Toys of the Past (80s and 90s era) 4

Because I won't let it die! Because I've been watching entirely too goddamn much of re-run 1980s and 1990s programming and because that's put me in a nostalgic mood for these particular era's we're back once again to Toys of the Past, 80s and 90s era part 4!

Toys of the Past, 80s and 90s era Part IV: The Final Chapter (Except probably not because like the masked zombie bastard it won't die!)

Horror movie material indeed! Back in the 90s when technology included not only phones that you could bludgeon a man to death with purely by goddamn accident but floppy disks the size of motherfucking laptops! ...Wait what? Damn you, Xanatos! I'm sure you've some roulette or gamble that would explain away this floppy being that size and make me look like a fool to boot.. Possibly placing me in a precarious or compromising position as well.. Considering you were voiced by Commander Riker I'm betting this also means I'm losing my underwear at some point.

I NEED AN ADULT!

...Or do I? I'm so confused!!

ET Finger Light:

It's reaaally something that speaks for itself but it's not what it looks like.. Honestly, it's not what it looks like.. Back in the 1980s when the ET fad had hit full stride after the movie a varying amount of merchandise was introduced including this 'toy' (toy I say with a smirk) and basically it was innocent enough.. You put your finger in it and it lit up allowing you to replicate that famous 'Ooouch' scene in ET however whoever was on their marketing team at the time seems to have.. Flubbed..

I mean.. Fuck.. I can't think how you'd make something worse, I don't need to say it and I didn't even need to hint at it.. Either this is some case of them being completely oblivious, someone really fucked up and probably lost their job or someone was just trying to be cute.. Whatever the case may be the existence of something like this released as a toy is just mind-blowing.. It's like the whole fiasco with the vibrating Harry Potter brooms back when the Harry Potter movies were first coming out. Don't remember that? I do. It was great.

It was called the "Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 Broom" and it was great because the morons actually designed something that went between your legs to vibrate and didn't see this going badly for them, I mean.. NO ONES EVER GOING TO THINK ANYTHING DIRTY OF SOMETHING THAT GOES BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND MOTHERFUCKING VIBRATES!

...Dear god if the ET Finger light vibrated as well..


Skip It:

Originally introduced in the 1980s as well the Skip-It was a toy brought to us by Tiger Electronics and was widely pretty popular throughout even the 1990s in which it was largely advertised for over Nickelodeon.

Frankly these things had good reason for being so popular, the damn things were just a ton of fun to play with and were awesome up until the point that you fucked up and clocked yourself with one or clocked someone else with one. If you clocked someone else with one then at that point it simply became unbearably hilarious and awesome. Fuck your shins and fuck the shins of any other unlucky bastard that got too close to these when you were playing with them, your ankles? Bruised to shit and back!

..Come to think of it a lot of the toys of the 1980s and 1990s seemed to be specifically designed to be dangerous as goddamn shit, was this an attempted culling of the herd so to speak or something? I mean think about it.. What about products like the Slip 'n Slide?

Because it seems like a great idea to design a child's play-thing which you place on the ground and slide across with all your might, hurling yourself into an uncontrollable speeding slide over everything that might be there. Jagged rocks, glass and all that's Holy help you if you don't stop because whatever happens to be in front of you at the time is going to become quite acquainted with you very quickly. Tree's, rose bushes, the side walk and other fun miscellaneous death-traps.

How many teeth were lost on these? How many bones broken? I mean fuck.. Come on people!

Dinner:

Sakana to Tamago Sandoitchi to Chahan (Fish and Egg Sandwich with Fried-Rice) this is a dish that came out so amazingly well that I'm just absolutely tickled pink, I cannot barely fathom how I pulled this off so perfectly. It is a Sandwich with a White Filet topping a Fried-Egg with a delicious Spicy Orange Sauce (home-made) and a Sweet and Savoury Asian Tartar Sauce (home-made) topping the Fish, a beautifully oven-toasted set of Bread, delicious Pan-Fried Rice and a Double Sweet Anpan (Sweet Roll)

Man I really blew this one out of the water and was super impressed with my work this time.