I'm not sure what it is, sado-masochism maybe, the recent inexplicable obsession with bacon that literally is inexplicable and I feel needs to be reiterated in a Mojo Jojo sort of way in that I must explain that it is inexplicable in that it literally cannot be explained, it is unexplainable and confusing, a conundrum that cannot be solved and is an enigma.. Yeah.. That pretty much serves it's purpose I think, and of course the recent obsession with adding meals into meals as if Xzbit of the Xzbit meme were frequenting Fast Food chains and teaching them how to make their offerings "Yo dawg I thought you'd like a Pizza in your Pizza so why don't you make little mini Garlic Bread Pizza's to add along with your Pizza.", you sick motherfucker!
...Son of a bitch..
And on that same subject, what the fuck? I'm left saying what the fuck again because I'm just dumbfounded by a recent offering from a Pizza chain, it's not anything normal of course, if it were I probably wouldn't be posting about it here, what the hell is the fun in writing about something that's normal unless it's something that's normal and awesome?
The thing I'm talking about? Domino's recent offering to the evident obsession growing with bread that's more than bread in which case typically when you add Pepperoni and Cheese to Garlic Bread doesn't that kind of make it.. Fucking Pizza? Even if little smaller Pizza's let's not kid ourselves, they're still Pizza.
Anyway.. Domino's has done the same thing as Pizza Hut, making me feel a profound sense of.. What I can only describe as gut wrenching pants shitting fear at the prospect of not just plain bread sticks, no, fuck that! That's last generation, this generation wants their bread sticks stuffed full of Cheese, Cheese, More Cheese, Spinach and Feta, Bacon and Jalapeño, and PLAIN FUCKING CHEESE BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ENOUGH CHEESE! These bastards literally contain as much Cheese as a Medium Pizza.
Why? Because FUCK YOUR HEART and FUCK YOUR ARTERIES and while we're at it let's just inject your lungs with Cheese because FUCK YOUR RESPIRATORY SYSTEM!!!!
Honestly at this point I'm kind of thinking that's going to become the case, if people eat this shit enough they're going to have too much flab constricting their lungs to be able to breathe, we're talking hardcore asphyxiation in the streets because they walked one too many steps to the door trying to make the perilous journey to get their food stuffs from the local Domino's and I hope to hell that the local Domino's has a motorized snow plow or something because short of a fork-lift you're gonna have a really hard time moving the carcasses of your passed over Cheesed and flabbed customers.. And lemme tell you, no matter how much Cheese you stuff them with I really don't think even the Buzzards will go for them, animals tend to know when shit is bad for them and tend to avoid things that will outright kill them.
On the unhealthy band wagon it shouldn't be a surprise to hear the name KFC, the name KFC makes me think of the Sodium infused horrifying calorie laden gut-bomb of a monstrosity that is the KFC Double Down, good lord that thing is a menace to humanity..
What's just about as bad though, maybe worse though?
Oh that would be something they've recently concocted to meet the recent inexplicable Bacon craze, what's that thing? Picture 680 Calories, extremely unhealthy calories mind you that are all placed in a single bowl; Mashed Potatoes, Popcorn Chicken which resembles a Kidney Stone, Corn, Gravy, Cheese, and of course.. Bacon.. It's the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl!
Which of course doesn't look like the actual product, heaven forbid they actually show this;
...Come to think of it people would probably still eat this..
If I weren't so sure they'd actually do it I'd suggest they pack this into bread and infuse that all with Cheese, Cheese, and more Cheese because I really would like to see someone actually suffer immediate coronary while eating one of these Fast Food bombs, I mean.. That or watch someone's arteries back up so quickly and so violently that their veins and bodies literally burst, BOOM! Human Grease and Cheese bomb!