Retro Tie-In Cereals 3

NOTE: We're using the term 'retro' rather broadly for this article.

I've been in another one of those 'retro' moods lately, I don't know sometimes I just get in the mood to write about older shit I remember fondly or not so fondly as the case may be and I've just gotta roll with it, can't argue with the noodle, the noodle is pretty all-mighty at least in respects to my blog..

Anywhere else like during Martial Arts training and my noodle takes backseat to my body kicking it's own ass in spite of my noodles protests. Hah! Fuck you, noodle!

....Yeah I can be a little self destructive.. Probably explains why I've tried so many things in my life, because I don't really give a shite whether they're bad or not or whether logic dictates to stay the hell away from them, I can't. I've got to subject myself to the gamble..

You know though, some tie-in cereals really take the pansy way out. I've got to say the number of tie-in cereals I've seen with predictable designs really are overwhelming but then again I suppose it's better to have a predictable cereal that does something right and different at least than something like.. The 1989 Batman Movie Tie-In cereal I've posted about in a past article which was basically Cap'n Crunch without the Crunch Berries and nothing more.. No shapes, no marshmallows and no nothing.. Just puffed cereal.. Fucking lame..

This brings us to our first product, surprise surprise.. Another tie-in from the cereal tie-in King, Ralston;

Spiderman TAS Cereal (1995):

Yes, folks! Another from Ralston which as mentioned was introduced in 1995 and was introduced with the Animated Series which aired on Fox Kids. You remember it, back when the X-Men had their own Animated Series too? It was pretty badly animated, horribly voice acted and featured an attempted blending of a sort of 3D New York for Spider-Man to sling in but didn't really work because it was so horribly crappy that.. Just.. Yeah..

I'm not saying the series itself was bad, back in the 90s this along with the X-Men Animated Series in spite of the lack of animation quality was still pretty good and this was what everyone watched boys and girls alike even if other women won't admit it like I will.. This cereal was of course fairly popular and why not? As unoriginal and predictable as it was it was pretty damn good.

The cereal itself was basically Sweetened Rice Chex because let's face it, we need the shit so full of sugar that anyone who eats it is wired for the next goddamn week shaped like.. Well.. Chex.. Except they claimed they were shaped like 'webbing', yeah.. Bullshit.. You took the traditional and normal Chex shape and then said 'Oh look it vaguely resembles webbing, let's claim we meant to do that', fucking dirty liars.. Of course it had Marshmallows too.. Spider Symbols, The Evil Kingpin, Hobgoblin's Pumpkin Bomb and Peter Parkers Camera because nothing says excitement like a free-lance photographers camera! Hooooly shiiiite!

Super sweetened, spidery and marketed towards kids. You better damn well believe the parents knew the meaning of kids 'climbing up the walls' after they ate this shit and unfortunately not in the Spider-Man sense.

Star Wars Prequel Cereals:

Now we're really stretching the term 'retro' because although these have since passed, these are in no way particularly old offerings to the tie-in cereal world.. But you know back when Star Wars EP I and EP II released that there were of course Movie Tie-In Cereals which were released and naturally, with anything this big name there's going to be marketing of all sorts. Remember the Jar Jar tongue-pop I posted in the past? ....Yeaaah..

During the release and run of EP II, The Clone Wars, the cereals were in full-swing and frankly they were pretty good.. Lucky Charms knock off given but still, not bad, not bad.. Sweetened Corn Puffs with Marshmallows in the shape of Clone Troopers, Lightsabers, Yoda, R2-D2 and Space Ships... Of course naturally few of these things actually looked like their intended and claimed shapes but still.. It was Star Wars and it was cereal, who was really going to argue that the Lightsaber looked like a damn Ice Cream Cone?

I was, that's who! ....But then I was a bitter and violent woman back then.. I'd like to think I've gotten better since then.. I'm lying of course but still!

It didn't really start irritating me until the release and run of EP III when it became apparent that they had saved all their unsold boxes, made new EP III boxes and filled those boxes with the unsold and unused cereal with the exception of slightly recolouring a few of the marshmallows.

....Really? Back in the day big bad LucasArts with it's oodles and oodles of money couldn't take time out of raping the character of Darth Vader and retconning him into a whiny emo kid to actually make a more unique or impressive cereal? The fuck guys?

...Well at least I didn't have to french fucking Jar Jar I guess..

Wuugh.. Shivers..

Dinner:

And the dinner for tonight for James was pretty damn awesome again if I do say so myself, Shiromisakana Sandoitchi (White Fish Sandwich) which is a nice White Fish Fillet cooked in Coconut Rum with a delicious Asian Tartar Sauce (home-made) and a nice half-toasted Bread sandwiching it, it came with an Anpan (Sweet Roll), a rather simple and unrefined version, a Chocula Anpan! IE - An Anpan filled with Anko which was also mixed with remnants and marshmallows of Count Chocula cereal.

Behold my culinary genius motherfuckers! Hah!