Super Sugary Snacks (Pop Tarts and Chocolate!) & Beastly Biscuit

Yay! Not only did I get Cookies 'n' Creme and Confetti Cake but also check this out, yesterday I'm sitting at home.. Minding my own business.. Doing really nothing at all in particular and lo and behold what should happen? Someone knocks on my door. I'm confused at first because honestly no one ever knocks on my door and so hesitantly I answer expecting it to be someone like the maintenance man or some other such unpleasant surprise.. Lo and behold however, it's not.. It's some delivery guy and I ask him to leave the box out by my door because I'm not decent and I'm running around the house looking like some serious white trash and finally I jerk my box in and curiously march to the kitchen all the while wondering exactly what is inside this box and where it came from.

I'd forgotten again..

So out comes my trusty meat-cleaver which I used to open the box, probably complete over-kill in opening cardboard and packing tape but still.. It was the closest blade at hand.. What should I find inside my box other than another box, this box a little better than the first however.. At least this box is full of something awesome, something epic, and something amazing; Pop Tarts.

A big 12 pastry box of Limited Edition Printed Fun Pop-Tarts (Sugar Cookie flavour) - Alright! Cool! Pop-Tarts with fucking pictures on them? Hells yeah. That's awesome if you ask me, truly epic, of course they don't add anything to the Pop-Tarts themselves flavour-wise but they are pretty and of the first two I opened it was eerily coincidental that one should sport the image of a cat. The first pair of Printed Fun Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts that I, a Big Cat opens sports the image of a little Cat. Creepy.

And of course you can see from here that they're quite pretty, they're impressively done; most food stuffs with 'pictures' on them in my experience look like shite but these are actually vibrant and clear images.. And.. A cat!

Both are frozen in this photograph, I chucked the whole box in the freezer and it was decided that the small Cat would remain frozen while the little beaver mutant things were nuked in the oven to neigh molten status for the taste-test. Buck-tooth bastards had it coming trying to sled on my Pop-Tart. Time for the oven you shits.

And boy did the oven ever weird these out. Like other Pop-Tarts in the past they kind of expanded except these in particular expanded big time, look at that. The filling inside of the Pop-Tart itself became very cookie-like, I'd again suspect there was uncooked mix or dough in the Pop-Tart rather than the typical Pop-Tart filling goo if I didn't know better, I'm not sure what it is but it certainly does seem to react to the heating quite a lot. So what taste wise? Weeeell..

Taste-wise I nearly burnt my goddamn tongue off on these, I tried to molest it in a very unceremonious and inappropriate fashion by shoving my tongue into the creamy recesses of it's nooks and crannies and then promptly cursed myself questioning what the fuck I was thinking shoving my tongue into something fresh from the oven.. At any rate.. It's very good oven-warmed, the crust of the actual biscuit half of the pastry became very cookie-like and crunchy while becoming soft and moist on the filled halves, it was a very nice textural difference. Crunchy and flaky on the outside, moist and soft on the inside.. The filling itself and the Pop-Tart itself? They taste like Sugar Cookies which is to say it's hard to fuck up sugar cookies, I mean.. They taste like sugar.. Durh.. But I can't answer which is better until I've reviewed our second state Tart.. Here we go..

And the frozen state Tart is clearly and visibly different from the neigh molten Tart, wouldn't you agree? First of all you can clearly see it's thinner and less expanded and that the inside, the actual filling appears to be a completely different consistency and texture. They're chewy but not quite as chewy as either the Cookies 'n' Creme or the Confetti Cake, definitely not chewier than the Confetti Cake when frozen.. They're also kind of blunted taste-wise, it's as if the flavour was somehow lessened by the freezing process.. Very odd.. At any rate, these were much better neigh molten and taste much more strongly. I'll try another pair but I'm pretty sure my tests were conclusive, still.. There's been times in the past where I've tried something and the test was off some how, I had it frozen again later and it was totally different. We'll make certain our end ruling is justified and verified thoroughly.

-~*SECOND TRY*~-
So it's another day and I've decided to try the Printed Fun Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts again, this time I've opened a pack that sports a strange snowboarding beaver thing and a penguin in a scarf. For the purposes of identification, the neigh molten oven-heated Pop-Tart is the beaver thing and the frozen? The penguin. It seemed to fit, what do you want?

Right from the get go I've got to say I'm impressed again by the pictures, they're actually decent. They look so good I question how they were applied to the Pop-Tart, it's rather vexing.

Getting right to the nitty gritty we'll come to the neigh molten first and I'll say that while I thought the first neigh molten was really good and tasted pretty much exactly like a sugar cookie that my opinion didn't really change at all. This thing tastes like a sugar cookie. Period. Especially when heated in an oven to a neigh molten state.

The frozen is where I was surprised slightly and at the same time expectant of this. The frozen? Where as I found it underwhelming and impressive before, slightly blunted in flavour by being frozen the second time around I found it considerably more enjoyable. The flavour wasn't blunted at all, the Tart itself was just right chew-wise, and the whole Pop-Tart seemed to benefit from the freezing process ten times more than it had before. It's actually really good and quite worth having frozen as opposed to neigh molten.. Though the neigh molten is still exactly like a sugar cookie, it makes me question.. If you wanted a normal sugar cookie, why not just have a damn sugar cookie? These should be had frozen in my opinion.. Why dabble with the mundane when you can have the unique?




At any rate the second thing I found while screwing around in my freezer quite some time ago was another candy bar, not just any candy bar; high tier and 'hoity toity' shit. A Ghirardelli bar.

Dark Chocolate filled with Raspberry Goo. Okay, hurt me. This is a great idea, not just a great idea but the greatest. The only thing that would make this bar of chocolate better is if it were White Chocolate but I'm certainly not going to complain about Dark Chocolate, Dark Chocolate may not be White Chocolate or as good as it but it's damn close; it's Dark Chocolate. Dark Chocolate is pretty decadent in and of itself.

Opening this I felt like I'd received a Wonka Golden Ticket, for a second I thought I might have.

Who came up with the idea of filling these with flavoured goo because they person deserves a fucking medal. Everyone's bitching about Obama having won a Nobel Peace Prize, well.. Here's a quick fix, give the medal to the person who invented the goo-filled chocolate bar! This thing is capable of uniting the world in peace, everyone except for the lactose intolerant at least and the lactose intolerant can suck a dick. We can have special gas-chambers made especially for them that will fill with milk-gas, that's right. MILK GAS. - Why not?! We can make other things into gaseous states, why not milk!?

And these are nice because each individual bite is actually an individual bite. Each individual bite is also heaven or close to it at least, close as Dark Chocolate can come. The Dark Chocolate itself is nice, smooth, rich, and creamy with a sweet tang and a just slight bitter bite that works wonderfully with the dominant sweet and then the filling.

To be perfectly honest the filling falls a little short for me because although it's definitely raspberry and the flavour is there, it's very light and very weak.. It's a little disappointing to be perfectly straight, while the rest of the bar and the chocolate itself is rather nice with it's sweet and bitter tones balancing each other out the filling doesn't really add much or take anything away really. Thankfully I guess.. It definitely works with the chocolate, I just think it works too well and becomes slightly.. Bland.. Like it works so well you just don't notice it..

Also I'm just grumbling and probably biased because it's not White Chocolate, damn it. I'll be bent out of shape about that for eternity... Or at least until they release a White Chocolate version of this bar.

Dinner:

Amai raimu niwatori bisuketto (Sweet Lime Chicken Biscuit) is the dish I've created tonight and is a Japanese inspired take on a.. Well, Grilled Chicken Biscuit. Featuring a home-made biscuit, grilled chicken BOOOOOB!, a custom home-made Sweet and Sour Lime Sauce, and the sides of a Carrot Cake Anpan (Sweet Roll) and Carrot Cake satsumaimomasshu (Sweet Potato Mash) aside from the Anpan turning out a little weird I can't complain; I'm very proud of the biscuit itself.

Though in truth I should be. It only took me three tries of trial and error to make the damn thing right. Seriously.. I burnt through three of these fuckers before I managed to make one.. Bread is goddamn temperamental.

BONUS:
Since I know some people that I more or less consider family at least I do, I'm not sure if they consider me family I'd like to point out something rather interesting. I know I'm a bit late to the party in addressing Kim Jong Il's death but I'd like to point out and offer my condolences to the fact that evidently while Kim Jong Il is in fact dead and passed his son has succeeded him and his son? Well...

Evidently North Korea is now headed by Jinzoningen Ju Kyu-go

Wonderful