NOTE: We're using the term 'retro' rather broadly for this article.
Okay.. You know in the past there have been some products that released which reaaally made me double-take and go "What the fuck?!" then curse the manufacturer because I had to quickly clean my drink from the monitor or television before it ruined it and honestly forcing me into spit-takes with bullshit like this is a bit cruel... That or they shock me into swallowing so hard and suddenly that it either comes out my nose, gets stuck in my nasal cavity or simply goes down the wrong tube and I nearly die from momentarily asphyxiation.
Bastards trying to kill or ruin me..
It's not just the U.S though, it's been other countries too but what we're going to touch on in this article are U.S specific examples of confusing product releases.. Some that just made me flat out uncomfortable, some confused me and others did a little bit of both.. This is Retro Tie-In Cereals 6, The Confusing Edition!
Aaaand for our first product on the list? You knew him (maybe?) you loved him (probably not!) you might of feared him (but that is a little cliche), it's Bozo the Clown!
Bozo The Clown Cereals:
Yes, strangely enough Bozo The Clown got his own cereals. Strangely enough for those who can actually remember and know of Bozo these days he was a very popular Clown Character in the United States during the 1960s and even had his own show on television for quite a while. This guy was It before It was It.
The funniest man in the whole human race is gonna put a smile on your face.. Somehow I see this guy putting the Joker to shame saying that while brandishing a switch-blade or something, I dunno.. Maybe there's something to the whole cliche of 'fearing clowns' that everyone seems to like getting behind..
At any rate Bozo was a big name at the time and he got his own cereals, three of them I know of but the third doesn't have any photographs so it's kind of hard to post anything for anyone to see, it was a Honey Nut affair.. What we do see above is Bozo Frosted Flakes, of course a Frosted Flakes variety of cereal which is as predictable as it is bland and.. Well.. Bozo Little O's which was equally as predictable as it was bland.. Ready sweetened and Fruit Flavoured cereal.. Meh, seen it.. It's kind of strange that Bozo being marketed largely towards kids during these days didn't offer more.. Kid friendly cereals, y'know? Something covered in sugar frosting or something rather than something so underwhelming normal?
I dunno I'd expected a cereal version of like frosted Animal Crackers or something from Bozo, that feels like it'd fit more. Something so sugary too that the moment it hit your teeth they'd instantly disintegrate from some aberrant strain of hyper clown cavities or something, y'know?
Although the most vivid memory I have in relation to any Bozo related product was one of those stupid ass punching dolls that wouldn't ever fall over, I goddamn hate those things and the last one I came across as a true story I actually kept down by punching it so hard I split the seaming on it and deflated the bastard! So bullshit says I, can't keep it down? You can't keep it down because you're not utilizing enough violence against it!
Bozo is still not the worst product that I can think of to go on this list.. Oh no, that honour goes to our final product..
Okay.. Normally I despise jokes like these because they're predictable and over-used but.. A Taste Of Honey Cereal, really? For something that already has such suggested over-tones to the point that even I think it does and I'm usually the one to defend such things from the usual predictable gay-jokes you're going to name a Xena cereal 'A Taste Of Honey'?
...God... Damn it..
Much as I loved Xena: Warrior Princess for obvious reasons and if you can't guess, I'm a female? I'm a Martial Artist? Yeah.. I enjoyed a show with a tough female hero, this show I really liked I still can't deny though the times when something just kind of made me shake my head and someone would make some dumb predictable pig-headed lesbian joke and I'd just have to kind of pause and go "Actually.. Yeah.. I've got to kind of agree with you.. This show makes me really uncomfortable sometimes..", take that into account and then they turn around and release a cereal named "A Taste Of Honey"?
COME ON PEOPLE, WHAT THE FUCK?!
This cereal was released in 2001 and basically only available in Comic and Specialty Shops, it never was released in Grocery Stores in spite of being a food-stuff but was still.. I've no real clue how this tasted and for all I know it might have been delicious, I never got to try a box I simply saw them.. I don't know however that even given the chance I could motivate myself to actually eat something marketed under the Xena name as "A Taste Of Honey" though.. As innocent as the name is probably meant to be it just makes me very uncomfortable..
Nice.. Your marketing department made even someone like me usually immune to homophobia feel 'weird', great job.. Great job.. golf clap..
I was really happy with how this came out, those Mushrooms are so shiny and beautifully glazed that I just adore this dish. Yum!