Screaming Yellow Zonkers! REVIEW!

Wonka Ice Cream Review!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

REVIEW: Breyers Blasts! Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream

Do you know what time it is, motherfuckers?

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! and why you may ask?! Because ever since the 1990s, specifically 1997 when the Rugrats Peanut Butter And Jelly Ice Cream Sandwich was released and had an ever too brief stay in our world as the absolute most delicious and amazing Ice Cream Treat I'd ever had or could conceive I've not seen another Peanut Butter And Jelly Ice Cream and I've lamented and wondered why?

Why would they discontinue such an amazingly perfect dessert? Why wouldn't you continue, was it not popular? If so, was the public MAD?! How could you not love this, it was delicious beyond any rational belief! And so I've since the 1990s always hoped that one day I would come into contact with an Ice Cream that brought Peanut Butter And Jelly to the forefront of my taste-buds again.. And folks.. With a gleeful tear in my eye and the happy shriek of a harpy the likes of which would make your ear-drums and eyes bleed as well as crack a few of your teeth, I'm happy to announce WE DID IT!

We found another Peanut Butter And Jelly Ice Cream!

In the new line of Breyers Ice Cream, this is the Breyers Blasts! Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream, a beautiful box to be sure with delightful colours that perfectly meld together, not too busy, not too wild, but simply perfect and displaying a Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich on the front as well as individual Peanuts and Strawberries along with a large image of the Ice Cream itself! IT'S JUST... SOO... BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Opening this Ice Cream up it's notably a bit different from what's displayed as the marketing photograph but again as I've repeated endlessly in the past, that's to be expected, the marketing photograph rarely looks like what the actual product looks like but I can definitely tell from the surface that there are a few swirls of Peanut Butter and some Strawberry Jam in there as well and my taste-buds are causing my entire mouth to water and me to drool all over myself in anticipation.

Be still my beating, pained, and clogged heart, it's time!

...Wait a second..

....Hey, heart? Stop being still, you can start beating again.. Haha.. Yeah, the jokes over.. Start beating ag.. HRR.. OH FUCK! FUCKFUCK! USB-CONNECTED DEFIBRILLATOR; CLEAR!



Hrr... Hoo... Okay, we're beating again.. Scares over.. Right.. Onto the tasting..

First taste comes off with a stunning surprise and that's something that once again I have to question whether my taste-buds are tricking me because it's what my mind expects or whether it's actually what I'm tasting but the Ice Cream which is allegedly 'Vanilla' as I later found from the package actually tastes like it has some sort of Bread in it like a slice of Wonderbread or something has been mixed in with it..

The Strawberry Jam is strong and sweet and perfectly compliments that flavour and the Peanut Butter is mostly frozen in huge messes of chunky goodness that is incredibly sweet and salty at the same time but in the best way possible, adding together into a flavour that is just indescribably and insanely good.. I mean.. Nmhhr.. I think I've found my Messiah of Ice Cream, my Ice Cream Saviour which was made to wash away my Sins or.. Well.. Probably realistically add to them by defiling the Temple that is my body with it's delicious badness, this shit can't be good for you but it tastes so goddamned amazing I really wouldn't give two asses if I actually died from eating it.


...Oh it was just gas that time.. Pardon..

The Breyers Blasts! Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream gets a rating of 10/10 Big Cat Paws, this shit is absolutely perfect and really brings me back to the criminally delicious Rugrats Peanut Butter And Jelly Ice Cream Sandwiches and speaking of criminal things, y'know.. Thinking back on the Rugrats I really wouldn't be surprised if child-labor were involved in the creation of those Sandwiches.. Given their record of criminal neglect with children I really wouldn't be surprised if the Pickles and all the parents of the Rugrats were selling them into sweat-shops to make these delicious treats..

Hahaha... Child labor.. Fuck the Police indeed..


  1. Rofl xD
    Now I want a PB+J sammich. >_<

  2. Very exciting! I loved Ben & Jerry's pb&j ice cream, and cannot wait to try this!

    1. <3 Thank you, Commenter! I'm glad I could provide some enjoyment!


COMMENTS ARE MODERATED AND WILL BE APPROVED WITHIN 24 HOURS OR LESS (almost always less) OF ENTRY; If you're abusive or obnoxious, your comment will be deleted without word. Being abusive and obnoxious is OUR job. Thanks.