MOVIE REVIEW: (Rifftrax) Karate Kid Part III

We all know the Karate Kid, even if you hate it you've seen it.. The original I mean, not the new piece of shit with Jackie Chan.. I say piece of shit, I've never actually seen it but Pat Morita is the only person that can play Mr. Miyagi and since Pat Morita is now dead, may he rest in peace, Mr. Miyagi is like-wise dead not to mention the fact that the new one calls itself 'Karate Kid' and features Martial Arts that are actually Kung Fu, not Karate which is nice because there's already confusion among most Americans and Westerners as to what Martial Arts is what that's rather annoying so it's nice that they're aiming to confuse them even goddamn more.. There will never be another Karate Kid, period. There are just certain roles that absolutely require certain actors and Mr. Miyagi or any role even resembling Mr. Miyagi (As Chan didn't play Mr. Miyagi, his 'Karate Kid' was only Karate Kid in name) requires Pat Morita. I would no sooner approve of a 3 Ninja's movie starring anyone other than Victor Wong (R.I.P as well) as Mori Shintaro.

We all also know the story, Mr. Miyagi is a little Oriental bad ass on wheels in fact Mr. Miyagi is one of the iconic bad asses of recent times and the other guy is your a-typical douchebag out to prove something to the world while failing miserably and making a total ass of himself with surprising frequency. Funny how many people like him I've met in real life, especially in the real-world Martial Arts Community.

The first two Karate Kid movies were pretty linear, their stories were nothing special but then again we didn't really want anything particularly special, we just wanted the Karate Kid. The Karate Kid was a good movie and Part II was good as well but doing the same thing three times? That's a little much, that's definitely pushing it and honestly 'three' is usual the number of doom for franchises. This was really no exception but at the very least as even the Riffers mentioned it wasn't 'The Next Karate Kid', the one with the girl.

Yeah yeah, I know.. I'm female, I'm supposed to root for my fellow women but fucking hell, no. I've never looked to Karate Kid for any sort of accuracy in, well.. Anything.. Martial Arts or otherwise but shit.. The Next Karate Kid turned around and blatantly intermingled Japanese, Chinese and a few other cultures together as if they were one by including what were basically Shaolin Monks.. Oh they called them 'Buddhist Monks', but they were essentially Shaolin and Shaolin is Chinese, not Japanese.. This one just made me groan in agony but.. Back to Part III..

It's as mentioned more of the same with the exception of the entire goddamn plot revolving around a fucking Bonsai Tree. Yes, a goddamn Bonsai Tree.. What.. The.. Fuck?

The Riffers comment on this too and for the most part they're hilarious including one part which had both James and I in such stitches we could barely laugh in a scene where Ralph's character is chattering on incessantly they comment on this, get panic striken and start going on about how they 'can'tstoptalkingeversincetheydidthatlineofcocaineandohgodIcan'tfeelmyteeth' - Yeah, that was funny. Fucking super funny.

The movie itself? Part III? It gets 3.4/10 Big Cat Paws, definitely could have done without seeing it.. The Rifftrax version? 6.8/10 Big Cat Paws, they really have some fucking funny moments with this one.. And some of the puns..

Defeat.. Really you should see it coming because.. De Feet..

OH GOD DON'T HIT ME!

Dinner:

And hooooool-eeeeey shiiiiite did I ever come up with something special tonight for James' dinner. Tonight I made Aozakana Pizza (Bluefish Pizza) and this is a home-made Japanese inspired Pizza inspired by Japanese Delivery Company Pizza La and their unique and original creations..

So yeah.. Anyway.. The Pizza is made of a home-made hand-thrown dough, nothing store bought here, Japanese Red Sauce (home-made from scratch too!), Mushrooms, Nori (Toasted Seaweed), Cheese and of course Aozakana (lit. Blue Fish AKA Sardines) and came along with a side of a Double Sweetened Anpan (Sweet Roll)

Sufficed to say James really enjoyed this dinner and I can say that I was absolutely positively ecstatic with the way it came out. It looked so perfectly flawless and smelled so amazingly good.

Rock on!