...I AM YOUR BITCH!
...Oh yes, I recently learned something that blew me away.. The snack from the 1960s, the magical Screaming Yellow Zonkers! from Lincoln Snacks who were acquired by ConAgra in 2007 were revived in full zombie-like fashion! AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! Humble pie? Gladly.
So I'm insanely looking forward to this, I mean. This is unbelievable, this is inconceivable and this is outright something I never thought would happen.. I mean do you know how utterly and cosmically rare it is for something that's been discontinued like this to be brought back? It's like.. Well it just doesn't fucking happen like ever! This is amazing.
The box I received was box 3 of 4, I'm sure that means there are other interesting arts on other boxes that say different things, checking my earlier post on the Zonkers! will reveal that they were well known for their surrealistic box art and Monty Python-esque 'toon characters which seemed to want me to assassinate Lincoln, burn my neighbors down or do something else violent and otherwise abhorrent.
Did I miss you? Oh god yes I missed you, I missed you SO BAD.
The first thing I noticed when taking these out? Oh man do they ever look retro and I love that, the colourful text on the box, the black box and the talking popcorns? YES, YES, YES!!! OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!!! PLEASE NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!
It makes me incredibly happy I'll say this to see that ConAgra has not done away with the Zonkers'! black boxing because the black boxing was one of the things that made them so unique, I mean.. Genuinely and honestly think, how many products or things have you seen in the world that have been boxed in something black? That's awesome. These Zonkers! are totally fucking metal and hardcore.. And of course the box is also covered in it's unique sayings, stories and text that makes the boxes stand-out so well among otherwise boring and 'hum-drum' snacks.
I love the story of their return and frankly 'Open here, but don't get mouthy with me!'? - Sorry, you're about to got mouthy wi... Uh.. Got mouthy o... Get... Er.... FUCK IT I'M GONNA GET MOUTHY ON YOU, DAMN IT!
Packaged in a pretty silver bag, I loved it. I could smell these even inside the damn bag as soon as I opened the box, my mouth was salivating and as I opened them and spilled the first beautifully glazed Zonkers! onto the back-drop of my board I couldn't help but feel like this wasn't real, I was expecting to wake up from this wonderful dream at any moment and curse the waking realm because I wanted the Zonkers! so badly.. Oh man are they ever pretty too, they are.. They look like I remember them and they smell amazing, so buttery and so sweet smelling and oh dear god I couldn't wait.
So we're going to do this proper. You shall get the opinion in this review of A Big Cat and The Mighty Moo, first off is me because I run the damn blog, consarnit! (Yeah, I said consarnit. What?)
A Big Cat: Oh man they were glazed perfectly, covered and I mean covered in the glazing like I remember, hard but not unpleasant when I first bit into them they crunched nicely and began to break up. I literally shivered, the buttery sweetness of the glaze isn't quite as sweet as I recall but that's not bad, that's actually good because the original Zonkers! were a little over-kill on the sweetness, these aren't. The sweet, the salty and the buttery of the chew is perfect, amazingly caramelized and as you chew these they break and slowly are masticated into a creamy, sweet and just orgasmic buttery deliciousness.. My god... These things... They're just... I think I almost started crying..
After an emotional first taste I tasted again, yeah. It was still there and I want now to build a shrine to ConAgra and worship them. Screaming Yellow Zonkers! are receiving a score of 9.8/10 Big Cat Paws from me. Oh man, they're better than I remember. These are definitely going to be snacks I stick on, I can only hope that others remember them as I do and that they do well in stores.
The Mighty Moo: Upon trying these James' response was 'not bad, not bad at all, I like it', when prodded to elaborate further he said 'kind of buttery, um.. I liked it.. Hhh.. It was just buttery caramel pop corn, I liked it. I'll eat it again but that's it, that's all I can come up with', clearly there's a reason this blog is the Mind Of A Big Cat but we'll forgive The Mighty Moo for his somewhat lacking review, he's not all that good at this sort of stuff.
All in all I'd say personally that these are seriously amazing, if you've never had Screaming Yellow Zonkers! this is a chance for you to taste history once again, you never know when they may be gone and honestly these are some of the best snack foods I think I've ever had period and if you have had Screaming Yellow Zonkers! in the past then that's every perfect reason to go out and have them again!
I was provided the following information by ConAgra which I present to you on the Zonkers! and their availability;
- When: This spring (exact date varies based on individual Walgreens stores)
- Where: Walgreens stores nationally
- How Much: $1.00 for a 3 oz. box
James' dinner for the night was a savoury and wonderful Gyuniku Ramen (Beef Ramen) with Herbs, Spices, Noodles of course, Potatoes, Mushrooms, Sweet Peas and naturally Beef, it came accompanied by a Caramel Praline Anpan (Sweet Roll) and James seemed to quite enjoy it. Pretty nice, pretty nice.