So I'll admit, I've been kind of rough on 'ole Willy Wonka in the past. The fact that the Wonka Factory recently shut down their production of their usual Chocolate fare, sorry but I just find it difficult to believe that Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory won't be making Chocolate anymore.. But then I thought.. Is this actually the case? And... What if I've pissed off Mr. Wonka by making a snap judgment? No one wants to piss Mr. Wonka off..
Now everyone here knows that I have a love for the Wonka brand because I have a special love of the original 1971 movie starring Gene Wilder, not Micheal Jackso... I mean Johnny Depp.. Honestly I think the Johnny Depp movie was an abyssal piece of shit which we're lucky didn't raise Roald Dahl's zombie corpse to kill us all for our unforgivable transgressions.
The man was pissed about the 1971 movie, if he got the chance to see this new piece of shit? Oh man.. Bad shit would go down.. I forsee Dahl dressing up as Wonka and murdering each and every person responsible..
Murder Wonka is not someone I'd like to meet in a dark alleyway or.. Well.. Even a well lit city brimming with people.. I mean holy crap, look at that man!
But in spite of all this I still love Willy Wonka and I love the Wonka Company, I rely on and expect them to bring us fun and whimsical candies which in the past they've done a fairly good job of. Of course some of the stuff I've not always been pleased with and the fact that they discontinued my beloved Punky's and honestly I needs some Punky's right about now but still.. Maybe I was too presumptuous?
Seems I was correct! The Wonka Factory hasn't completely stopped making Chocolate, Chocolate is now being made by Wonka in a different way and in a different medium than your run of the mill Chocolate Bar. As provided to me by the Willy Wonka Candy Company I give you the following Press Release;
THE WONKA® BRAND BRINGS IMAGINATION AND AMAZEMENT TO THE FREEZER AISLE WITH NEW SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUS SUPER PREMIUM ICE CREAMSeven Creative, Creamy Concoctions Turn Everyday Ice Cream on Its Head
OAKLAND, Calif. – WONKA, maker of the world’s most imaginative treats, today announced its latest invention: Wonka™ Ice Cream, featuring a scoopendous line of deliciously innovative flavors inspired by the beloved novel. Made with imagination as well as the finest ingredients, the all-new super premium ice cream line swirls together unexpected yet marvelous combinations of flavors, textures and top-secret, unique ingredients that are distinctively Wonka ice cream. The indulgent treat delights the senses and leaves connoisseurs of creamy concoctions clamoring for more. To further deliver the fantasy and fun that fans have come to expect from the Wonka brand, the scrumdiddlyumptious invention literally turns the concept of everyday ice cream on its head—hitting grocery freezer aisles in visually arresting, inverted cartons.“Imagination drives everything the Wonka brand does, and our new ice cream line captures this ingenious spirit and whimsy for people of all ages,” says Tom Kim, Wonka ‘Master of Swirl.’ “From the very first taste of Chipperberry Swirl™ to the last of whiptastic Kerfuffle Truffle™, our delicious ice cream creations allow everyone to experience a sense of wonder and amazement with each delectable bite.”The Wonka Ice Cream line debuts with seven delightfully decadent flavors, including:
- WONKA™ KERFUFFLE TRUFFLE™ —Creamtastic chocolate ice cream with rich chocolate truffles and swirls of fudge
- WONKA™ CHIPPERBERRY SWIRL™ —Luscious black raspberry and vanilla ice cream with liquid chocolate chips
- WONKA™ CHOCOLATE MINTROPOLIS™ —A most mintrific combination of chocolate mint ice cream with peppermint patties and chocolate mint cookies
- WONKA™ CARAMEL NUT KADOOZLE—Rich, caramel ice cream with mixed nut brittle and wondrous walnut caramel swirl
- WONKA™ CHOCOLATE CHIPPER CHIP™ —Silky smooth vanilla ice cream with chocolate and potato chip bark pieces
- WONKA™ CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKES™ —Not-so-plain vanilla ice cream withmelt-in-your-mouth chocolate flakes
- WONKA™ KERNELPUFF CARAMELSTUFF™ —Mouthwatering caramel corn ice cream with crispy kernels, pecan pralines and salted caramel swirls
Wonka Ice Cream is now available in select grocery stores throughout Northern California and Reno, Nev., - including Safeway, Raley's, SaveMart, Lucky, Walmart, Target, CVS, 7-11, Chevron, Lunardi's, Gene's Fine Foods, Draeger's and Key Markets - at a suggested retail price of $4.99. For more information about Wonka Ice Cream, or to locate stores in your neighborhood where its splendiferous new flavors have recently been delivered, please check out the Wonka flavor finder at http://www.wonkaicecream.com.ABOUT WONKA
WONKA® opened its doors in 1983. Since that time, WONKA® has been dedicated to the art of producing fun, innovative, high-quality confections for candy lovers of all ages. WONKA® candies include NERDS®, NERDS® Rope, SWEETARTS®, SHOCKERS, SPREE®, LAFFY TAFFY®, RUNTS®, EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPER®, LIK-M-AID® FUN DIP, PIXY STIX®, BOTTLE CAPS®, KAZOOZLES™ and GUMMIES. THE WILLY WONKA CANDY FACTORY is owned by Nestlé USA, Inc. For more information about WONKA, visit WONKA.com.ABOUT NESTLÉ USA
Named one of “The World’s Most Admired Food Companies” in Fortune magazine for fifteen consecutive years, Nestlé provides quality brands and products that bring flavor to life every day. From nutritious meals with Lean Cuisine® to baking traditions with Nestlé® Toll House®, Nestlé USA makes delicious, convenient, and nutritious food and beverage products that make good living possible. That’s what “Nestlé. Good Food, Good Life” is all about. Nestlé USA, with 2011 sales of $10 billion, is part of Nestlé S.A. in Vevey, Switzerland — the world’s largest food company with a commitment to Nutrition, Health & Wellness — with 2011 sales of $94 billion. For product news and information, visit Nestleusa.com or NestleNewsroom.com.
Ice Cream, huh? Colour my interest piqued, I've never considered Willy Wonka someone who would make Ice Cream but now that I think of it, Wonka would probably be pretty capable all things considered and since I love the aberrant Wonka is the perfect company to make Ice Cream for a weirdo like me!
....This is assuming they don't make something like "Violet Beauregarde Blueberry Wonkalicious Cream"...
Yeah.. No Ice Cream that alters our existing genetic chemistry..
Speaking of chemistry you know what we received this in? It was shipped in a box. A box filled with DRY FUCK ICE! You know they just made a mistake, right? They've provided me not only with Ice Cream but a TOY as well.
First it was chemistry 101 with a bowl, my dumb-ass was having too much fun so naturally it couldn't stop here just with a bowl of the shit. Oh no, there's a cast metal sink sitting right next to me and think of how much dry ice could be conceivably put into that?! YES! This is an excellent idea! So I picked the bowl up, popped it into the sink and scooped some dry ice from the packing box to toss into the sink and put the water on HOT! AHAHAHAHAH!
Well it seemed like a good idea for the first minute or so.. That was before the vapors from the dry ice suddenly began to lurk out from the sink en masse and suddenly my whole entire kitchen in a few moments time was engulfed by thick white clouds of drifting vapors. It looked like a fog machine on a Nickelodeon show or in a Haunted House had completely lost control and just burst everywhere. AWESOME! I'm choking on fucking dry ice vapOTHHAARHHG..
....At any rate now we're getting the chance to review Wonka Ice Creams (After a period of about two days to let the fuckers thaw enough to be scooped because man that dry ice freezes things to frigid hell and back) and in the interest of doing this right as well as just because I'm damned excited to be able to review these I'm going to be reviewing these with James and let me explain something.
I am "The Big Cat", James is known as "Mighty Moo", the reason for this being? My Chinese Zodiac is the Tiger, James' Chinese Zodiac is the Ox and therefore we are "Mighty Moo" and "The Big Cat", this review will feature my take on it because I'm the blog owner and the one typing the damn post and then James' take on the product effectively giving it two reviews each. Note that James is not very descriptive and this is why I run the blog and provide reviews and not the other way around.. Still, we're going to use his words for this.
So let's see.. What to begin with..
Well to begin with we didn't get all the flavours, rather we got four of them and so without further adeu let's get to the fun part, shall we? Reviewing and quite possibly turning into a goddamned Blueberry. I swear if I turn out with blue skin or something after this someone's getting sue... Actually you know what? If we could bypass the bloating the blue skin might be kind of cool.. Hm..
Wonka Caramel Nut Kadoozle:
First thoughts? Caramel Nut Kadoozle, interesting name. I like Caramel, I like Nuts and.. I guess I like Kadoozles? Some how the thought of this Ice Cream is instantly filling my mind with an Ice Cream that's filled by Caramel Pop-Corn or something, that's the image it brings off first thought at least.. I admit though it does sound very good.
A Big Cat: Oh man was this shit ever delicious, this Ice Cream was amazing, it totally caught me off guard. My original expectation had been that this flavour would be hum-drum and unremarkable but this stuff really just blew my ass out of the water. A perfectly salty and sweet mix this Ice Cream immediately had a nice crunchy chew from the Pralines which were almost candied and seemed to give the Ice Cream an exceptional Caramel flavour and furthermore the Pralines actually added to the Ice Cream in my opinion and made it taste and feel like there was Caramel Pop-Corn added in.
8.9/10 Big Cat Paws, did not expect this to be so amazing.
The Mighty Moo: James' thoughts on this flavour were that it tasted somewhat Toffee like with a nice crunch and a good nut flavour, it reminded him of a sweeter Rocky Road and he said he quite enjoyed it.
This also was what James verified as his favourite flavour from the four.
Wonka Chipperberry Swirl:
The name 'Chipperberry Swirl' makes me.. Uh.. Well, I got a disturbing image to be honest. I got the image of mixed Berries and a Squirrel being thrown into a wood chipper or blender and the resulting mashy mix up being added to Ice Cream.. Shows which one of us is more disturbed, huh? Wonka's got shit on me. How was this one?
A Big Cat: First thing you get from this Ice Cream or the first thing I got was an awesome, powerful and sweet Raspberry flavour that was creamy, thick and almost jam-like, it was awesome. Added in? Smooth and thin Chocolate Chips which were swirled with the Ice Cream a little disproportionately but thanks to their being so thin acted like perfectly melty and delicious additions. They complimented all of this sweet Raspberry and creamy Vanilla flawlessly.
7.4/10 Big Cat Paws, beyond average but Raspberry isn't usually 'my thing'
The Mighty Moo: James' thoughts on this flavour were that he couldn't place the Fruit flavour but it was definitely there and good and it mixed well with the Chocolate.
Wonka Chocolate Chipper Chip:
And this is the one I was most interested in to begin with so I'm really glad that we got this flavour because honestly I'm a weird ass and my taste and taste-buds act as if I'm perpetually pregnant, I constantly crave the strangest shit like Vanilla or Chocolate Ice Cream and a big 'ole Dill Pickle to dip into it because I think that would be awwwessome. Sufficed to say with strange tastes like mine the idea of having Chocolate Chips, Vanilla Ice Cream and Potato Chips all in the same batch was something that definitely piqued my interest. Damn the Oompa Loompa's may be onto something, were they?
A Big Cat: Confirmed and OH HOLY SHIT THIS STUFF IS AMAZING! It's perfect! It's what I've wanted in an Ice Cream with the exception of not having pickles which I can't hold against it because honestly I'm not sure how others would take pickles being in Ice Cream like this but still. Holy crap! The most FLAWLESS sweet and salty combination of flavours exist in this Ice Cream, flowing in utter harmony with one another and although the swirl of Chocolate and all is very disproportionate it had a very nice chew with a decent crunch inside and immediately the Chocolate and Vanilla shifted together in a symphony of creamy decadence, the sweet and salty swirling in my mouth and then the chunks of Potato Chips which actually gave this Ice Cream a strong and noticeable Potato Chip flavour hit and I was in Heaven, a choir singing so loudly I thought my head would explode. By all that is holy this is the most amazing and totally the BEST of all these flavours! Oh man!
9.8/10 Big Cat Paws, only way it'd be better is Dill Pickles! AMAZING! Just spectacular! I think they sacrificed a damned Oompa Loompa to make this Ice Cream, maybe more..
The Mighty Moo: James' thoughts on this flavour were two fold. First of all when brought it he remarked that "This should be part of my review that it looks damn good.", and additionally he liked it a lot, it was almost like Oreo Cream but it was sweeter and definitely different but he did apparently not notice the Potato Chip taste, I do not know how.. Frankly his description of this one just confuses me but these are his words not mine.
Wonka Chocolate Mintropolis:
And finally we have this one, the instant image this conjured in my mind? I figure the Oompa Loompa's must have held up a bunch of Girl Scouts and stolen those damn Mint Biscuits that are so popular from them, those 'Thin Mint Biscuits', y'know? Which... All things considered while I'm pretty sure all the Oompa Loompa's are armed and carry like switch blades and shit I'm fairly certain they should still watch their backs. Girl Scouts can be fucking scary.
A Big Cat: Mm, yeaaah! This stuff is pretty darn good and it definitely kind of tastes like Thin Mint Biscuits. Sweet Mint is the first thing I noticed, not that 'strong Mint' flavour I hate so damn much in other things but a genuinely sweet Mint. The sweet Mint is complimented perfectly by what are surprisingly creamy melt-in-your-mouth style Chocolate chunks, proportionately added along with awesomely crunchy Biscuit chunks and I'm not certain but to me at least it almost seemed like the Patties were separate from the Chocolate in the sense that I think it almost tasted and felt to me like the 'Patty Goo' from within the Chocolate Mint Patties was added in on it's own, it was very pleasant and imparted a very nice mouth-feel with this Ice Cream that complimented it's already delicious flavour.
7.4/10 Big Cat Paws, I normally hate Mint but this is like if you took Thin Mint Biscuits and Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and bumped it up to being just exceptional comparatively although the strong flavours of Chocolate and Sweet Mint leaves a kind of odd after taste which is why this wasn't rated higher.
The Mighty Moo: James' thoughts on this flavour was that it wasn't bad, certainly not his favourite out of the four but the Mint Chocolate kind of left an aftertaste in his mouth.
So yeah all in all? From the flavours we tried I believe the Wonka line is really amazing, it's way better than I'd expected and I had high hopes to begin with. I wish it were a little more 'whimsical' is the only thing I'd say, I'd like it if they'd make flavours with their existing candy lines or did something a little more adventurous, as it is with the name 'Wonka' considering that Willy Wonka was known for doing crazy shit it feels a little mundane but mundane definitely doesn't mean it suffers in taste. For what it is this stuff is the tops, I mean the absolute tops. I've nary tasted an Ice Cream from any company that is as good as this Ice Cream in particular.
Now all we need is a Snozzberry Ice Cream! Get on that, Nestle Wonka!
Tonight's dinner for James was total 110% win - Amazuppai Toriniku (Sweet and Sour Chicken) and is a single CHICKEN BOOOOOOB! Deep fried to perfect brown in a delicious Beer-batter and glazed with a home-made Sweet and Sour Sauce coming complete with Steamed Rice and a Chocolate Anpan (Sweet Roll)
I was extremely happy with how this came out looking and James seemed to really enjoy it and said it tasted quite good.