Millville Fail & Review

I really hate to do this, I reaaally hate to do this because I really liked Millville as a brand.

Millville was a generic brand store cereal offered by the chain store ALDI and I've written about them a ton in the past and always enjoyed and praised their delightfully retarded and confusing mascots that they slap on the boxes. Retarded turtles, Jellyfish associated with Fruit and Chocolate flavoured rice cereal and other such confusing concepts which only made me think the cereal was even more awesome. Their entry into Frosted Flakes? Equally awesome.

The bastard spawn of a shark and goldfish clearly suffering some serious fucking downs because if that's not a derp paulsey face I don't know what is but it's almost like Nemo banged a shark and this was the end result. The cereal? It's Frosted Flakes, there's not much more to say.. Were I writing a happy review I'd note the cereal receives 5.0/10 Big Cat Paws, nothing new and nothing special but nothing bad, just average and 'meh'.. This is not a happy review however, this is an article asking Millville, WHY? WHHHY?!

Look at what these fuckers have done! LOOK!

They've gone and redesigned their boxes, the mother fuckers! They've gone and redesigned them to feature 100% more SUCK and fucking FAIL, there's not even the slightest hint of a multi-coloured retard Jellyfish with googly eyes to be found, why?! Now they're just bland boxes that display the cereal with well.. Completely uninspired 'blehness', these completely and utterly suck. The cereals still the same of course but the boxes and marketing? ...Way to suck Millville, way to seriously suck..

Not only have you yourself delved into suck but by sucking you've managed to suck all the fun and enjoyment out of these cereals.

Bring back the retard mascots, damn you! Bring them back because I loved them so!

Honey Nut Crispy Oats:

Now we get to the actual review of the article and this review I do begrudgingly because I know if this was the old Millville box I'd probably be greeted by a happy super-retard Bee with some crazed half psychotic look on it's face that I was sure would murder me in my sleep but instead I'm met with this.. This plain ass box which doesn't excite me, doesn't whet my appetite and makes me feel like.. Eh.. This looks like old people cereal... But even so I won't let these biases cloud my review.. I'll just let them shorten it.

I tried it, it's James' cereal but I had a few bites. Let me start by saying and this isn't motivated by anything other than honesty, this cereal suuuuucks. It's a Honey Nut Oat Cheerio's knock off and a bad one at that. The initial taste of this cereal was bland, barely any Honey or Nut and a lot of yeck Oat which just tastes like Oat, it's uninspired and gross but it goes one further.. Not only does this not taste really of Honey or Nut but what little of those two flavours do actually exist in this cereal only serve to leave a terrible after taste in your mouth after you've eaten a piece and their sweetness quickly vanishes into some grossness that I had to wash my mouth out to get rid of..

Honestly I'm not sure if James will like these more than I did but I found them repugnant.

1.0/10 Big Cat Paws, FUCKING AVOID. I mean Red Alert avoid.

Dinner:

Tonight's dinner is a new one that came out rather well, Aozakana Baga (Blue Fish Burger) which is not only a Beef Patty but a Beef Patty with Aozakana (lit. Blue Fish; aka Sardines) minced in with the meat and grilled with a delicious coating of Salt and Pepper, a special Sweet and Sour Cat Sauce (home-made) and a nice slice of melty Cheese right over it all, the side Anpan? A White Chocolate Anpan (Sweet Roll)

James quite enjoyed this but said it was difficult to eat. Unfortunately the sauce kind of made the bread a liiiittle prone to falling apart and being slightly messy.