Some of the toys from the past were pretty cool but of course as I've stated it is my belief that the past was thoroughly jipped because the present and future always seems to have such cool toys that they make the toys of the past look like pieces of shit I immediately often desire to set fire to.
You know though one recent toy I actually did buy was a cool little toy called a "Beyblade" that was obviously something marketed towards boys but I thought was neat anyway, it's actually a Remote Controlled "Beyblade" and that basically means it's a Remote Controlled Spinning Top.. Which.. I have had the wise idea in the past to attach razor blades to.
Is it just me or do toys like this invite stupid actions like mine and just beg for injuries to take place because of someones curious incompetence? Frankly I think this toy was begging to be given razors and I think it goddamn tried to murder me too. I'm somehow reminded of this freaky fuck;
This is a doll that was introduced by the Worlds of Wonder Toy Company (later Hasbro, Yes! Entertainment and Backpack Toys) in 1985 and to all accounts shouldn't have been such a scary fucking toy, it was an easy concept. It's a teddy bear, it's mouth is automated and moves and you place a cassette tape into it and it 'reads' you a bed-time story basically.. Except it's fucking wrong.. And it's fucking unholy, creepy and every number and type of goddamn freaky as shit.
This thing is what Furby wanted to be, Furby was the Diet Coke of evil toys, this predecessor of Furby was the true Satan Spawn of the toy industry and had a voice like a million demons crying out in murderous bliss.. Well actually it's voice was pretty calm and somewhat soothing but that's what was creepy about it, it was too calm, it was like the voice of a mentally shattered person that just went off that short boardwalk into the deep end and had completely surrendered their sanity to the joys of psychotic happiness.
I swear I was convinced these things would destroy the world, I was genuinely freaked out by Teddy Ruxpin and still am. Put one of these in front of me at your own peril because if you do I may produce a sledgehammer from hammer space and bash this fucker into the tiniest pieces possible.
FUCK A TEDDY RUXPIN.
Ghostbusters Proton Pack:
Released in the mid 1980s by Kenner Toys, this is from the Real Ghostbusters line of toys, a Proton Pack, Ghost Trap and Nutrona Blaster all of which were sold separately but that didn't matter much because these were so cool anyone that was a fan of Ghostbusters child or adult alike had to have one or at least wanted one very very badly.
The Proton Pack was an interesting piece, the backpack an entirely hollow chunk of plastic which rested on your back while the yellow tubing running from it barely held on, a peg inserted into it to keep it in place and running to the Proton Wand which was the 'gun piece' and held a foam 'Proton Stream', when the trigger on the wand was pulled it caused mechanisms in the wand to spin, producing a loud and irritating noise that did not replicate the sound of an actual Proton Pack at goddamn all but was awesome nevertheless.
The Ghost Trap? A simple bit of yellow tubing like with the Proton Pack connected the 'foot stomper' which was another hollow plastic piece to the main body of the trap. When stomped on, the hollow plastic button mechanism 'foot stomper' would compress, sending air down the yellow tubing and the trap would then pop open! Viola!
The Nutrona Blaster? It was basically like the Proton Pack except the little green foam beam spun. It wasn't that special.. If you were cool you had/got the Proton Pack and Ghost Trap, who the fuck ever saw a 'Nutrona Blaster' in the movies after all?
Of course there were other bits and bobs that came with it but again, fuck a bits and bobs. What you wanted was the Proton Pack and Ghost Trap. They used those in the movies and those were awesome.
The only thing more fun than these were the Ghostbusters "Mini Goopers" which came with a small tube of "Ecto-plazm", a compound which was essentially and simply slime and as we all know slime coupled with anything automatically makes the kid in you want that product more, something about the grossness and ickiness of slime speaks to the inner gookiness of us all, even as a girl I was drawn to these by some unknown and indescribable force.
And of course lest we forget that Ecto-Plazm was released just on it's own as goopy goodness you could ruin.. Well.. Goddamn everything with.
I was really super pleased with this visually, all the grilling marks and toasting marks came out just so nicely that I can't complain at all. It looks spectacular in my opinion and I've been harsh on my meals in the past so you know I'm speaking the truth.