Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THEY'RE BRINGING THEM BACK A THIRD GODDAMNED TIME or bringing back Palkia and Dialga a third time, this is Giratina's second appearance, it's still fucking ridiculous but I guess they had to have them in this movie because the Pokemon this movie is centered around? Archeus, a Pokemon who more or less in name and in behaviour, power, and design seems to be more or less the equivalent of the Christian God because he's pretty much immune to goddamned everything if he's at full, can create life, and FUCK EVERYTHING. HE'S ARCHEUS!
It's interesting he's named that because the actual definition of the word 'Archeus' is as follows;
...Really? And pardon, it's actually spelled 'Arceus' we see, we feel rather stupid but aren't going to edit that, you know why? BECAUSE FUCK YOU, WE MAKE MISTAKES THAT'S WHY AND WE'RE BIG CAT/WOMAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT THEM!
n. 1. The vital principle or force which (according to the Paracelsians) presides over the growth and continuation of living beings; the anima mundi or plastic power of the old philosophers.
It's origin is actually quite interesting, described as;
Arceus is particularly based on a creator deity, present in many world cultures. The conception of the first god might be influenced from Kunitokotachi and Amenominakanushi, who, according to Shinto myth, summoned Izanami and Izanagi to create Japan with the spear. It may also be a reference to the Chinese mythical creature, the Qilin. Its myth is nearly identical to that of the Pangu, the Chinese creation deity. Arceus may also be inspired by (or a representation of) the bodhisattva Avalokiteśvara, who, in Buddhism, is either pictured with eleven heads and one thousand arms (the latter of which is mentioned in Arceus's flavor text) or in a white four-armed manifestation (which could look similar to Normal-type Arceus). Some inspiration may have come from a horse, because of its Platinum sprite and attack movements in Pokémon Battle Revolution.
...Wow.. They put that much fucking thought into a goddamned Pokemon? We're almost awed, Arceus is actually kind of fucking awesome..
Arceus may be a combination of arch (referring to the highest point), arcanus (Latin for secret/sacred mystery), archaic (ancient), αρχή arkhē (Greek for beginning), or archetypus (Latin for original), and deus (Latin for god). It may also derive from aureus (golden, in reference to its hooves and wheel), arc (round or ring), or Archeus (an aspect of the astral plane).
Removing 'Life Plates' from it's form, it created the Jewel Of Life to help Damos, of Michina Town revitalize his other-wise barren land. Now we had a hard time following this movie after it was over with, largely because.. It involved time-travel which automatically and inherently means that the plot was fucked up and a Wizard fucking did it.
Arceus is pissed because the Jewel Of Life that he gave to Damos was meant to be returned on a certain day of a certain eclipse except Damos evidently betrayed Arceus except he didn't because he was hypnotized by a Pokemon except he wasn't and didn't because Ash and his friends traveled back in time and someone else took his place and.. You know what? To quote Brock..
"Looks like histories corrected itself."
No, Brock, in scientific terms, that's referred to history, space, and time getting a proper fucking right in the butt.
Team Rocket shows up but they don't do a whole hell of a lot, in fact we can't even really remember anything they did aside from loot some old junk from the Temple and eventually find the Jewel Of Life which later vanished from their grasp because it was given back to Arceus in the past because FUCK YOU, TIME TRAVEL, A WIZARD DID IT.
...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WE HATE TIME TRAVEL, WHAT THE FUCK?!
And this furthers the issue we have with Pokemon like Professor Oak claiming 'There are only 150 Pokemon we know about! I've devoted my whole life to their research', EXCEPT FOR THE OTHER POKEMON OUTSIDE THE ORIGINAL 150 YOU SAW IN YOUR CHILDHOOD?! OR THE POKEMON EVIDENTLY IN THE PAST WHERE ASH AND FRIENDS TIME TRAVELED TO WHO WERE CALLED 'MAGICAL CREATURES'?!
Pokemon tries to have continuity but ignores shit like that which just makes us wince and rage slightly.
Pokemon are also called 'Magical Creatures' in the past and treated as slaves which served to be rather amusing as Pikachu teams with Damos' Pichu and the two go on a little crusade throughout the Temple basically screaming 'ANARCHY NOW!' and 'REVOLUTTTIOOOOON!' as they set their enslaved brethren free then realize they're not supposed to talk and dumbly insist, 'Pika?!'
Arceus And The Jewel Of Life receives a rating of 8.4/10 Big Cat Paws; one of the more entertaining Pokemon movies, it had us giggling when Pikachu and his Pichu friend started the revolution, it was rather amusing because we could somehow picture the masses of Pokemon slaves rising up because ANARCHY NOW! PIKAAA PIKACHUUU!!