REVIEW: SUGAR FREE York Peppermint Patties

Lately Hershey's has seemed to be releasing quite a few SUGAR FREE products, products which we know are SUGAR FREE because they repeat SUGAR FREE on their packaging with a certain intrusive and aggressive attitude that makes me feel as if the bag is accosting me.

I seriously think I need to file a police report against this bag.

Now some people love York Peppermint Patties, myself? I'm not really a fan, I don't care for Mint of any type as instanced in and from earlier reviews from me before, point in fact I fucking HATE goddamned Mint with a fiery fucking passion because the shit gets stuck on your tongue and even minutes or sometimes hours after you've swallowed/rid yourself of the vile shit the taste is still there overpowering every goddamned thing you try to eat, taste, or drink with it's oppressive after-taste.

...FUCK MINT!

Seriously.. But in the interest of reviewing I'm going to give these a fair chance, I mean they're SUGAR FREE and they're only 30 or so Calories for a serving, right? Fuck it, maybe it's worth it..

Of course they wrap the damn things in the most highly shiny Aluminium Foil and it's Aluminium not Aluminum like you fucking Yanks say it, y'know why? I'VE GOT REFERENCES, FUCKERS! English Chemist Sir Humphry Davy named the shit and the name given was the proper pronunciation and spelling of ALUMINIUM SO SUCK A TAILPIPE! AHAHAHAHAH!

...Anyway.. Back onto the subject of the Patties..

Bright shiny packaging that makes me want to play with it more than rip it apart and makes me fear a possible Archimedes Death-Ray effect if I shine the light off it in the wrong waOHFUCKMYHEADISONFIRE! AAHHHHHHH!!!!

EOSMGFAOIERMHRTYHNMG';SA

...If you could hear me over the Blog you'd have heard a splash and several other obscenities spoken in a thick Australian accent before I stomped back to the computer and mumbled 'Fuckin' Blog is hazardous to my health', anyway..

I know the legend of the York Peppermint Patty, some worship the candy as if it were magical and impossibly delicious, I know what they say, 'It's cooly refreshing', whatever the fuck 'cooly' means and knowing those legends and claims I'm somewhat hesitant to eat this thing.. I mean shit.. Bad things could happen, right?

So in the interest of not falling prey to the alleged freezing power of the York Peppermint Patty I've chosen to set one aside that is room temperature and one that shall be frozen, in this way I suspect I'll be able to avoid over-loading myself on these evil little minty fuckers..

Minus the Archimedes Death-Ray glare as mentioned earlier that this time I dodged only to hear the cry of a fly screaming 'Whhhhhy, oh god whhhhy?!', as it poofed into a flash of light and faded from this existence, wiped from life like the poor insect it was these are pretty, very pretty in fact.. I love the fact that they're so uniform looking with a thin layer of Dark Chocolate or what is allegedly Dark Chocolate on the outside.. I'm not sure I trust it to actually be Dark Chocolate considering that Hershey's Syrup isn't actually Chocolate itself but is an amalgamation of chemicals and Cocoa flavouring to produce something 'Chocolate Flavoured', the fuck do you market a Chocolate product and have it only be Chocolate Flavoured?

...Whatever..

Taste-wise trying these at room temperature I was completely disappointed, it was a bland 'Dark Chocolate' that was entirely too muted to meet or help in quelling the over-powering taste of the Mint which made me want to fucking gag and came out my nostrils when I ate like Menthol rubbed under them.. It seriously was an unpleasant experience and I can't understand why people would fucking want these.

Room temperature SUGAR FREE York Peppermint Patties receive a rating of 2.0/10 Big Cat Paws; basically they're shite.

Now the reviews not over yet in spite of a rating being given, the rating was only for the room temperature Peppermint Patty, now I review the frozen one.

Surprisingly enough or unsurprising I guess considering that this is often the case, the freezing process actually seemed to bring the flavour out on these bringing the 'Dark Chocolate' to life with a slightly bitter sweetness that was far stronger and actually managing to turn the Mint inside to a bearable and much sweeter and enjoyable flavour, turning it refreshing rather than gag-worthy..

Honestly though I still wouldn't go after these if I had the choice and I'll probably never have one again simply because yeck, Mint fucking SUCKS.

The frozen York Peppermint Patty gets a rating of 4.5/10 Big Cat Paws; better than room temperature, bearable, but definitely not something I'm ever going to actively choose or want again, it's not even an above average or average flavoured candy in my opinion.