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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

REVIEW: Extra Dessert Delights Lemon Square Gum

Holy fucking donkey balls, Extra did it again. You know we've posted in the past about Extra's Dessert Delight's line of Gum and way back when, they ran a contest with votes on Facebook to decide which would become the new flavour of their Gum, the choices? Root Beer Float, Lemon Square, and Banana's Foster, frankly we'd voted for Banana's Foster, though strangely Root Beer Float won out, it wasn't a bad flavour, it tasted like a Root Beer Float surprisingly well..

This time however, the Extra team has brought the flavours that did not win, we have yet to see Banana's Foster, but on a recent trip to Walgreen's, holy fuckshit Santa's chestnuts roasting over an open fire, it's a late X-Mas miracle! Because right there is Lemon Square fucking Gum!


Now first comments first is probably, "What the fuck? Lemon Square Gum? How can this taste good?", our question would be, HAVE YOU TRIED ANY OF THEIR OTHER DESSERT DELIGHT FLAVOURS, FUCK-FACE?! BECAUSE IF YOU HAD, YOU WOULDN'T BE ASKING THAT!

Root Beer Float that tastes like Root Beer Float, Apple Pie that tastes like Apple Pie, Strawberry Shortcake that tastes of Strawberry Shortcake, Orange Creamsicle that tastes like Orange Creamsicle, and BULLSHITBALLS THE SNOZZBERRIES TASTE LIKE SNOZZBERRIES!

...Though we can see the discrepancy and mistrust in a Gum flavour that was Lemon, admittedly even we're a little weirded by the concept, but fuck it, who gives a shit? We like Lemon's, right?


Yes! HAIL LEMON SATAN!!! TAKE THE CHILDREN! BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD, THY OVERTLY SOUR, FACE-PUCKERING UNHOLY MASTER!

Surprisingly it does smell Lemony opening the package, it smells kind of like sweet Lemon sweeties, you know? Lemon drops, maybe? Something like that? And it's a soft, gentle Lemon smell that suggests that this won't be a face inverting experience that will fuck our face side-ways and leave us looking mentally handicapped for the next week.


And each strip is unsurprisingly slightly yellow in colour, though we imagine that's purely artificial, we wonder what colour the Gum would be in it's actual natural and undyed state? Either way each strip of Gum smells surprisingly good and sweet, we couldn't wait to try it and when we did.. Wow.. When we did, just.. Wow..

There is the sudden sensation of smooth warmth washing over your tongue as a fuckslurry of what seems to be Whipped Cream flavour and texture rolls into your mouth, the undertones of what tastes to be almost an Angel Food Cake following it up, directly followed by the sweet Angel-like chorus of the delicious sweet Lemon which DEAR GOD, TAKE ALL OUR MONEY, WE WANT MORE.

THIS SHIT IS AMAZING! Not puckering sour at all, it's sweet to a T and it's FUCKING delicious. The flavour lasts for a fairly decent amount of time as well and it so mind-blowing that just.. Fuck.. Brain-chunks everywhere.. ERRYWHURR!

Yeah.. Short review, but you know what? There's nothing more to say.

Extra Dessert Delights Lemon Square Gum receives a rating of 9.5/10 Big Cat Paws; damn near perfect but it doesn't last forever! GIVE US BANANAS FOSTER TOO, YOU BASTARDS! And make something Chocolate other than Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.

3 comments:

  1. Hmmm. Having stocked up largely on Extra Polar Ice since 2000, I since these came around in '07 or '08, used to pass on these in a big way. I'll see if I can find any of them in big Lots or the other discount stores.

    Have you done a review on Extra's Polar Ice yet? You might, because this gum is the most intense, long-lasting gum of its kind I have ever tried. If you did try them, my guess is that they'd taste like alpine gusts when you do.

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  2. I would like you to know that I was looking up "unholy poop" in google pictures, which came up with your lemon satan picture, which in turn led me here. (I wanted to know what the Hell that was and I still don't know.)
    Anyways, very funny review. I don't usually eat gum, or read gum reviews, but now I'm interested.

    Cheers.

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  3. OMG! I love this post almost as much as I love this gum. I bought this gum yesterday and am IN LOVE. As you wrote, HAIL LEMON SATAN!!!! I swear you can even taste the crust.

    ReplyDelete

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