RETRO REVIEW: Nickelodeon Arcade

A show that aired from 1991 to.. Uhg.. Cold shiver.. 1993.. This was one of Nickelodeon's many game-shows of the 1980s to 1990s that were so popular and so awesome.

Those of you that remember Nick Arcade will no doubt recall that among everything else, Nick Arcade was very colourful, time only having just slipped past the 1980s the fashion of the 80s which was oh so fucking colourful was still in swing and was still quite prominent.. Just check some of the shit the host wears..

The host was Phil Moore, no not the kid from Disney's Fillmore! and not the visor dude Geordie LaForge of Star Trek: The Next Generation who was played by LeVar Burton though the two of them do look surprisingly alike and the joke was used numerous times in the series including one episode where Phil actually came out with a visor on like Geordie.

Nickelodeon Arcade was a standard thirty minute show, twenty something without the commercials that followed a standard formula, two rounds consisting of a 'Face Off Challenge' which would defer control of a little sprite known as 'Mikey' who was moved across a video field filled with the three P's, points, prizes and pop-quizzes and also enemies.. Typically a bully, ghost or something remotely or vaguely relevant to the place that Mikey was sent to or wandered to.. Evidently Mikey was at a disposition for retardation because he traveled to some serious fucking stupid places that made you question 'What the fuck, Mikey? Why would you go to a place called CREEPYVILLE?!' or what possible reason do you have to randomly wander into space you damn fool?!

After the Face Off Challenge the kids would then face what were basically Trivia Rounds culminating ultimately in time almost always running out and the Host ultimately using his insane-o powers to warp Mikey to the GOAL, the kids very rarely maybe once or twice actually managed to get Mikey to the GOAL themselves.. Oh and the Host? I'm fairly certain Phil had insane-o powers because he straight lined a concentrated version of the 'energy drink' of choice during the last half of the 90s perhaps that he obtained before it's official release since it was introduced in 1997, Surge. That or the motherfucker was just batshit because this guy is constantly dancing and singing with the show and moving around like he was jittering to the point of border line killing the contestants. I wouldn't have been surprised if he just randomly lost it and started beating one of the kids to death with that dry erase board thing they used.

After the two rounds the winning team would then advance to the 'Video Zone', a strange 'living' video game where the contestants actually became a part of the game. The Video Zone was defended by one of three of the 'Video Game Wizards', the villains of the show; Merlock, an evil wizard who shot lightning balls; Scorchia, a fireball-throwing sorceress; and Mongo, a spiked armor-wearing troll who tossed balls of energy.

Basically behind the 'magic' the kids were sent into a blue screen sound stage with a monitor where predetermined goals were set and explained to them, they were able to see themselves in the video game by watching the monitor and were damaged by hazards and enemies in the game.. In other words you tried to dodge shit coming at you in the monitor which resulted in some seriously uncoordinated looking bumbling on part of the kids because frankly trying to dodge something you can only see on a monitor? Fuck me, yeah.. I can see how that would confuse your motor skills.

Truthfully though some of the kids in this show seriously made me question where they found them, they're some real bottom of the barrel sort of material for their evident 'intelligence' or complete lack thereof.

April Fools? Are you for fucking real?! Someone beat this kid to death! What the hell?!

But seriously.. Although terrible in some ways Nickelodeon Arcade was still somehow bad ass in it's lameness, sadly it was cancelled in 1993 (spine shiver! WUUGH!), I wish it weren't.. Nick Arcade by my opinion was awesome.

8.5/10 Big Cat Paws

Dinner:

Tonight's dinner for James was Hanbagusuteki (Hamburger Steak) and is basically a Steak made of Ground Beef topped by a Mushroom with a Creamy Blackberry and Raspberry Sweet Wine Sauce resting on a bed of Steamed Rice with a Chocolate Crispy Anpan (Sweet Roll)

James did indeed verify he really enjoyed this dish, I can say I'm very happy with how it turned out.