Of course some people hate Cap'n Crunch because of the claim that it cuts the roof of your mouth and throat, I've never really had that problem unless I really tried to cut my mouth with the cereal by smashing the berries and cereal pieces against the roof of my mouth and in that case, dumb asses deserve to have cut mouths..
Christmas Crunch is a little less inspired featuring the Cap'n in the cliche Santa garb and having grown a strange sort of neck-beard giant sentient mutton chop thing.. What the fuck is with that? You notice it's completely off his damn chin? Whatever again..
Christmas Crunch isn't that cool really, tastes like normal Cap'n Crunch and doesn't change the colours of your milk so that's kind of disappointing and in the end like in real life Halloween proves to be better than Christmas which is why I think many Christians feel so threatened by Halloween. Such a bad ass Holiday could easily over-shadow a lesser and less awesome one..
It does occur to me though that Christmas Crunch by the shapes of it's cereal pieces is considerably more dangerous to your mouth and person than normal Crunch or Halloween Crunch, I mean there's basically a goddamn Shuriken (Ninja Star) and a fucking Tree that looks like a damn saw. You're telling me these pieces won't shred your throat worse than the normal Crunch? Yeah, bullshit.
Cap'n Crunch Strawberry Sundae Ice Cream 'n Cake Bars:
Running from only 1966 to 1967 this was an Ice Cream and ( 'n ) Cake Bar that tasted a lot like a Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Bar which shouldn't be any surprise I mean just compare the photograph above of the marketing sign for the product to the actual marketing sign for the Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Bar..
Unfortunately no, the Cap'n Crunch Bar didn't taste much like Cap'n Crunch and really wasn't Cap'n Crunch outside of name. That's not really a surprise to me since it seems like a little bit of a theme that they go by creating Crunch products that actually aren't Crunch or have nothing to do with Crunch in itself outside of simply being named and marketed as 'Cap'n Crunch'..
Kind of under-handed if you ask me..
No real surprise why these didn't survive, huh?
Cap'n Crunch Treasures:
Cap'n Crunch Treasure Hunt Crunch which turned your milk an amazing and epic blue.
....It was not that awesome Crunch.... Oh how it was not that awesome Crunch....
Why they would call something like this 'Treasures' I don't know but Cap'n Crunch almost needs to atone for this by ritualistically disemboweling himself with a rusty spoon. This shit is nasty, in fact Nasty, Nasty with a capital N. Fucking retards tried to make a 'healthier alternative' to regular Cap'n Crunch by halving the sugar in it and you know what's funny? THEY DIDN'T HALVE ANYTHING ELSE.
Same fucking calories, same fucking fat and basically the SAME FUCKING INGREDIENTS. The only difference? This stuff is shaped weird, has a very off-putting texture and tastes HORRIBAD, I mean.. Guh.. I tried this for the first time and while I was happy to have it and didn't want to hurt James' feelings by expressing my disgust at this stuff I knew that I'd end up having to blog honestly about it and that honest blog was going to tear it a-fucking-part because it's REPUGNANT, REVOLTING and REPREHENSIBLE.
Oh also remember the Shuriken Crunch I referred to earlier?
Fucking first time I've ever felt hatred and anger towards the Cap'n in such a fashion.