.....Eeeyahh.. That's enough to put me off Fast Food for eternity, not that I wasn't already due to what I've seen from it.. I mean remember my Hardee's Hash Rounds? Over three years without any attempt to preserve them and they still look more or less like they did when I ordered them, I've still got them today.. I'll be taking more photographs of them soon no doubt, I'll keep the blog updated with their process and current state of being.. Sufficed to say, I can't see eating something that remains that unnaturally untouched by even bacteria, why would I want to put something like that in my body? That can't be good.. Also bloke in the picture? Yeaaah, I really don't think you should be at a Fast Food Chain, mate.. It's alright once in a while but I think this motherfucker straight-lines Big Macs..
Speaking of Big Macs, y'know.. It's not enough that Fast Food Chains provide horrifyingly unhealthy 'foods', I'm confused how they ever manage to survive when they also provide pants shittingly frightening mascots, shall we discuss a few?
1986 was a terrifying year for Fast Food Franchise Mackers, otherwise known in the U.S. as McDonald's, they introduced a mascot that was more pure uncut terror sauce than The King ever thought of being, introduced as a campaign to increase sales of the after 4 PM 'Dinner' crowd, the mascot was known solely as the horror spew inducing moniker, "Mac Tonight";
Tell me what you'd do if you saw this thing in the darkness of the night coming at you.. Dear god I can practically see the blade shining with the light barely present in the darkness, sparkling and craving for the blood of it's target demographic.. Yeeaaaaghghh... Motherfucking horrifying.. Look at his goddamned face, it's not just Grade A horror material, it's full of hints of psychosis and instability the likes of which is simply ridiculous.
It's not just his in-person appearance that was scary, Mac Tonight was scary universally, he was featured even in advertisements on the backs of cereal boxes and the like as an animated character, giving him an artistic rendition did little to cut down his terror inspiring power, point in fact it may have increased it.
GOOD LORD HIDE YOUR CHIL'REN AND WIVES, LOCK YO'SELF IN YO' CLOSET! This Moons'a'murderin'!
It's not just Mackers or Mac Tonight, Fast Food Chains seem to be obsessed with providing fear-poop inspiring mascots, there's of course the best modern example of this who was recently axed due to the fact that he was universally considered to be frightening,
But also simple mascots which exist today and go on unaddressed such as the mascot for U.S. Chain "Jack In The Box", a glorified clown on a spring that abruptly lunges out of a goddamned Pandora's box of terror that threatens to eat your motherfucking face off or strike with the speed and viciousness of a King Cobra! GODDAMN!
And look at that damn face! It's empty soulless eyes, the blank featureless roundness of it all and the one feature? A vacant, eerie and unsettling Cheshire smile.. What.. The.. Fuck?!
You think Mac Tonight is the worst that Macker's has ever come up with though? They've got one that tops The King again, y'know the original Ronald McDonald? You might think he's scary today, back in the day?
AFGSREHJETNFG MOTHERFUCK - Normally I'm not one to fall into the whole 'scared of clowns' category, these days it's somehow 'cool' and 'mainstream' to be scared of clowns, everyone claims to be scared of clowns and I don't really understand why but back in the day Ronald McDonald was fucking terrifying, look at that bastard! And he's wear gloves, y'know.. That way he can murder your ass and leave no finger prints or evidence to incriminate himself.. Good lord..
Still there's a company that tops all of these in my opinion, a United States-based Ice Cream truck franchisor popular in the Northeast. It was founded by William and James Conway in 1956 called "Mr. Softee" which still exists today and still features the same mascot, the mascot? Simply "Mr. Softee"..
BEHOLD The face of terror and feel the fear poop fill your pants as you completely loose control of your bowels! Not only is it fucked up that this man has an Ice Cream Cone for a head because you know somewhere along the lines someone may have tried to eat his head which is scary in and of itself but look at that expression, that mindless evil smile.. Fuuuuuuck...This is the shit true nightmares are made of and in that tradition let me end by abruptly saying that if these mascots and considerations haven't put you off Fast Food then.. Well..
Sleep well, folks.. Sleep well..
Dinner for tonight for James was Choshoku no Sakana (Breakfast Fish) and is a nice pan seared White Fish Fillet resting on a Butter Pan Toasted piece of Bread with an accompaniment of a Hardboiled Egg cut in half with two Mushrooms and a side Fudge Anpan (Sweet Roll)