NOTE: I had originally intended this review to be posted at a later date, it was written ahead of time with an article that was meant to come before it where I talked about toothpaste and such things but well.. Sometimes you come across a product that's so damn cool/awesome you just gotta roll with it so this article is getting rolled out before because I'm attached to this shit.
Seriously? ...YES! A toothpaste review! Because fuck off is why! Because I'm goddamn simple and I was talking about toothpaste a while ago because it was on my mind because I just ran out and I found an awesome toothpaste completely by accident that I wanted and shall now use shamelessly!
I've said in the past I don't give a shit what gender or age group something is marketed for, if it amuses me, I will buy it and use it without the slightest bit of embarrassment because my mental retardation may know no bounds but at least I'm not retarded enough in that sort of way the general public is to believe that because something is 'fun' or 'kid friendly' that it's automatically taboo for adults to ever consider using or having. My Beyblade Murder Dragon Top with attached death razors is AWESOME if extremely dangerous and self-hazardous to actually launch and spin.. I mean y'know.. Ankles.. Yeah..
I stood by my word when I found this toothpaste and said "Damn it all to hell I don't give a shit, I'm having this toothpaste because it looks good!" and also because I don't like using 'normal' adult toothpaste because it tastes icky like shite. Yes, that's very mature of me to say I know.. Icky like shite but it does and it is and that damn mint flavour is so over powering it always sticks with you for the next hour and a half and that's irritating, it wouldn't be so bad if it were a good flavour but as it stands Aquafresh (while pretty), Crest and all those others taste terrible and I fucking HATE mint.. I've only ever found one Crest Toothpaste marked 'Citrus Splash' I'd use and even then I was kinda iffy.. And that's what I ran out of this time so I went on http://www.walgreens.com and looked up their toothpastes.. Lo and behold what I have found!
Orajel Kids My Way! Toothpaste:
It was orange on the site but you know what? I'm not complaining. Pink is even more awesome and obviously this in particular was marketed towards girls which is nice because durh durh derp, I am a girl.
When I originally bought this toothpaste or asked for it rather from James I hadn't really read much about it other than it was 'Fruit Blast' so imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up, started reading the box and discovered the whole little yellow exclamation blast stating 'Over 100 Stickers Inside!', I was dumb-founded and awe struck. Over 100 Stickers?! FUCK YEAH OVER 100 STICKERS! JACKPOT!
OH MY GOD YES! The best toothpaste EVER! And you know what's better? I soon realized as I sleepily read over the box and looked at the bright welcoming pictures that the damn thing was not only coming with stickers for the sake of coming with stickers but came with stickers so you could customize the fucker! OH GOD YES!
So naturally after my morning work out I tore into this bastard and was over joyed to see the bright if slightly generic stickers inside and the blank white canvas of my toothpaste tube. OH GOD YES! I'm about to get artsy fartsy all up on this motherfucker I thought.. And oh how I did.. And oh what a terrifying and unstable person I become when given a few hundred stickers and a blank canvas or really anything to adhere them to because.. Yeah.. I quickly lost half an hour on this bastard just standing over it and stickering it up.
Before long my master piece was complete and I had lost over a half an hour on it. One thing.. THEY DID NOT GIVE ME CONSISTENTLY COLOURED LETTERS DAMN IT! Some of them had multiple letters in Green, Red and Purple and others had only a Purple or a Red letter or something like that. FUCK YOU GUYS! But I can deal, I'll just make it look like I meant to do that and not like I'm a completely inept moron.. Which I kind of am but WHATEVER!
Yes my tube is very busy, they gave me over 100 Stickers, what did you expect?! They're lucky the damn thing isn't covered from top to bottom! But for mine I've added relevant stickers.. A Tiger and a Cat up top with a Martial Artist next to them because I am Jade the Big Cat and I'm a Martial Artist, Stars and Hearts because they're Stars and Hearts and they were goddamn there, Cookies and Milk as well as an Ice Cream Cone because in spite of being a health-freak I fucking love sweets, some Yarn because fuck yeah Yarn, I can garrote myself by accident playing and end up choking myself out only to be found later by James whose convinced I killed myself and finally a Peace sign because EVERYTHING IS GODDAMN GROOVY RIGHT NOW DAMN IT! I GOT OVER 100 STICKERS AND FREE REIGN ON A TOOTHPASTE TUBE! ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD AND I AM SO GODDAMN ZEN.
Aaand then I went to actually brush my teeth.
IT'S PINK! IT'S PURELY PINK GODDAMN OOZE! OH MY GOD I'M TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY IN LOVE, THIS IS INSANELY AWESOME! I'VE NEVER SEEN A TOOTHPASTE THAT LOOKS MORE COOL THAN THIS SHIT!
Now then.. Breathing and trying to calm down.. What was the actual taste like? It says "Berry Blast" on the package and that is no lie, the Berry flavour in this is pretty strong and very sweet especially for a toothpaste. Awesomely? This stuff leaves absolutely no aftertaste which is almost nice if it weren't for the fact that with the way this stuff tastes I wouldn't mind an aftertaste. This stuff is delicious, it's like brushing your teeth with candy! THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ADULTS?! Why would you choose something that tastes mint shitty like Aquafresh when you could choose to brush your teeth with something that tastes like candy that serves the same damn purpose and leaves no nasty aftertaste afterwards?!
Orajel Kids My Way! Toothpaste in my opinion gets 9.9/10 Big Cat Paws, I can't think of anything that could make this better but I can't shake the feeling that there's got to be something, I'm just too damn critical and jaded not to believe it couldn't be improved upon in some way.. But this stuff is as close to perfect as any toothpaste I've ever tried in the past.
Plus.. STICKERS! OVER 100 FUCKING STICKERS FOR ME TO 'TARD MY OWN TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE UP WITH! ROCK ON!
James confirmed that this was indeed a very good dinner which is nice because it's the first time I've done something like this and I was kind of concerned.