I'm seriously confused.. Willy Wonka, specifically Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original movie not the new 2005 Tim Burton piece of shit was based off a book from the 1964 novel by Roald Dahl who was by the way none too happy about the movie itself and because of that refused to grant the rights to have The Great Glass Elevator made into a film.. Honestly if the poor bastard had been around to see Burton's shitfest of an attempted movie he'd have probably killed someone.. I'm rather surprised Dahl's zombie corpse didn't roll over, rise from his grave and immediately go after Burton's ass..
And this is coming from someone who normally likes Burton's work, the 1989 Tim Burton Batman film? In spite of it's short comings what with a few scenes and killing the fucking Joker I think to this day it's the superior Batman film. Batman Begins? Fuck that shit. That might be a little better if I could understand what the fuck little Mr. I gargle goddamn asphalt was saying throughout the movie but y'know.. HOWDOYUAWANHUAKILLKMEEH?!
You know what's even scarier than Burton's shitfest of an attempted Wonka film though? It's the fact that some of the cast from back in the day look seriously weird, I mean.. Take a look at them..
For the record and I hate to be insensitive but the Oompa Loompa there? Oh my god they need to cast him as a Guardian of Oa in a Green Lantern movie.
Tell me that motherfucker doesn't already look the part. All he needs is blue skin colouring and BOOM! Guardian of Oa at your service!
Once scarier is the fact that at least one of the cast has barely changed at all and in fact came to an interview looking like he was fucking getting ready to play his role again complete with a goofy red ribbon bow-tie.
The fuck, sir? Y'know fun facts.. Michael Bollner (AKA Augustus Gloop) is now a tax accountant and at the time of playing his part was I believe around 13 years old and could not actually speak English, he had to have his lines coached to him. The hell, man? Not to mention the shit they put him through, y'know the Chocolate River this fatty fell into? Two feet deep and 150,000 gallons of water mixed with Cocoa Powder which quickly turned rancid permeating the stage with the foulness of rot... And he got to swim in it! ...Yum..
But back onto the subject.. The whole point of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was Chocolate, right? It's a fucking movie about a crazy guy who maims children, gets off with zero liability and goes about his merry murderous ways. God knows what happens to run-away kids in that town when they get too close to the Chocolate Factory, all I can say is Wonka Chocolate should have probably had the slogan of being 'kidlicious'.. But being that Chocolate is the whole point of the movie you'd think the product line that followed in the real world would revolve around.. Oh, I don't know... MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE?!
Except no.. Imagine my surprise when recently I discovered on the Wonka website that they're advertising this fact;
The Wonka company is going to stop making Wonka Chocolate?! BUT THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT! THAT'S YOUR THING, THAT'S YOUR SHTICK, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO YOU'RE A FUCKING CHOCOLATE FACTORY! RUUGHHAAAHHHGHHH!
Yes, Wonka is turning the switch 'off' on the Wonka Chocolates to work on something fucking else, who knows what? This shit actually pisses me off. It threw me for a loop when they discontinued their flagship and what was basically their 'mascot', the Wonka Bar but to all-together stop making Chocolate? What the dick guys?
...At least I entered and maybe I'll win one of those 100 Cases of Wonka Chocolates because I'd be quite sad never to see another Wonka Chocolate again..
...How isn't this self destructive to their company?
♫♪'Cause the Candyman can murder you and make your bones taste goooood.♫♪
All in all it came out great and James really seemed to enjoy it.