heights by the inclusion of it's salsa, cheddar, and sour cream sauce which was included on the burger and the amazing Shaker Fries which came along with it and included their own shake bag and barbeque seasoning which you could shake into the bag. Oh my god, you have no idea unless you've tried it. The El Maco was delicious and unfortunately only graced us with it's amazing goodness for a short period and only in very limited locations. I had one while traveling.

If you ever get the chance to try this, diet or not; forsake everything and try it. Absolutely amazing, these goddamn burgers are like crack! 

And the commercials are so delightfully goddamn racist.

Dinner:

I suspect I may well be struck for the actual title of this blog post in relation to this meal but WHATEVER, IT WAS WORTH IT. - This is Amakute oishi tamago (Sweet and Savory Egg) and is a durh - Japanese egg dish! Choshoku; breakfast.

Interesting note and point, these photographs are the first photographs to be taken with my brand new phone which is awesome as hell and just bad ass as can be. It's a Pantech Pursuit II - A smart phone with a 2MegaPixel camera and is green which matches my jacket and usual colour coordinated outfits, my favourite colours being green and brown which is what I wear most of the time.

Anyway.. How did it turn out? Awesomely is how. Those potatoes, the small potato disks were the first foods to be cooked in a pair of new pans that our neighbor Mike gave us because I guess he's too hoity toity to use old pans or something, whatever. We love him and he's awesome for passing them down to us because if they've outlived their usefulness to him then in spite of that they've only begun their usefulness to me. My motto is to ghetto shit up and make shit last. - The Anpan is a Pumpkin Pie Anpan (Sweet Roll) and is topped by a vanilla whipped creme and the eggs.. The main part of the dish which for some reason we're addressing last this time, I don't know why..

The eggs were flawless, I actually beat them and semi-whipped them to give them a lighter and airier quality. Of course they're infused with soy, sweetened slightly, and topped by a custom Japanese Sweet and Savoury Tartar. Mushrooms, egg, and sweet peas make up the bulk of this main dish and James really enjoyed it and gulped it down almost like it was a drink; I'm very proud. I do eggs well I think.

Good night all in all I think.