MOVIE REVIEW: (Rifftrax) Clash of the Titans (2010)

So I've seen the original of this movie, the original wasn't bad. It's essentially the story of Perseus and his battles with Medusa and the Kraken to save the Princess Andromeda. It's a simple movie made after a simple myth that isn't rocket science to translate well on screen because really all you have to do is act out the myth..

So you'd think in today's world with technology as it is, computer graphics being advanced as they are and cinema being so realistic that it wouldn't be difficult for a remake of this movie to easily exceed the original from 1981, right?

...WRONG.. And fuck you for thinking that if you did you're a shallow fuck who needs a reality check, remakes are never as good as their originals, there are only super rare examples that are exceptions to this rule.. I mean look at House on Haunted Hill where the original is awesome but the remake? Absolute and utter shite..

I really wanted to like this movie and wanted to watch it because a friend of ours actually claimed that it stood fairly well to the original, I'd just like to say with all due respect to him; bull fucking horse shit.. You know what in fact? Bull fucking Winged Pegasus shit. The first problem with this movie? The 'hero', replace the plucky and respectable Perseus with a modern day actor who while Australian I cannot rightfully support because explain to me when and where exactly were Australians so goddamn prominent in Ancient Greece? ...Really? And it's really bad because this guy evidently can't act to save his fucking life, he tries his hardest to lose his Australian accent and act it away with a more American accent but he fails miserably and constantly slips back into the Oz accent.. It's not even that which is the worst of it, you replace Perseus' otherwise respectable demeanor and well.. Here, I have a picture that sums it up so I don't have to indulge this throbbing vein in my forehead;

....Yea that about sums up my complaints about their changes to Perseus. Thanks for making an otherwise respectable character I actually wanted to root for into an obnoxious emo fag I wanted to fucking die as I watched those around him unfairly die instead.. Whiny little Anakin Skywalker wanna be fucker.

That's not my only complaint either, y'know the Fates? The Three Sisters with the weird eye thing? Yeah, they're not really that hard to do.. The Three Witches or 'Fates' aren't difficult to portray.. Get some old women, give them an eye ball and blindfold them or remove their eyes with makeup and let them listen to elevator music for about four hours to drive them utterly batshit.

Except this movie does fuck them up, it fucks them up baaad. You wanna know how? Well just take a look.

Yeah, that's one of them.

And that's all of them...

...I didn't know the Three Witches were related to the guy from Pans Labyrinth.

Perhaps I missed that part of the myth.. Whatever..

This movie is one huge motherfucking CGI fest and that's well and good but the huge CGI fest isn't even done well. Sure the movie looks nice and all but nice looks and graphics aren't everything, especially not when you butcher the goddamn characters and story.

Once worse even is the fact that the same fella that plays Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter series, Ralph Fiennes also plays Hades in this one and as quoted by the Riffers, "Lord Voldemort, now with 100% more nose!", it's true. This guys act is the fucking same, I mean right down to the mannerisms, movement and voice he's identical to his Voldemort character which makes me kind of feel he's a one trick pony when it comes to acting.

The movie itself? It gets 2.4/10 Big Cat Paws, pretty to look at but if you're looking for actual story, likable characters and all? Fucking go somewhere else, this is a CGI fest and nothing more. The Rifftrax version? 4.5/10 Big Cat Paws, they had their moments when they'd hit on a good joke and I'd honestly laugh but through most of this movie I was just waiting for it to end and wondering why in fucks name everyone feels the need to remake fucking everything.

Dinner:

Left overs for tonight but don't underestimate them, that doesn't mean they weren't delicious and didn't come out beautifully. Another dish of Orenji Niwatori Itame (Orange Chicken Stir-fry) which consists of Mushrooms, Sweet Peas, Noodles and of course Chicken all stir-fried together in a delicious Orange Sauce (home-made) which came also with a Sweet and Salty Caramel Anpan (Sweet Roll)

Yum! James gobbled it up quite aggressively.