It's been a while since I did another post on Fast Food chains and their continual goddamned weirdness that they seem to feel is just so requisite to their existence. Frankly I find it extremely strange that anyone in the world eats at Fast Food chains to begin with but that's me, I'm the minority..
Fast Food from Fast Food chains is kind of like the ocean, sure there are some good things, some really good things you find from time to time that totally seem worth it.. And then there are things in the ocean that.. Well..
...Yeaaah! That about sums it up, you think you'd want to eat something like that? No.. But it would probably eat you given the chance and that's how I feel about a lot of Fast Food, I wouldn't ever eat it but I fear it may gain sentience and try to eat me. This is why it's best to avoid such things!
Sometimes the aberrant nature of Fast Food can be cool admittedly but other times it just makes me wonder.. Now we delve into Fast Food Weirdness with out first item;
Dunkin Donuts (China) Pork & Seaweed Donut:
I don't know what something like this would taste like, I don't want to know. I know that 'Pork Rolls' aren't that uncommon in China and that might be alright but somehow a donut version of a 'Pork' product seems just wrong.. Added in the unnatural love for Seaweed that Asian countries have (I must admit I share it too) and you've got a rather unusual product that most foreigners (Westerners) aren't going to understand no matter how hard they try.
I understand it, that doesn't mean I want the damn thing anywhere near me. And the fuck is that shit that's crusting off it? Because that stuff scares me shitless to be quite honest and I'm wondering how these things are made.
Get this too, LeBron James a U.S. Basketball Sports Star is also advertising as the poster boy for these donuts in China. Call me culturally ignorant but what the fuck? Why is a U.S. Basketball Star promoting Pork and Seaweed Donuts and how are these bastards made? Do they actually have a cream filling? Because if they do I think I'm going to barf.. 'Course this is just appetizer to the super aberration that is our next product;
Taco Bell Blackjack Taco:
A crunchy Black Taco Shell filled with Sand Seasoned Beef, Zesty Pepper Jack Sauce, Shredded Lettuce and a blend of Three Cheeses!
..To their credit and to be fair I'm a tad too harsh on Taco Bell but it's all in jest, I can't eat most of the stuff they sell due to allergies and what little of it I can eat doesn't really bother me that badly, I mean.. Sure there were studies that proved that they utilized what essentially was basically common beach sand as filler in their Meat but still.. I can deal with that.. I mean I'm sure I eat weirder and 'grosser' things on a daily basis, red candies? They're typically dyed red by crushed up bugs and shit so.. Yeah.. Oregano, Basil and many other Spices such as Cinnamon? Crushed bugs can legally be in them as well as rats hair and feces so I'm not particularly bothered by the idea of eating a little sand as a possibility.
No with this it's more the fact that the Taco's goddamned shell is black and nothing good can come of finding out how they managed that, it surprisingly doesn't taste any different from a normal Taco shell which further leads me to be distrustful of it. At least if something is this sort of strange abnormal colour and tastes weird I know why, with this.. If it tastes normal and looks so strange? Oh no.. Fuck you, there's something seriously wrong about this food-stuff, something you don't want us to know.. Like Soylent Green is people..
....I find it disturbing to consider I genuinely wouldn't have a problem eating the Crackerfied remnants of the corpses of the dead were food supply really so lacking.. I mean honestly, what's so bad about that? You eat dead animals all the time, you eat the corpses of killed beasts like it's nothing.. Humans are just a form of a-aaaand I'm probably scaring my readers so I'm just going to submit the following disclaimer; I am a devout pacifist and I am no true danger to anyone other than myself unless provoked big time. I won't eat you unless you taste reaaally good so don't worry.
This little food-stuff was introduced in 2009 of October if I remember correctly and well.. It's no longer around but can you deny how weird it is to see something black from a Fast Food joint? I've written about a Darth Vader burger in the past but still.. Fuck me that's strange looking..
And tonight's dinner for James was Amazuppai Niwatori Itame (Sweet and Sour Chicken Stirfry) and is a dish of Fried Rice, Mushrooms, Chicken and a home-made Sweet Stirfry Sauce coming complete with a delicious Chocolate Anpan (Sweet Roll)
James did indeed enjoy this and I am indeed proud of how it came out. Rock the fuck on!